iLove
by DeredithOTP
Summary: Two people meet in a local chat room... but that's not the only place they meet, is it? Slightly AU. Story written by aquariusmind on the surgical language fourm.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO SHONDA RHIMES. THIS STORY WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN AND POSTED ON THE SURGICAL LANGUAGE BOARD.**

It was 1 a.m. and the room was dark with the exceptional glowing light coming off the computer screen in her bedroom. She sighed heavily as she blinked her unfatigued eyes and wished that sleep would come. She kept glancing down at the clock and felt irritation grow each time knowing that she would have to be up soon for work, yet she couldn't seem to fall asleep. All she could do at this hour however was sat in silence and hope that boredom called her to bed soon. After googling a few meaningless things and checking out hospital stats to brush up her memory, she tried to think of the most boring thing she could think of. Her mind hurt a little as she thought a moment or two and then a tab on the top of the screen popped out at her. She smiled and sighed with relief as she clicked on 'SEATTLE CHAT'…

Her eyes widened a little as she saw the amount of people in the chat room at this time of night. Rolling her eyes thinking they had no life she amused herself by reading their conversations and deciding it was probably better if she just stayed out of it. Figuring that the less she talked the quicker sleep would come, and not seeing any relevance to her life that the conversations had. She watched for a while, giggling at the meaningless conversations about 40 year olds still living at home, and a woman who had to get rid of her 23 cats. A few other users arguing about politics, she shook her head a little and her first yawn came out. She welcomed it warmly and sighed waiting for a few more before she turned the computer off. As she blinked the water out of her eyes she heard a slight ding sound. She squinted a little and looked around the screen to see a flashing window saying 'instant message'. She panicked a moment, not wanting at all to join in anyone's conversation and started to close the window but curiosity got the better of her so she decided to read it first.

_DASH109: So lurking are we? Are you on this time of night due to boredom or are you actually wanting to join in on this crap conversation…_

She felt her lips pull up into a smile and heard a tired laugh erupt from her lips before hesitantly deciding to respond to the comedic user.

_MEG216: Neither really, I just can't sleep.  
>DASH109: Oh you too huh, why not?<br>MEG216: I have a big day tomorrow, I start a new job.  
>DASH109: You know, usually people are excited to start a new job, not losing sleep over it.<br>MEG216: Yeah…but this isn't just any job for me.  
>DASH109: I respect privacy so you don't have to tell me, but you have me curious.<br>MEG216: How about vague honesty?  
>DASH109: Ooo.. I like the concept.<br>MEG216: LOL, ok. Well I work with lots of people and important kind of work. If I mess up it could be life and death.  
>DASH109: Oh, I see why it could cost you a few Zzz's then. I get a few nights here and there too.<br>MEG216: Hence, why you're up talking to me at almost 2 in the morning?  
>DASH109: lol, yes…hence!<br>MEG216: So can I ask, vaguely what you do?  
>DASH109: Vaguely… I'm in management I guess you could say. I see over a lot of people and it's very stressful.<br>MEG216: I can't imagine. Just barely starting is stressful enough.  
>DASH109: It took me a lot of years to get there but it's worth the accomplishment.<br>MEG216: Do I smell an ego brewing?  
>DASH109: If you do that's a very impressive sense of smell you have!<br>MEG216: Ha! A smartass too I see.  
>DASH109: Wow you can see me too!?<br>MEG216: You can stop now.  
>DASH109: Oh but it's so much fun! … ok I'll stop. But just so you know hard work is rewarded, and it sounds like you're worried enough to care a lot about the job so I'm sure you'll be an excellent employee.<br>MEG216: Thanks Dash, I have to say your confidence in me is refreshing… well as refreshing as it can be from a total stranger.  
>DASH109: Uh, I'll go ahead and take that as a compliment Meg.<br>MEG216: If you wish.  
>DASH109: I wish…. I wish I knew what to call you too.<br>MEG216: You really think that's necessary? I mean what if we never even talk again.  
>DASH109: SO pessimistic! You never know, I could be the guy you meet, first thing in the morning and never know it… I might be the guy you need to get to know to love.<br>MEG216: So you're saying that if I know you, I'll love you? That's kind of stalker scary!  
>DASH109: lol, it is.. jk. I'll just keep calling you Meg until you tell me otherwise.<br>MEG216: Assuming we talk again… and ok, I'll call you Dash. It's…. dashing!  
>MEG216: Ok, that was cheesy!<br>DASH109: LOL!  
>MEG216: Well I have to get up or stay up or whatever you'd define it in about 2 hours, maybe I should try to sleep.<br>DASH109: I agree.. And a bit of advice for tomorrow. Though I personally find the rambling adorable, your bosses probably won't so try not to do that.  
>MEG216: Right. Duly noted.<br>DASH109: Well Meg, I won't keep you but I've enjoyed our conversation and I hope you're wrong.  
>MEG216: Wrong?<br>DASH109: Yes, I hope that we DO get to talk again…  
>MEG216: Oh, ok.. Well I can't make any promises.<br>DASH109: I wouldn't expect you to, we've only just met.  
>MEG216: lol.. Ok well I might be on in a couple of days, I might not.<br>DASH109: Ok. Happy working and if we see each other again I'll be thrilled. If not, good luck on the job.  
>MEG216: Thanks, good luck in your management thingy..<br>DASH109: G'night Meg.  
>MEG216: Goodnight Dash<em>

**SIGN OFF**


	2. Chapter 2

It was sheer chaos from the time she opened her eyes to the sound of her blaring alarm clock and noticed that it had been going off for some time, to the time she got out of her luke warm shower and rushed over to the hospital. By the time she reached the parking lot she didn't care that her socks didn't match, or that her shoes looked like they were dug out of the trash because she couldn't find her new ones, or that her hair was still wet and barely brushed through. She'd be changing soon anyways and hoped that no one was really paying attention to her that much anyways, the less attention the better. However she knew deep down inside that she wouldn't get so lucky. She grabbed her cup of coffee and dashed into the hospital like a bat out of hell. She never had to stop, she knew the place too well and it never gave her a good feeling.

She flung the doors open and started to dart straight for the elevators when she suddenly came to a crashing halt. She felt herself gasp as she was flung backwards against the tile floor of the hospital lobby and felt her coffee fly out of her hands and the sounds of liquid and papers falling hazardously all over the floor. She squeezed her eyes close for a second wishing it was a dream before quickly scrambling up to find a grumbling dark-haired man squatting down to pick up his strewn papers..

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you." she gasped as she reached to help him gather his coffee stained papers.

"It's no wonder you didn't with the speed you came barreling in here!" he muttered out.

"I'm sorry I'm just in a hurry, here let me help you."

"You've done enough!" he hissed back as he flashed his eyes up at her in a glare. She gasped to herself for a moment at the fierce blue color of them. They softened for a moment as if he were somehow surprised to see her in front of him but they soon hardened as he glanced away to see his files all over the floor.

"Look, I'm really sorry please let me help you."

"No." he muttered out "Just go, you're running late."

"Late?" she frowns "How do you know?"

"You're an intern, right?" he replies as he lightly glances up at her, scanning over her appearance but never making eye contact as if he were afraid of it.

"Yes." she stutters out "how did you know?"

"Your hair is wet." he says "you smell like soap as if you just stepped out of the shower, your clothes are wrinkled like you just pulled them out of the hamper, you have that deer in the headlights look in your eyes, you came barreling into the lobby entrance so you obviously don't have an emergency, and if that wasn't a dead ringer, you're drinking black coffee." he hisses out the last part as he picks up a brown stained paper looking it over with disgust.

"What's wrong with black coffee?" she frowns

"Interns and med students drink black coffee, they want the maximum wake up so they drink the bitter hot tasting liquid full of caffeine to wake up their senses and they usually don't have time to put anything in it anyways." he mumbles "Attendings and residents take the time to enjoy."

"So milk and sugar mean enjoyment?" she frowns.

"Who knows!" he snaps "But what I do know is that if you don't stop talking and get your ass upstairs before your resident calls you, you'll have a hell of a first day than you're already going to have as it is!"

"Right." she mumbles and tosses the papers she gathered in his direction before standing up and carefully making a B-line to the elevator. After the doors closed on her she cursed herself for her clumsiness and also for not getting the man's name so she could properly apologize to him later.

She rushes into the intern locker room quickly and finds the one with her name on it. She looks at the numbers scribbled on her hand and enters them into the combination lock, she wiggles the handle…no movement. She sighs heavily and tries the combination again, no luck. She does it again, but wiggles the handle vigorously this time, still no luck. Out of the corner of her eye she sees a hand fly by and bang against the door of her locker, she jumps a little but is happy to see the door to her locker pop open with ease. She turns to see a boyish looking man smiling there in light blue scrubs.

"Some of them are stubborn, you have to hit them a little to show em' who's boss." he smirks.

"Uh, thanks!" she smiles and frowns at the familiarity of his face

"George." he replies sticking out his hand "we met at the mixer last night."

"Oh, right." she nods and shakes his hand "sorry, I didn't stay long enough to get everyone's name. I wanted to get home and get some sleep, why they want to get us all drunk the night before our first day beats the hell out of me."

"Haha." George laughs, she hears another giggle two lockers away and sees a tall blonde, Barbie doll looking girl smiling down at her.

"You have a point there." she smiles "I'm Isobel Stevens."

"Meredith." she replies to them both.

"Who do you have as a resident?" Isobel asks "Oh and call me Izzie."

"Um," she hums as she looks at another note on her hand "Bailey."

"Oh! Me too!" she almost sings

"The Nazi." George frowns "I've got her too."

"Looks like we'll be suffering together then." she replies, they both chuckle.

"Not as much as they think!" she hears down the row of lockers and looks to see a bitter looking asian girl staring at her.

"I'm sorry?" she asks thoroughly confused.

"You may think you've got the upper hand on us around here, but think again when it comes to me. Unlike you I believe people need to work hard for achievement, not be born with it."

"You're greatly mistaken." she mumbles back as she feels the first sting of many she knew were coming

"Cristina!" Izzie hisses "Why are you being so mean to her, she's an intern just like the rest of us and you don't even know her."

"I know exactly who she is," she growls back "she's only here because of who her mommy is."

"That's not true." she mumbles.

"Oh right!" Cristina mutters "like they wouldn't let you into the program with a mother like Ellis Grey!"

She cringes as she hears the locker room turn to silence and all eyes fall on her. She sees Cristina give out a pleased smirk before prancing out of the room, the silence turns into grumbles from interns feeling their upper hands crumble in the presence of the offspring of such a legend. Meredith feels her cheeks burn with embarrassment and fury at such accusations. She had to work just as hard if not harder than anyone else, but she knew that they would jump to think the opposite. If only they knew how her mother really was…

"Don't worry about Cristina." George whispers with a pat on the back "she's just a spoiled rich girl from Beverly Hills and she obviously feels intimidated by you, just brush it off."

"Yeah." she sighs "just this day has been crap since it started… it can't possibly get any worse."

The doors open and a small dark-skinned resident walks in and calls out to them.

"Grey, Stevens, Yang, O'Malley!" they all look up startled and walk her way, she narrows her eyes at them "Don't bother sucking up to me, I already hate you. That being said, come with me." Its all they can do to nod and follow her quick little feet down the hallway. "I'll be quickly introducing you to the Attendings before we go down to the other departments and get started. Don't ask them questions or waste their time, they're very busy and have scalpels."

Gulp. They follow Bailey until she comes to a stop down the hallway and into a room with a comatose patient. Meredith lets her fellow interns in first, making sure to put a lot of distance between herself and Cristina before following them in. She stops dead center in the doorway as she looks up and sees a familiar looking dark-haired man. The lines in his face gave away the fact that he wasn't in any better of a mood since that morning but then again she didn't do anything to improve it. Her heart started beating faster when she noticed the white coat and dark blue scrubs.

"Everyone." Bailey starts "this is our neuro Attending Dr. Derek Shepherd, you'll be working with him a lot, especially this winter when the weather gets bad and stupid people get stupider. Just watch and listen, don't get in his way and you'll learn a lot, plus it'll just piss him off and you'll spend eternity trying to get back on your feet."

"Crap." she mutters to herself. "it just got worse."


	3. Chapter 3

"Where have you been hiding?" George asks with a smile as he sets his tray down at the table Meredith had been solely sitting at.

"What?"

"You keep lagging behind since this morning." Izzie replies sitting down "I think I saw you dive behind a curtain too…you cant learn anything if you're not going to keep up…I mean if you're not going to participate why be here, unless of course you don't need to participate because you know it all already."

"You too?" Meredith says disgruntled "You're more than welcome to not be my friends, I mean you can go ahead and hate me like the rest of this hospital."

"They don't hate you." George frowns "forgive Izzie, she doesn't know when to stop." he said as he gave her a quick kick under the table

"Ouch!"

"Are you trying to get on my good side because it wont help you, I'm no celebrity here."

"Actually I was just trying to be your friend, for no reason at all." George says

"Oh." she replies half surprised, half guilty "well ok just as long as you know that it might do the opposite of favors."

"So is Bailey that scary?" George asks "I mean she's tough but I'm sure she means well."

"No." she sighs "I guess Bailey isn't the one that's all that scary."

"Then who?" Izzie asks "If it's Cristina, then don't worry about it. She's not worth it."

"I'm definitely not worried about Cristina, I had people like her all through med school."

"If you were treated so badly why did you even want to join the medical field?" George asks

"I…" she replies with a frown "I don't know, I guess I just never saw myself doing anything else."

"Oh." they reply in unison.

"So what are you hiding from?" Izzie asks

"Shepherd." she mumbles under her breath.

"What, why?" Izzie giggles "everyone else is dying to get a look at him."

"I sort of knocked him over this morning on my way in, I spilled coffee all over him."

"Oh." they say in unison again

"I tried to help him, but he was sort of an ass to me. He's been glaring at me ever since and so I hide."

"Well, he's hot.. He can be an ass." Izzie replies

"So you didn't get off to a good start." George shrugs "maybe tomorrow will be better?"

"Doubt it." Meredith replies as she scans around the room to see dirty looks from quite a few of the other interns.. "Why do you guys want to be friends with me anyway?"

"You look like you need a friend." George replies, she looks at him skeptically

"don't worry he's not coming on to you." Izzie says "he's gay." Meredith's eyes widen a little as she watches George flash her a dirty look "and he sort of feeds off other people's suffering…ouch!"

"Well, in that case we'll probably be best friends." Meredith shrugs.

"I just don't want to see anyone get too down, I mean it can't be THAT bad…" George replies. The cafeteria suddenly got quiet and they looked up to see a pair of dark blue scrubs standing in front of their table. Meredith ducked her head a little and started wringing her hands under the table..

"As you know an attending picks an intern to assist on the first day." he mutters out "since I'm in the OR today I get to do the picking. I'll be blunt, I see nothing special out here today." his eyes narrow in on Meredith "Grey."

"What." she gasps and feels her heart race a little wondering if maybe she mistook him at first.

"I want you in the PIT for the rest of the day and as far away from my OR, god knows you might barrel in and knock the patient off the table. Try not to kill anyone."

Gulp. "Ye..yes sir." she stutters out.

"O'Malley, you're with me." he hisses.

"Seriously!" he exclaims before bolting out of his seat to hear grumbling around the room.

"Not if you're going to do that!" he snaps

"Yes sir, toning down sir." he nods before following him out of the room.

"He hates me." Meredith mumbles as she watches them leave.

"He doesn't hate you." Izzie replies with a light shoulder rub, she turns and looks at her incredulously, "Ok well maybe mildly but at least he sent you somewhere."

"Oh right, rectal exams and stitches are such an honor!"

"At least you're doing something." she snickers as she stands up and grabs her tray "cheer up."

"I'll try."


	4. Chapter 4

Derek Shepherd led a very lonely life. He used to be the man that everyone envied, the man who had it all. And then one day it all fell apart and the only thing he had left was his accomplishments and career. He made it a point to not form personal attachments towards people, it was simple, he didn't want to be hurt again. The harder it was to resist, the angrier he became. He spent his days like a robot, just carrying out the motions and his nights drinking a bottle of aged scotch. Tonight wasn't any different. After a day long of new interns running around and acting like morons he needed the drink and quiet more than ever.

He turned the lights on in his little trailer in the woods and set his bag down. He didn't miss a step going to the counter and pulling down the bottle. He proceeded to pour the alcohol into a glass and took a very refreshing sip. He sighed with satisfaction and went back to his small bedroom and kicked off his shoes. He lounged back in the bed and finished half the glass before he set it down on the night stand. He noticed his laptop sitting there. He frowned with curiosity and picked it up wondering if he could find something distracting or even some nice chatty company. Somewhere that he didn't have to be himself in. After it finished booting up he checked his emails, nothing special. He surfed around a few medical sites looking up information, he started to shut it all down when he heard a soft 'ding'. He felt a jump in his chest and couldn't help but smile to see a blinking window at the bottom of the screen.

_MEG216: Looks like I was wrong….  
>DASH109: Are you happy about that or disappointed?<br>MEG216: After today… I'm a little happy about it.  
>DASH109: A little? I'll take it… how was your first day?<br>MEG216: I would say hell but I don't think that is a good enough description.  
>DASH109: What exactly went wrong, or vaguely I should say?<br>MEG216: Vaguely… I couldn't get anything right. It was like everything I learned in school went out the window.  
>DASH109: Give yourself a break, it was your first day…<br>MEG216: I also really pissed off my boss, he hates me.  
>DASH109: Highly unlikely, he's probably just trying to test you. I have to do that sometimes with my employees, I might even like them but I don't want them going weak on me so I test them.<br>MEG216: It's evil.  
>DASH109: Fair enough. But it works. He might just be strengthening you, take it with a grain of salt.<br>MEG216: Easier said than done but I'll try.  
>DASH109: Is that all that went wrong?<br>MEG216: For the most part, oh also everyone hates me thanks to my mom.  
>DASH109: Why would your mother make everyone hate you?<br>MEG216: It's not that she did anything to make them hate me, they just hate me because of who she is.  
>DASH109: Did she kill someone?<br>MEG216: NO! lol.. She's just a very important person in the industry.. I guess they think that I'm only here because she did me a ton of favors… in reality I feel like I have less advantage.  
>DASH109: I see… well I know what you mean. My advice is to show them what you can do and let them eat their words.<br>MEG216: Yeah, maybe. I just feel like I can't ever get out of her shadow.  
>DASH109: Is she a bad person? Why wouldn't you want to follow in her footsteps.<br>MEG216: idk.. I just feel like no matter how hard I try she'll never think it's good enough.  
>DASH109: She sounds charming, a lot like my dad was with me.<br>MEG216: She means well… I mean she raised me all on her own. She had to be both parents so I see why her tough demeanor is there but sometimes I wish she wasn't SO tough.  
>DASH109: I see… would it be too much to ask where your father was? Did he die?<br>MEG216: Unfortunately no. He left my mom when she was pregnant.  
>DASH109: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine. I could never do that to someone I love.<br>MEG216: That's refreshing to hear… my mother always tells me that he got lucky never having to deal with me.  
>DASH109: That's terrible. I never knew my mother but I can't imagine her saying that.<br>MEG216: Why didn't you know her?  
>DASH109: She died in a car accident when I was a baby.. I was raised by my dad in a single parent home too. I know what you mean by them being tough, I was sure my dad would kill me if I failed at anything.<br>MEG216: Sounds like my mother.  
>DASH109: We seem to have a few things in common… how odd.<br>MEG216: A little. But it's kind of nice being able to talk to someone about this stuff.  
>DASH109: I agree, I haven't been able to talk to anyone in a while.<br>MEG216: What about your wife or someone?  
>DASH109: Don't have one… well not anymore. It didn't work out.<br>MEG216: Sorry to hear that. I've never been married but I can imagine it's painful.  
>DASH109: It can be. Some days are better than others, today was not one of them.<br>MEG216: What happened today?  
>DASH109: Just a very rough day at work, we had a lot of new people who didn't know what they were doing. I like to run a tight ship and it gets frustrating when people get in the way.<br>MEG216: I guess that's understandable. At my job a tight ship is necessary, some people take that for granted.  
>DASH109: Exactly! See, why can't everyone understand that. I don't mean to be rough but when it can get people hurt someone's got to take charge.<br>MEG216: I see, I guess maybe I was too overwhelmed today. Maybe my boss was just doing his job.  
>DASH109: Perhaps, don't take it personal. And at the same time don't let him stomp on you. You have the right to shine, don't let him take your glory.<br>MEG216: I wont let them get me down. … enough about work though.  
>DASH109: I agree, I can barely handle it the hours I have to endure it.<br>MEG216: lol  
>DASH109: So what should we talk about?<br>MEG216: Tell me more about yourself, but not TOO much. Vague is our number one rule.  
>DASH109: Rules huh? Rules aren't always fun.<br>MEG216: Maybe not, but they can keep people from getting hurt.  
>DASH109: True, let's be vague then… what do you want to know? Ask me questions….<br>MEG216: Did you grow up in Seattle? How big of a family do you have? What are some hobbies you enjoy? What's your favorite kind of foods?  
>DASH109: Wow, that's a lot of questions all at once.<br>MEG216: Sorry…  
>DASH109: It's alright, lol. I find it amusing, did you ramble today?<br>MEG216: You're changing the subject back to work… and a little, I can't help it when I'm nervous.  
>DASH109: Good… to answer your questions no, I only moved here after my divorce. Just needed a change of scenery… I have no family, I was an only child and my father passed away two years ago. Don't be sorry, as much as I loved the man for being my father I'm a little relieved to not have him barking down my throat all the time. As for hobbies, I hardly have time for them but when I do it's got to be outdoors because I spend all my work time indoors and I'm just itching to get out. And food, I'm not picky but I do love a good steak!<br>MEG216: Wow, well I AM sorry to hear about your father. I'm sure if my mom were to kill over I'd be a little sad.  
>DASH109: It's ok. Why don't you answer me the same questions…<br>MEG216: Ok. Well, I grew up in Seattle, but I went to school on the east coast so I'm finding myself getting re-used to the area. I'm an only child as well. Hobbies, I don't have many but I have to agree that the outdoors sounds great! I don't have much experience with it though, my mother spent most of my childhood working so I never got to go camping or fishing or hiking… food wise, I can eat almost anything. I don't like junk food much, but I make a special exception for pizza.  
>DASH109: lol you must be fresh out of college if you still love pizza. I have to say I crave it from time to time but I enjoy eating healthy as well. And I'm sorry for your lack of adventure in childhood. I think it's sad you've never taken in the great outdoors. I really wish there was a way I could change that.<br>MEG216: How would you change it?  
>DASH109: Well, for starters I'd get you out of the big city… we'd drive through the country in a convertible with the top down. Then when I found the perfect spot we'd park and grab our things and hike through the woods just enough to feel a little tired. Then find a clearing overlooking a beautiful crystal clear lake sparkling in the sun. I'd set us up a picnic lunch on a blanket and we'd eat and chat a little bit over a few glasses of wine. Then when we finish lunch I'd teach you how to fish, you'd probably show me up (beginners luck) and then when the sun started to go down we'd head back to town and I'd drop you off and say goodnight…. How did that sound?<br>MEG216: Wonderful! I'm speechless. You sound like you've had that thought out in detail and it was asked on the spot. You must be wonderful on dates!  
>DASH109: lol, I don't date much. I can't tell you the last time I was on one. I guess it's always been a dream of mine to have someone to share that with but I never found a girl who wanted to get out-of-town.<br>MEG216: Well it sounds like they were missing out, I find the thought of that fascinating.  
>DASH109: You know Meg, I have to say that you've definitely surprised me.<br>MEG216: How so?  
>DASH109: I don't know how to say this, but I just thought that when I first messaged you I'd find another boring person to be able to put me to sleep with nonsense, I was kind of hoping for it actually. But we have so much in common it seems that I'm finding it all a little.. Exciting.<br>MEG216: Dash… I'd be lying if I didn't find it a little exciting too.  
>DASH109: It's too bad you only live in my computer screen lol<br>MEG216: Haha, true. You'd have a fishing buddy.  
>DASH109: LOL<em>  
>Derek heard the beeper on his nightstand go off and sighed as he glanced it over, he turned back to his laptop reluctantly.<br>_DASH109: Meg, I'm terribly sorry but I have to run back to work.  
>MEG216: At this late hour?<br>DASH109: I guess you could call it an emergency.. I hate to run but I really enjoyed speaking with you and I hope we meet up again.  
>MEG216: I do too Dash. Hope all goes well at work, have a good night!<br>DASH109: Goodnight_

**SIGN OFF**


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith woke up the next morning to the sound of her alarm clock chirping. She looked over to shut it off and smiled to see that she wouldn't be running late today. She sighed happily as she sat up and put her feet on the floor and felt a little light-hearted and confident from the conversation she'd had the night before. She couldn't believe that a complete stranger could turn her mood upside down in an instant. It was like she was a whole different person when she was talking to him. She laughed to herself at the silliness of it and shook it off as she went to shower. She took her time a little to get ready for work, drying her hair and putting on a little make up. Then finding unwrinkled clothes and shoes that were neat and polished. She looked herself over in the mirror before leaving the house and gave off a satisfactory smile.

"Much better." she told herself.

The drive to the hospital was a peaceful one, most of the rush hour traffic hadn't started yet that early and she was able to find a parking spot fairly close. She walked in this time, not in a hurry and headed to the elevator and got on. Only a few people were on, a guy from what looked like the lab and a few night nurses who were too busy yawning to chat. She was glad that it was a quiet ride, she could rehearse everything she needed to remember in her head. The elevator stopped on the third floor, she sighed a little and looked at her watch. She didn't need to rush up the stairs she was well on time. Everyone moved aside to make way for the new body coming onboard but she was already standing against the back wall. The doors opened and she glanced up, and then again but this time staying on the figure in front of her and trying to hide her fear.

He wasn't paying attention and looking grumpy as usual with a coffee in hand and briefcase in the other. He glanced at his watch before stepping towards the open doors. He looked up to see where he was going when their eyes clashed like balls of energy erupting into fire in the space between them. His look of irritation instantly softened as he stared at her for a few moment and then he started to look as though he was in pain, and that pain was causing him anger. He narrowed his eyes at her and took a large step back.

"I'll take the stairs." he muttered out before turning and quickly leaving.

She felt as though someone had punched her hard in the gut as the doors slid close. Luckily everyone in the elevator was too tired to notice or care for that matter. She shook her head in awe and wondered what exactly she did to deserve such despise from him. Were the papers that she stained with coffee THAT important? Did she somehow hurt him when she collided into him? She had no idea, but she knew that somehow she needed to find a way to ignore it so she could work with him. She reached down deep inside of her and found the words to give her courage. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as she got off the elevator and headed to the locker room.

"It's ok, it was your first time." she saw Izzie telling George who was bent over with his face in his hands.

"What's wrong with George?" she asks

"He didn't do so well in surgery yesterday."

"Oh!" she gasps "I forgot to ask you how that went."

"Mmggmhmm." George moans.

"That bad?"

"Shepherd doesn't have patience for newbie's, and George well.. He needs to work on his coördination skills."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" George yelps before standing up and storming out the door.. Izzie and Meredith burst into giggles.

"I'll fill you in at lunch."

"Look forward to it," she replies "by then I'll probably need something entertaining to listen to."

"Alright you babies!" they hear from the door and look over to see Bailey standing there "which one of y'all put in your lab work from yesterday?"

"I did." Meredith replies.

"Ok, everyone to the PIT except Grey. I need to send an extra pair of hands upstairs for a trauma so, go."

"Ok."

"Wait! Um, Bailey, I.. I turned in my labs yesterday, well last night but the lab was closed can I go?" Cristina buts in.

"Ok," Bailey nods after a skeptical look "I suppose both of you can go."

"What?" Cristina hisses "I got here first this morning why should she have the advantage!"

"Hey!" Bailey yelps "You're an intern, you don't get to pick the sides, I do! She's on your side so I suggest you learn to get along. We're all a team here and the better we learn to get along means the better chance of survival. You can go with Grey or you can go to the pit with the rest of the pond scum… your choice!"

She nods and follows Meredith out the door but tries to pass her up hoping that if she gets there faster she might have the upper hand. Meredith shakes her head in the ridiculousness of it and picks up pace.

"Oh, and Grey!" they hear down the hall and both stop to look back "when you get there assess the situation quickly so you have something to tell Shepherd when he gets there, he doesn't like slow pokes."

"Shepherd?" she mumbles incoherently and feels her good mood vanish as well as the blood in her face, she hears a snicker and turns to see Cristina smiling.

"I guess there's no hurry after all-seeing as how the surgery will be mine. I'll have someone fill you in on the details of it later though."

She bit her tongue and watched Cristina leisurely walk to the elevator. Meredith sighed heavily before turning and rushing to the stairwell and stomping up the steps to the roof quickly all while chanting to herself..

"I wont let them get me down, I wont let them get me down, I wont let them get me down."

* * *

><p>The elevator must have been faster than the stairs, when Meredith got to the patient's room Cristina was already in there standing in the corner flipping through a small red book. Her eyes turned to the bed and she panicked a moment when she saw a flailing teenage girl having out of control convolutions. The nurses were shouting at each other and one was asking Cristina what to do but she stood there speechless looking through the book. Meredith took a deep breath and stepped towards the bed.<p>

"What's going on?" she asked in a serious tone.

"Are you a doctor?" the nurse asked as she tried to keep the patient's head from hitting anything

"I'm an intern, how can I help?"

"We have a 15-year-old female flown in from downtown suffering from grand mal seizures. No history of epilepsy, she's full on Phenytoin and still unresponsive. Doctor, what do you need us to do?" she asks urgently. Meredith stands there a moment looking at the seizing patient and accelerating heart rate and knows she doesn't have much time to act, she looks at Cristina to see no change in her behavior "Doctor what do we do!"

"Um.. You already gave her all the Phenytoin?"

"Yes! I just said that…"

"Ok," she nods looking over the chart quickly "give her 1mg of Valium." she orders out. The nurses whip their heads up at her in shock and she hears footsteps behind her..

"What!" Cristina shouts "Did you just say give her Valium! Pain isn't the priority here Dr. Grey we need to get her to stop seizing first!"

"I realize that!" Meredith snaps "but I'm here doing something and not in the corner with my nose in a book ignoring a critically ill patient! And Valium happens to be a relaxant, I saw them use it on a GM patient when I was in med school, SO unless you have a BETTER idea, give her the damn Valium!"

Cristina stands there speechless and Meredith gives a stern look to the nurses, they nod and give her the dose of medicine into her IV fluid. Meredith holds her breath as she watches the patient slowly starting to come out of her seizure and calm down. Her body finally stops moving and her heart rate goes down.

"Ok." she breathes out with relief.. The nurses all sigh and start to commend her when it's interrupted by the sound that is most feared in the hospital.. A flat line beep, the sound of a stopped heart. "Shit!"

As Meredith moves to the side of the bed the nurses rush a crash cart over and start charging it up.

"Real genius!" Cristina hisses "don't you know that one of the side effects of Valium is that it can relax to the point of stopping the heart!"

"It stopped her seizure." Meredith mumbled as she grabbed the paddles and placed them on the girl's chest "CLEAR!"

No change.

"Charge to 300!" she shouted.. "CLEAR!"

No change.

"Charge again!" she called out.

"What are you stupid?" Cristina muttered "if there's no change you're supposed to push drugs, oh wait but that's what stopped her heart!"

"Charge again!" she called louder and waited for the beep "CLEAR!"

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

They all breathed a sigh of relief to see a normal heart rhythm on the patient. Meredith felt a little nauseated but didn't have much time to react before the door burst open.

"What happened!" she heard an angry voice snap out. She opened her mouth and fought for words but before she could get so much as a squeak out, Cristina was at his side with the chart.

"Uh, Dr. Shepherd we have a 15-year-old patient who started seizing GM shortly after arrival, no history of epilepsy, she was unresponsive to Phenytoin…I was in the process of finding a sister drug to administer when Dr. Grey stepped in and administered Valium to the patient, which stopped her heart and luckily we were able to revive her just before you got here."

"What!" he snapped as he whipped his head up to glare and Meredith "You gave her Valium! What were you thinking?"

"I…" was all she could manage

"She said she saw it done in medical school."

"Oh, really?" he muttered "well was the patient in medical school also allergic to Valium?"

"A-a-allergic?" Meredith stuttered as she felt her head starting to spin

"Did you read the chart?"

"I, um."

"Obviously not, it says right there in the field chart written in red, Allergies: Morphine, Lorazapam and VALIUM! You're damn lucky you got her back Grey, if it were up to me your license would be on the line right now."

All Meredith could manage was to stand there speechless and stare. She felt the contents of her stomach really urging to boil over but she fought for the sake of what dignity she had left to keep them at bay.

"So, Dr. Shepherd. If you need an intern in the OR I'd be more than happy to assist." Cristina sweet talked.

"There wont be any surgery." he muttered out paying no attention to her brown nosing.

"I'm sorry?"

"I can't operate unless I know what to fix Dr. Yang. If we find what's wrong then we can operate, that is as long as the staff here doesn't kill her first. Find out what's causing the seizures and then we'll talk about the OR."

"Well if I find out what's wrong then can I be in there?"

"It's possible."

"Um." Cristina said clearing her throat and shooting Meredith a harsh glare "Should Dr. Grey be excused from the case sir?"

"No." he said in the calmest tone that either had ever heard him speak in, they both gasped to themselves in surprise.

"What?" they both mumbled in unison.

"No." he said snapping the chart shut and smacking it down on the patient's table "Dr. Grey needs to fix what she's broken, if she wants to correct any of what she's done she'll get on it right away. If you wish to help her that's on you."

"But, but." Cristina replied "what about the surgery? We can't both be in on it."

"I never said that either of you would be in on it.. All I said was that it's possible. Work with Dr. Grey, you find out what's wrong and we'll talk. There's more to life that surgery Dr. Yang, this is only your second day, if you're already trying to cut the legs off your colleagues you'll never make it to the finish line and you'll always be alone. Work with her or find another case. Don't page me unless you find something worth bothering me about."

"Yes sir." they both mumbled.

Cristina left the room without a word or even a glance in her direction. Meredith felt a little out of breath and grabbed the chart before heading out and down the hallway. She held her stomach before making a b-line into the bathroom thinking that her tenacity was much stronger than her stomach.


	6. Chapter 6

After emptying her stomach contents into the toilet Meredith went to the sink and washed her face with cold water. She felt her hands shaking as she dried her skin off with a paper towel, and for just reason, she'd almost killed a patient, a fifteen year old girl who was just starting out in life. And she could have ended that life, she felt tears well in her eyes and needed to find something to calm her, so she could focus on finding out what was wrong with Katie, and fix what she broke. She leaned against the sink and reached in her pocket for her blackberry. She managed to sign onto the chat room and crossed all her crossables that he was there…

_DASH109: Didn't expect to see you here right now.  
>MEG216: I could say the same for you.<br>DASH109: To what do I owe this pleasure?  
>MEG216: Cute, but I'm having a bad day…and for some reason I needed to talk to you to calm down.<br>DASH109: Well I have to confess I am here for the same reason, let's start with you, what's wrong?  
>MEG216: I made a mistake.<br>DASH109: We all make mistakes.  
>MEG216: My mistake almost hurt someone, like really badly hurt them.<br>DASH109: Will they survive?  
>MEG216: For now…<br>DASH109: As long as their heart is still beating Meg, they have the glory of a second chance. Just go with that and make the best of it. Learn from it, and don't make it again.  
>MEG216: I'm afraid to even try anymore.<br>DASH109: That's the worst thing you could do. You have to climb back in the saddle so to say.  
>MEG216: I know, I just feel like everything and everyone is against me, I'm battling an army.<br>DASH109: Well I'm on your side, so that's one person.  
>MEG216: True…one tiny half a person who lives in my computerphone.  
>DASH109: Er, thanks!<br>MEG216: Sorry, that was mean. I'm not normally depressed like this.  
>DASH109: I know, I'm sure you're a very bright person in real life…on a good day. Just like the rest of us.<br>MEG216: Thanks Dash…so what's going on with you today?  
>DASH109: About the same thing really. I had an employee really mess up, and it could have cost me and them too. I hate seeing someone ruin their career when it's only just started. Especially when they show quite a bit of talent.<br>MEG216: Yeah, my boss was a little…no, a lot, hard on me about my mistake.  
>DASH109: Well as a boss I can say he probably just wants to see you do better.<br>MEG216: He must, because he's making me fix it. I don't know where to start though.  
>DASH109: You sound like a smart person, just start where you think you ought to.<br>MEG216: That's the thing, it's a mystery. I have no idea where to even begin looking for a solution.  
>DASH109: Look for the obvious, it's usually out in the open when everyone is too busy looking too hard for the unobvious right?<br>MEG216: Maybe. I'll see what I can find._  
>Meredith heard the door to the bathroom slam open and looks up to see dark angry eyes staring her down.<br>_MEG216: Gotta go, ttyl!_

***SIGN OFF***

* * *

><p>"Oh great, talking to your mommy about what you should do now?" Cristina scoffs "I'll bet she can pull you right out of this one."<p>

"No." Meredith mumbled while slipping her phone into her pocket "I'm fully capable of cleaning up my own messes. I've had to do that all my life."

"Sure." Cristina mutters under her breath "So are we going to work on this or not?"

"Yeah, I was on my way to the library."

"You can't just call your mommy and ask her?"

"No." Meredith narrowed her eyes "I know it's hard to believe but my mother's had nothing to do with my success, I like to earn it myself."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Cristina laughed.

"You can believe what you want to believe." Meredith muttered, "I'm going to the library to find out what's wrong with Katie."

They both went down to the research room and looked through book after books, sitting down the aisle from each other with stacks of textbooks strewn all around them…

"Think obvious, think obvious." Meredith mumbled to herself.

"If it were obvious we would have seen it already." Cristina muttered "Or I would have anyway."

Meredith rolled her eyes "If it weren't obvious we would have found it, we've been looking for hours, and nothing's hit us yet."

"Yeah, so?" Cristina grumbled. Meredith thought about what she'd just said and squinted in thought and then looked over at Cristina long and hard "What?"

"Katie got hit in the head."

"By her baton from her stupid gymnastics thing." Cristina scoffed "That's not going to cause a brain injury."

"No." Meredith shook her head "But what if she had an aneurysm."

"We've already checked her for that."

"But what if she had one anyways."

"Meredith." Cristina sighed "You heard Shepherd, don't bother him unless it's something worth bothering him about…actually why don't you go bother him, he seems to like yelling at you."

"Well it's better than sitting here on our asses looking over stuff we've already looked over." she said standing up.

"Whatever, it's your funeral."

Meredith ignored her and walked out, she heard footsteps soon following behind her, apparently curiosity got the best of Cristina. She looked around the floor for Dr. Shepherd but couldn't find him anywhere, and then checked the OR board.

"You'll be dead." Cristina mumbled "He'll literally kill you."

"He already wants to kill me." Meredith shrugged "So what the hell."

"You know I don't like you, not one little bit." Cristina muttered "But I have to admit you have some balls."

Meredith smirked to herself as she headed to OR 2. She walked into the scrub room, Cristina tailing behind her. She grabbed a scrub hat and tied it to her head, tucking her ponytail underneath and then tied a mask over her face. She walked into the OR and the surgeon standing over the table looked up at her.

"Oh this better be worth your career Grey." he scowled.

"I think it's an aneurysm." she said.

"We already checked for an aneurysm the scans came back clean, now go look again and don't bother me in the OR again!" he yelled.

"What if she has one anyway. What if the scans didn't catch it the first time…we were in a hurry."

"Dr. Grey!" he hissed "Are you telling me that I overlooked something, that I, an attending, head of the department made a mistake! Are you telling me I'm not doing my job properly."

"Not at all sir." she gulped "I just think sometimes we look too hard and miss the obvious."

Derek blinked a little and his eyes calmed "It's an expensive test to be done for a second time."

"It's worth it sir." Meredith replied "It's better than not doing anything and watching her die over something we missed."

Derek tightened his eyes and stared at her for a long moment before letting out a sigh.

"Order another one."


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith and Cristina took Katie up for another MRI and waited in the room for the results, when Dr. Shepherd walked in, fresh out of surgery and stared at the screen with a deep scowl on his face. The images finally popped up and the radiologist pointed to something on the top right of the screen.

"Right there." he said.

"I'll be damned." Derek muttered as he squinted to see the small abnormality. Meredith gulped when he glanced up at her "It's minute but it's there."

"I was right." she mumbled to herself in disbelief. Derek stood up straight and let out an irritated sigh.

"Does she need surgery?" Cristina asked eagerly.

"Obviously." Derek muttered as he scribbled on the chart. "But it's a minor procedure, I won't need an intern."

"So we did all that work for what?" Cristina snapped. Derek cocked his head up and looked sharply at her.

"For the satisfaction of figuring out what was wrong with the patient Dr. Yang. That should be plenty for an intern!"

"Fine." she huffed and stormed out the door but stopped and glared at Meredith "I knew I should never have worked with you."

Meredith just gulped, still in disarray that she'd figured out what was wrong, that she was right. Derek turned and stepped out of the room but stopped in the doorway and let out a soft sigh before glancing at her.

"Way to look for the obvious Grey." he said "If you can manage to think before you act like you did just now, you might actually make something of yourself."

He walked out of the room and let out a huge sigh of relief. He hated being hard on her, but at the same time he couldn't help it. When he looked at her he saw and felt so many things, they both excited him and scared him. He gave up on feeling those things after his wife left him, he gave up on being happy, and he told himself that focusing on his career and helping build better doctors would be his life's ambition from then on. He was suddenly distracted by a noise coming from his coat pocket, and smiled to himself as he slipped into the linen closet.

_MEG216: Ok, so you were right.  
>DASH109: I usually am right, but about what exactly?<br>MEG216: There's that flaring ego again! … and you were right about looking for the obvious.  
>DASH109: So did you fix your mistake?<br>MEG216: Yes, the person I hurt should be better by the time the sun rises tomorrow.  
>DASH109: Fantastic! I knew that you could do it.<br>MEG216: I feel like you're the only person that really does.  
>DASH109: That can't be true. Still having problems with your mom's shadow?<br>MEG216: Like you wouldn't believe…I almost thought I saw some light earlier today, but then as soon as the people working with me didn't get the benefits they wanted they threw me back into the darkness.  
>DASH109: That's not right. I'm sorry. Just keep doing what you're doing, and soon enough they'll see who you really are.<br>MEG216: And somehow you do see who I really am?  
>DASH109: I can tell that you're the kind of person that wants to work for what they get. You don't come off as the type to look for an easy way in.<br>MEG216: Thanks Dash, I really appreciate that. Oh! I think my boss almost paid me a compliment today.  
>DASH109: Really?<br>MEG216: Yeah, of course it was no better than any compliment my mother's ever given me. But it was the most positive thing he's said to me yet.  
>DASH109: Give him time, I'm sure he'll warm up to you soon enough. I bet he's just trying to see what you can do.<br>MEG216: How is your day going?  
>DASH109: It's looking up actually. My employee surprised me with excellence, and I think the job will turn out to be ok. I feel very relieved.<br>MEG216: Amazing how people can surprise you sometimes, isn't it?  
>DASH109: Absolutely….well I hate to go.<br>MEG216: Me too, I have lots of work to do still.  
>DASH109: I will be looking forward to talking to you again J<br>MEG216: Me too Dash…have a great day!  
>DASH109: You too.<em>

***SIGN OFF***

* * *

><p>"Hey Mer." she heard in the locker room as she was putting her scrubs in her locker.<p>

"Hey Iz." she smiled "Oh, sorry about lunch. I had.."

"I heard." she smiled while untying her shoe laces.

"I didn't get the surgery though."

"I heard that too."

"What are you the eyes and ears of the hospital?"

"No." she giggled "But hanging out behind the nurses station desk you hear a lot."

"Ah." Meredith nodded "Well did you hear that Cristina almost started to like me but now hates me more. And that Shepherd paid me a compliment?"

"Shepherd paid you a compliment?" she gasped "Wow. What did he say?"

"He said that if I keep thinking before acting I might actually make something of myself." Meredith replied. Izzie frowned and looked at her sideways.

"Meredith, how is that a compliment? It's almost insulting."

"I don't know." Meredith shrugged "It's as good as any compliment my mother's ever given me."

"Oh." Izzie looked at her softly "You really didn't get the easy way in this door did you?"

"No." Meredith shook her head "If anything I had to work harder, you have no idea how hard my mother is to impress. And her influences are everywhere."

"I'm sorry."

"I just wish everyone else saw that." She shrugged "But I'm used to working my ass off so it's nothing new."

"Maybe we should go get a drink."

"Alright." she smiled "And maybe you can finally tell me what George did."

"Oh right."

"There will be no talk of what George did." they hear behind them and both turn and giggle "But there will be lots of drinking tonight."

"Let's go." Izzie giggles and rolls her eyes.

They all three walk out of the hospital and go across the street to the Emerald City Bar. It wasn't a big place, but it was littered with medical personnel, at least everyone in there had a mutual understanding of how the other's day went. They sat down at the bar since all the tables were taken and ordered beers.

"I think we're going to need something stronger than beer." Meredith said.

"Why?" George frowned "Do you like being in pain in the morning?"

"Why not." she shrugged "We're being drug through the mud on a minute by minute basis anyway right?"

George smirked and then turned to the bar tender "Joe, we'll take three shots of tequila!"

Meredith giggled and listened quietly as George and Izzie struck up a conversation, picking at the people in the room. Her mind was halfway on something else at the moment, for some reason, despite her fun time with her new friends she couldn't help but wonder where Dash was at the moment, and part of her panicking at the thought of him online waiting for her. Then again, if he spent all his time sitting around online maybe he was a creep and she shouldn't have anything to do with him..

"Who's the boyfriend?" George asked while taking a sip of his beer.

"Huh?" she mumbled "What boyfriend?"

"Whoever you're thinking about right now. Your mind is totally somewhere else, usually that happens when you're thinking about a boyfriend."

"I'm an intern," she mumbled "I don't have time for a boyfriend."

"Well then who were you thinking about?" Izzie asked curiously.

"No one." she mumbled, but looked to see unconvinced expressions "He's not a boyfriend…or prospective boyfriend in the least, I've never met him… I just talk to him about my bad days."

"Oh don't tell me you're so desperate that you're dating someone online." George asked.

"I never said anything about dating." Meredith rolled her eyes "It's just nice to talk to someone who doesn't know you, ya know?"

"No." Izzie frowned "I don't know."

"I don't know why we're event talking about this, he's just a guy I chat with from time to time. It's nothing more than that."

"Then why are you staring off into space thinking about him?" George asked.

She started incredulously at him, Joe came up to them and set three shot glasses on the bar, she lifted one quickly to her lips and downed it. George shook his head and chuckled then he and Izzie downed their shots and went back to their nitpicking conversation. Out of the corner of her eye Meredith saw someone squeeze between the bar stools and approach the bar and set an empty glass down with a large bill. She tossed him a sideways glance and gulped as her posture stiffened.

"You should go home." he muttered after a few moments of uncomfortable silence "You'll need some rest. So you don't go making anymore mistakes."

She looked up at him with wide frustrated eyes and he returned a cold stare before walking away and out the doors of the bar. Meredith stared after him in disbelief before letting out a sigh and turning to her friends.

"Unbelievable isn't it?" Izzie said.

"I just don't get it, why is he so cold and cruel?"

"If you think it's just you you're wrong." George said "Apparently he came here that way, something about his ex-wife screwing him over and someone dying. And from what I hear he's only the hardest on the people he sees the most potential in."

"So what," Meredith frowned "I'm supposed to take his bitterness as a compliment?"

"Maybe." he shrugged. Meredith shook her head and felt her head spin a little from the tequila.

"Well maybe I should get home." she sighed "I do need some sleep, I have a strong feeling tomorrow is going to be an unbearable hell."

"Whatever, you just want to go home and chat up some cyber sex with your iBoyfriend." Izzie laughed.

"You're sick." Meredith hissed "Thanks for the drinks George."

"Goodnight Mer." he smiled "See you tomorrow."

"See ya."

***SIGN ON***

_DASH109: I see you made it through the rest of your day alive.  
>MEG216: Barely…but I tried to go and relax, or recoup after work.<br>DASH109: How did it go? Do you feel relaxed.  
>MEG216: I do now…for some reason I kept thinking about you.<br>DASH109: Were they good thoughts?  
>MEG216: This may sound weird, but I feel pretty excited to talk to you at the end of the day.<br>DASH109: Well I find myself feeling the same way Meg.  
>MEG216: I saw my boss after hours…it was weird, and he was pretty rude, which is nothing new. I just don't see why he has to be so…inhuman towards me, even outside the work place.<br>DASH109: Hmm…sounds like a real asshole.  
>MEG216: That's a good start.<br>DASH109: Not a lot of people must tell him that.  
>MEG216: I don't know, what would it change?<br>DASH109:Well for me, there's a line. A line between being hard to push someone to be who they need to be. And being an outright asshole. And it's nice sometimes when there's someone there to tell me, hey you're being an asshole.  
>MEG216: You want me to tell my boss that he's being an asshole?<br>DASH109: Well….yes.  
>MEG216: As much as I love the though, I think the action would land me on my ass.<br>DASH109: You strike me as one of those ballsy girls, I'm sure you can handle it. You never know, his reaction could surprise you.  
>MEG216: You're right… tomorrow I'm going to march right up to him and tell him what I think of him.<br>DASH109: Oh that'll be interesting.. Make sure you fill me in on the details.  
>MEG216: You'll be the first one I'll want to tell.<br>DASH109: And I'll be looking forward to it all day long.  
>MEG216: I better get some sleep then, since I've got a big day tomorrow.<br>DASH109: Sleep well Meg, and dream big.  
>MEG216: Goodnight Dash.<em>

**SIGN OFF***


	8. Chapter 8

"What are you smiling about?" Izzie asked the next morning in the locker room "I thought you were suffering worse than the rest of us?"

"Oh I am." she sighed with a smile "But I have something to accomplish, as soon as possible."

"What's that."

"Telling Shepherd that he's being an ass."

"Funny." Izzie laughed and then saw a blank look in return from Meredith "Oh my god you're serious!"

"Completely."

"He's going to kill you. He's going to make you do nurse duty for the rest of your career."

"He already hates me, he already makes me suffer. Why not tell him what I feel."

"Meredith." she shook her head "You know you're insane right?"

"My day can't possibly get any worse, I'm telling him how I feel."

Izzie just shook her head and walked out of the locker room. Meredith slipped into her lab coat and walked out as well. She was surprised at how quickly she saw him, she was halfway hoping that she would have a little time to rehearse her speech but there he was, at the end of the hall at the nurses station on the phone, barking out an order and already ruining someone else's day at not even six in the morning. She sucked in a deep breath and walked the distance, stopping behind him. He slammed the phone shut, causing her to jump a little and turned around, surprised to see her there.

"What!" he yelped. She opened her mouth but her words got caught up and jumbled on her tongue, so she closed her mouth and gulped "Dr. Grey if you have nothing to say then get out of my way and go find something useful to do!"

"You are an asshole!" she blurted out, he rocked back on his heels and stared at her startled "You are a jerk, and an asshole and I don't know why you are but you should really look at the way you treat people. I know you think you can act however the hell you think you can because you're an attending and a brain surgeon, but really there are certain things that are acceptable and some that aren't and you cross the line between them often and don't give a rats ass how it makes others feel. I know I'm your student, and I know I've got a lot to learn. But dammit I can still be talked to like a human being! So just stop being an asshole."

She took a breath to regain her oxygen level and stared up at his incredulous, shocked expression, wondering if maybe she'd made a mistake. He finally straightened up and cleared his throat.

"Anything else?"

"No," she nodded "that's about it."

"Alright then." he nodded "Have a good morning Dr. Grey."

He walked around her and down the hall, almost ready to shake his head. She stared at the spot that he had been in disbelief that she'd just done what she did, and even more so that he hadn't reamed her in return. She heard a giggle and looked up to see nurse on the other side of the desk, she winked at Meredith.

"Way to go." she whispered.

"Um.. Thanks." Meredith mumbled… she felt someone bump into her and looked over to see George rushing down the hall "Where's the fire?"

"Aren't you coming?" he called back "There's some big meeting in the conference room, you better hurry or you won't get in."

"Um yeah." she stuttered a little and then chased after George.

George wasn't kidding. When they got there the room was packed, by Attendings, residents, interns, and even some nurses. She was glad she was so small, she squeezed between a few people until she found George and Izzie.

"What's going on?" she whispered.

"Don't know." Izzie shrugged, "How did your thing go? Did you chicken out?"

"No, I told him." she mumbled.

"Was he ready to end your surgical career?"

"No." Meredith frowned

"Seriously?" Izzie asked "What did he say?"

"He said…is that all? And then he walked away."

Izzie's mouth dropped open "You must have caught him on some out of the blue good mood or you are a very lucky person Meredith Grey."

"I don't know." she mumbled "I have a feeling the worse is yet to come. Maybe he's just planning out a way to torture me."

"Maybe." she replied "But you said that your life can't possibly get any worse right?"

"Right." she sighed "It can't possibly get any worse, being an intern sucks."

"Alright everyone, thanks for coming!" they heard and looked up to see Chief Brown enter the room through the side door. "I know you all have jobs to get back to so I'll make this quick. I'm retiring." There were a few gasps in the room and then everyone started talking among themselves at once, "People! People! Is it really that much of a shock? I'm pushing 75 years old! I have loved working with all of you for all these years, and that's why I've found the perfect replacement."

"Oh my god." Izzie whispered "Who do you think he picked?"

"God I hope it's not Shepherd." Meredith whispered "That would be the worst thing in the world."

"I know right." George chuckled.

"I have taken a lot of time to consider all the options, inside and outside of the hospital. And have decided to hire my replacement outside of the hospital, though I think there are a lot of wonderful doctors who would make a great chief! However this person will be no stranger to you all, I'm sure you all know her very well. Ellis?"

"Oh no." Meredith gasped.

"What Mer?" Izzie asked.

"Oh dear god."

"Everyone I'd like you to meet your new chief of surgery Dr. Ellis Grey." there were a few more gasps and the room filled with applause.

"Oh god, oh god." Meredith was gasping to herself while rubbing her temples "This isn't happening, Izzie tell me this isn't happening."

"Something tells me she wishes Shepherd were the chief of surgery now." George mumbles, Izzie slapped his shoulder and then turned her attention to Meredith.

"Mer, honey?" she asked "You're looking a little pale. Are you ok?"

"Yes. No. No, definitely not." she whispered.

She felt the room start to spin as she gasped for air that seemed to not enter her lungs. She turned to rush out of the room but it was too packed full of people. She turned back to Izzie looking panicked and feeling on the version of hyperventilating when she felt someone grab her hand tightly and pull her through a few people and through a doorway. The door shut and it was dark, she wondered if maybe she'd passed out but she heard noises, a lamp turned on…it was a closet. She was handed a paper bag and she placed it over her mouth and started to breathe as she slid down the wall to the floor. She closed her eyes and breathed into the bag until her breathing started to steady out and decided to finally look up and see who her savior was. She looked and saw the last person she thought she would see squatting down in front of her.

"You look terrible." he said in a low rough voice "I've seen coded patients with better color."

"You…you…you." she gasped and stuttered

"Keep the bag on." he said pushing her hand up "It'll help."

"Why are you doing this." she said in a muffled voice through the paper bag "You hate me."

He winced, looking almost wounded by the comment and gulped "I don't hate you." he mumbled.

"Then why are you so mean to me?" she asks incredulously "You seem to pick me out of the crowd to torture me."

"You just…you remind me of…" he sighs "Me." she stares at him shocked as he stands up and paces a little "And it makes me a little uncomfortable…I know you're going to be a great surgeon someday, and for some reason I feel like I need to shape you into just that… and cruelty is the only way I seem to know how to."

"It's not the only way." she mumbles, finally lowering the bag from her mouth. He sighs and squats down in front of her again. "How do I look?"

"You've got a little more color," He says with almost a hint of a smile "but how do you feel?"

"Like as soon as I walk out there my life will be over."

"You don't like your mother being chief of surgery at the hospital you're interning at anymore than I did."

"Your mother was a doctor?"

"No," he shook his head "my father was. And he was a hard as…like I am now."

"You don't sound happy about that fact."

"I'm not." he muttered "But I don't know anything else to be. I don't… I don't know how to act around you."

"Why am I any different than anyone else?" she asked. He stared at her blankly, almost studying her or searching for something to say.

"I don't know." he said

"Need some tips?"

"I thought I was your teacher."

"Sometimes the teacher needs teaching too." she smiled. He let out a sigh and glanced at the closed door.

"I think everyone's gone now." he mumbled and cracked the door open, he saw an empty room and then flung the door open. He looked down to see her staring blankly at the room outside the door, as if it were a whole new world, unknown to her.. "You have to go out there."

"I know." she mumbled.

"You have to take the first step."

She looked up at him and nodded, gulped and them stumbled a little as she got up. Then took a deep breath and stepped out of the closet.

"Thanks." she mumbled before stumbling off and out the room.

He felt a small smile on his lips, he started to walk out of the room when he saw something on the floor in the closet. He reached down and picked up the small black phone, he turned to call after her but she was long gone, so he told himself he would give it to her later and stuffed it in his pocket. He left the conference room and turned down a side hallway and took his phone out of the other pocket and opened the IM.

_DASH109: Meg, you on?_

He sent the message and heard a ding in his pocket. He frowned and reached in the other pocket reluctantly but curiously and pulled the unfamiliar black phone out and looked at the IM screen, displaying the message that he'd just sent out to his favorite talk buddy…someone he couldn't stop thinking about, someone he secretly wanted something more than just online chats with…all on Meredith Grey's phone. He felt the blood in his face drain as he stared aimlessly at it.

"No."


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith hurried to catch up with her resident and fellow interns and found them finally all crammed in a patients room who was set of general surgery that afternoon. She slipped in the room and immediately wished she hadn't when a pair of cold blue eyes focused on her.

"Can I help you with something?" she asked.

"I um...I" she stuttered.

"I don't accept tardiness, you know that. You can leave now."

"But." she frowned

"No excuses, leave now!" she muttered.

"Um, Dr. Grey." Bailey mumbled "This is where she's supposed to be with all due respect."

"Not at the moment." Ellis growled "She's a child and I don't want her in here. And she needs to learn to be on time or she'll miss out. Get out now!"

Meredith gulped and stiffened up as she shifted a little and then backed out of the room. She felt her face burn with frustration and embarrassment and scuffled quickly down the hall as she felt her breathing stifle she reached for her phone but found her pocket empty. She gasped as she dug in the other pocket and felt her stomach sink when she found that one empty too. She felt tears burning her eyes, her horrible day was getting worse by the second and all she wanted was the one true friend she had in the world to talk to.

She felt her breath catch in her throat and in fear of embarrassing herself further she ran down the hall and into the locker room, she pressed her hands against the sink as the first few tears started to fall. She focused on her breathing and sniffled as she fought against the sobs. Finally the tears stopped coming and her breathing returned to normal. She splashed water on her face and cleared her throat. She dried her face off and turned around, startled to see someone standing next to the lockers watching her.

"I really don't need any insults at the moment." she narrowed her eyes "I've had about all I can take for the day and it's not even lunch time. You don't owe me anything but could you please save them for tomorrow."

"I wasn't going to insult you Meredith." she said "I was…"

"You were what? Going to tell me I'm stupid for getting all upset, you were going to add to my embarrassment."

"Wow you are really having a bad day." Cristina scoffed. Meredith glared at her "Look I was just going to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Meredith asked, her eyes tightening.

"What your mom did in there was just…." she sighed "wrong. And I see now that you don't have anything easy. So yeah, I'm sorry."

"Well thanks but I don't need your sympathy." Meredith muttered as she pulled her lab coat on.

"I wasn't giving it." Cristina scowled. "I also came in here to tell you Bailey wants you covering the PIT today."

"Oh joy."

"Hey, it's better than nothing." Cristina raised her brow "At least you get to put people back together."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she pushed her way out of the room and headed down the hall, mumbling to herself "but who is going to put me back together."

Meredith got down to the pit and it was dull and lifeless, mostly just people in for stitches due to their clumsy behavior. At least it was steady, she didn't bother taking a lunch. She was afraid to go anywhere in the hospital, fearing that she'd have another run in with their new chief of surgery. At least she knew where she wasn't. And that's where she intended to stay.

"Curtain three needs you next." the ER nurse said as Meredith removed her gloves from her last patient.

"What do they need?"

"I'm not the freaking doctor." she snubbed "That's your job remember?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and sighed as she walked over to curtain three and pulled it back. Her eyes bulged a little when she saw George sitting on the bed eating a salad.

"George!" she gasped "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Bringing you lunch." he said holding up a sandwich "Surprise."

Meredith sighed, he reached over and patted the spot on the bed next to him, she pulled the curtain back behind her and hopped up on the bed and took a bite of the sandwich he offered her.

"Thanks." she said with a mouthful.

"Brutal day huh?" George asked after taking another bite of lettuce.

"That's putting it lightly."

"Your mother is a nightmare."

"I know." Meredith groaned.

"She had pretty much all the residents near tears, and most of the Attendings too…I think Shepherd was the only one she was somewhat nice to."

"Probably because they act similarly with a cold outlook on life." Meredith muttered as she took another bite of sandwich, the she remembered the conversation she had with him in the closet "Or maybe not."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's just a façade," she says staring at her half eaten sandwich "Maybe underneath all those anger lines he's a nice guy underneath, just the nice guy doesn't know how to get out."

"Maybe." George shrugs "Are you categorizing your mother the same?"

"Hell no." Meredith mumbles with another mouthful "She's a cold hearted bitch to the core, there's no hope for her."

They both laugh heartily when the curtain flies open and they both gasp and look up wide eyed to see a hard irritated face staring down at them.

"When you're done with social hour I could use some assistance in trauma bay one Dr. O'Malley." he barked out and glanced at Meredith "You can keep doing what you do best Grey, sit on your ass."

Meredith flinched a little as she watched him walk away. George hopped off the table with a sigh and shook his head.

"Just a façade huh?" he mumbled before walking out.

"Shut up."


	10. Chapter 10

Derek went home that evening, his mind in disarray to say the least. He welcomed the sweet amber liquid and let it burn as it slid down his throat. He went back to his bedroom as usual and closed his eyes as he laid down on the bed. He couldn't believe that this woman, the woman who'd somehow started to soften him, or perhaps the woman he'd started to fall for… was none other than Meredith Grey. He heard noises coming from his laptop and glanced over to the flashing box on the screen, full of messages from her. He couldn't stop himself from reading them

_MEG216: Dash, I just got your message. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, somehow I lost my phone.  
>MEG216: Dash, you there?<br>MEG216: Well if you've had a day anything like I just had I'm sure you're in your happy place.  
>MEG216: I guess I'll try to catch you later then…hope all is well with you<em>

Derek felt a little pang in his gut as he closed his laptop. Unsure of what his next move would be. He couldn't bring himself to send her a message, he didn't know if he should keep talking to her. In fact, he knew that he shouldn't continue talking to her. It was wrong, despite the fact that she still had no idea who he was, keeping up an online romance with an intern was against the rules. Having a romance with anyone whatsoever was against his own rules. Her mother was now chief of surgery and a hard ass just like his father was, if she saw anything going on between them Meredith's life would be over. He felt his eyes mist, whether from emotion or the alcohol he didn't know. All he knew was that it was over, sadly, it had to be over.

* * *

><p>"Ready for another day in hell?" Izzie asked a few days later in the locker room.<p>

"You guys are in hell." Meredith muttered "I'm drowning in the lake of fire."

"It won't be like this forever Mer." Izzie giggled "Once we all prove ourselves they'll let up."

"Wanna bet?" Meredith raised her brow. "My mother's tortured me my entire life, and Shepherd's on a warpath with me for what reason I have no idea, and then I haven't heard from…" she stopped short and looked at Izzie wide eyed like she didn't mean to add the last part.

"You haven't heard from who?" she asked.

"No one." she shook her head.

"Oh your cyber boyfriend?"

"Shut up." She glared

"Why would you care Mer?" Izzie rolled her eyes "It's just someone online. There's plenty of fish in that pond."

"It's just." she sighed as she sat on the bench to tie her shoes "I felt like I finally found someone who really understood me. Someone that I could talk to and not worry about what I said, I could speak with complete honesty."

"Must be nice." she sympathized.

"Well it doesn't matter anymore." Meredith shrugged "I haven't heard from him in almost three days. And I guess I'm not a person who gets breaks."

"Don't worry, you'll be too busy to talk to anyone soon enough."

"That's true." she sighed "Hopefully I'll figure out where my phone went though."

"You lost your phone?"

"Yeah, the day of that conference."

"Why don't you just order a new one?"

"My old one has all my stuff in it, and I liked it. It was a good phone."

"Phones are phones though." Izzie shrugged. "Come on, let's go get rounds done before Bailey gets here. Maybe she'll actually be impressed today."

"That's unlikely."

Somehow the two beat most of the interns to the charts and started making rounds on Dr. Bailey's patients, hoping to get in her good graces. Meredith knew better but found it entertaining how hard Izzie worked at trying to impress people.

"Did you do your half already?" Izzie asked surprised.

"Yeah," Meredith frowned "You're not?"

"Crap, no!" Izzie grumbled.

"Well how many more do you have?"

"Three."

"Hurry through them, and don't ramble at the patient, just get in and get out." Meredith smirked, knowing how much of a blabber mouth Izzie could be "Bosses don't like rambling apparently."

"Right, ok." Izzie nodded.

"I'll meet you at the nurses station." Meredith giggled.

Izzie nodded and hurried off to the next patient's room. She walked over to the nurses station and opened a chart and made the notes she needed to make in it, she was scribbling away when she saw someone place a tall cup of coffee in front of her. She stared at it in disbelief for a few seconds before reluctantly lifting her eyes to the person next to her, he had to blink a few times to believe it herself, his hard wrinkled face showed no anger, something else that surprised her. She looked at the coffee and back at him again with curiosity.

"It's just coffee." he said

"Um, ok." she mumbled, his lips pulled up into an actual smile, she frowned "You know your mood swings are giving me whiplash."

"Sorry." his smile dropped.

"I just can't ever figure out if you want to hate me or not."

"Apparently I have a lot to learn when it comes to you." he mumbles, her eyes tightened in thought "I mean when it comes to social etiquette, and I thought perhaps I'd take you up in your offer."

"You mean you're actually going to be sociable with me?"

"Perhaps a little better than that." he sighed "I'm an ass, and I know that. I need someone to tell me when I'm crossing the line, and since you know how to do that effectively."

"You want me to tell you when you're being an ass."

"Yes."

"Are you going to be nice to me?"

"Yes." he mumbled "But not when your mother is around."

"I would really hope not." she sighed "She seems to crank it up a notch if she sees other people giving me a little slack. It's like she has to fill some kind of void."

"I know," he smiled lightly "I know how they work."

"You know this might actually work, we might make a good team."

"If you would call it that." he said "Oh here, by the way."

She watched as he fished a small black object out of his pocket, she recognized it immediately and gasped.

"Oh god!" she mumbled and grabbed it out of his hand "Where did you find it?"

"I saw it lying on the floor." he replied, "I didn't mean to snoop but I wanted to figure out who's it was."

"Oh." she blushed "Well thank, I've been missing it."

"Not a problem." he nodded. He saw Izzie coming down the hall and stammered a little before turning and leaving without a word. Meredith frowned.

"So what ass reaming did he give you this time?" Izzie asked as she set the charts down on the nurses station desk.

"None actually." Meredith said blankly.

"Really?"

"Really," Meredith frowned, "I think maybe he puts on a tough face for everyone but underneath he's a real person…well, underneath all the social dysfunction."

"Huh." Izzie frowned. "Oh you found your phone!"

"Yeah." Meredith broke her previous concentration and looked at the object in hand "I found it."

"So we should probably get back to the locker room before Bailey arrives."

"Yeah we should."

* * *

><p>Derek watched her walk off from down the hall. He did his best to forget about her, forget what a friend he'd found in MEG216. And finally he came to realize that they were both kind of different people under the mask of their screen names, and yes they both needed a friend more than anything in the world. So what the hell…<p>

_DASH109: Meg…I'm sorry that I've been away. Personal issues…can you forgive me?  
>MEG216: Yes of course! I was a little worried, are you alright?<br>DASH109:I'm great now, I feel relieved to be talking to you again.  
>MEG216: I do too Dash, glad you're ok.<br>DASH109: How are you? Are things at work going better?  
>MEG216: Not at all actually…though I think I've had a breakthrough with my boss.<br>DASH109: How so?  
>MEG216: I think under his sour attitude he portrays to everyone else, I think I see a real person underneath.<br>DASH109: Sometimes the world gets the better of us and we need something, or someone to wake us up.  
>MEG216: Yeah.<br>DASH109: How are other things?  
>MEG216: Horrible. My wonderful mother just became my boss… actually worse than that.. She's my boss's boss. The ultimate boss of the company. I guess you could consider her a CEO of your company, whatever that is.<br>DASH109: I am getting the picture. I'm sure she's not taking it easy on you.  
>MEG216: Not at all. She's making my life hell…and I was already there. I've been seriously contemplating jumping off a ferry-boat and sinking to the bottom of Elliot bay, death sounds really good right now.<br>DASH109: You like ferry boats huh?  
>MEG216: How in the world did you gain that from what I just said?<br>DASH109: People usually do something they enjoy right before they off themselves.  
>MEG216: You're an expert on suicide?<br>DASH109: LOL, no. It's just a statistic.  
>MEG216: I see.<br>DASH109: I have a thing for ferry boats.  
>MEG216: I know the perfect spot to watch them….I would show you but that would require us meeting.<br>DASH109: Yes it would.  
>MEG216: A part of me is entertaining that thought…but I don't think I'd be ready to plunge into that kind of insanity.<br>DASH109: Perhaps later then._


	11. Chapter 11

"So who gave you the coffee Mer?" George asked in the locker room.

"Dr. Shepherd did." Izzie giggled before Meredith could think up a proper response, she glared at Izzie.

"No, really." George laughed "Who did?"

"Shepherd really did George." Izzie teased "If I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it myself."

"Seriously." George looked baffled.

"Looks like your online boyfriend has some competition."

"Don't be absurd." Meredith muttered "I'm not dating either of them, and I have no idea why Shepherd even brought me the coffee, I'm as dumbfounded as you are."

"Maybe he was thanking you for calling him an asshole." George said.

"Maybe." she shrugged "I have no clue."

"Well there's got to be some reason." Izzie speculated.

"Maybe they just screwed up his coffee at the coffee cart, and he needed someone to pawn the crappy one off to."

"Or maybe Shepherd has the hots for you and wants to give you a hot wet drink in order to get you to return the feeling." George teased.

"You're sick." Meredith hissed. George and Izzie burst into laughter and the doors burst open.

"Which one of y'all Nimrods did my morning pre-rounds this morning?" Bailey called out. Izzie and Meredith reluctantly raised their hands, "Nicely done, I need an intern in my OR this afternoon…Grey?"

"Um, Dr. Bailey." Meredith gulped "I'd love to but Izzie was the one who had the idea, I was just here to help her."

"Giving up your first OR opportunity to your fellow intern? How polite." she glared "Stupid! But polite… Stevens I'll see you at two, everyone else come with me."

"Over achieving bitches." George grumbled as everyone filed out of the locker room.

Meredith giggled a little and followed everyone out of the room. Bailey led them down the stairs and into the ER, down the hall and the four of them filed into the trauma bay where Dr. Shepherd sat at the head of a patient laying on the bed in a neck brace and waving his hands in front of his face.

"I can't see." he mumbled to himself.

"What happened?" George stuttered.

"Guy fell down two flights of stairs holding a nail gun, took nine into his head." a nurse filled their awe stuck minds in.

"And he's alive!" Cristina gasped.

"And a human two-by-four." George mumbled sarcastically.

"Is that your professional assessment Dr. O'Malley!" Derek snapped, his face turning stone cold.

"Uh, no sir. Sorry sir." George stuttered.

"What should be our next course of action, what would you suggest?"

"A CT."

"CT is down." Bailey mumbled.

"MRI then." George nodded.

"Brilliant!" Derek yelled "His head is full of metal let's put him in a giant magnet!" George shifted a little uncomfortably and Derek glanced over and caught Meredith's wide eyes, she subtly shook her head and made a 'tone it down' hand gesture, Derek cleared his throat and calmed himself "I mean um.. Dr. O'Malley, that wouldn't be the best idea, have you another suggestion?"

"Umm." George frowned "X-ray."

"That will do for now, until CT gets up and running again."

"Let's get him to X-ray then." Bailey mumbled, "O'Malley."

"Right." George nodded.

George followed the nurses out of the room as they wheeled the patient towards radiology, Bailey walked out of the room and Cristina and Izzie followed her, Meredith was the last out of the room but felt a tug on her arm and turned to see Derek there with wide, anxious eyes.

"How was that, was it ok?"

"I guess," she sighed

"It wasn't?"

"You can't bite everyone's head off because they get an answer wrong." she said "And you can't be too nice, we're not kids. We can handle the truth, but you don't have to hit us over the head with it."

"Right, ok." he nodded.

"But your recovery was nice," she said with a hint of smile "It was human."

"Human." he nodded. He started to smile then caught something out of the corner of his eye and his deep anger lines in his face returned. "Dr. Grey! If you think for one second, actually if you HAD thought for one second about that then you would see that the answer is so blatantly obvious! If you expect to make it through this program even trailing in at last place you better start opening your eyes and looking at what's in front of you!"

Meredith stared at him in shock after his angry outburst, part of her wanting to cower into the crack in the door, wondering how he could possibly be a living breathing Jekyll and Hyde but then she heard a soft sigh of satisfaction and realized exactly why he'd just laid into her for no reason.

"Keeping our interns on their toes?" she asked

"Too many of them need it Dr. Grey." Derek muttered "I don't know where they got them all this year but something has to be done about our screening process!"

"I agree," she smirked "This one I think is just too much like her father, there's only so much you can teach them."

"Excuse me." Meredith mumbled.

"Go do something useful." Ellis scoffed before prancing off. "Well done Dr. Shepherd."

Meredith just shook her head in disbelief as she watched Ellis's back disappear down the hallway and turned her eyes on Derek who was waiting for a clear coast as well.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You have no idea."

"You're right." she hissed "I don't!"

"Meredith, please." he begged "Don't be mad at me, I know what it's like. And if it's any consolation, I didn't mean any of it."

"But you've been saying that kind of shit since the first day."

"I know.." he sighed "but it was only because I saw all your potential. And I'm afraid of you, and like I said, I don't know how to act around you."

"Yet you know how to act around my mother?" she frowned.

"Um.. Well.. Yes." he sighed "And thanks for your help in there too by the way."

"Huh." she creased her brow in thought. "You know maybe we could use pointers from each other."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" she pressed her lips together and stared at him "I mean that you need help knowing how to teach without becoming your father."

"Yeah."

"Well I need help understanding my mother, or more importantly knowing how to actually impress her."

"I don't know Meredith." he shook his head

"Just give me some pointers."

Derek's eyes tightened as he reviewed it mentally and then let out a defeated sigh "Alright."

"Really?" she gasped in surprise.

"Meet me on the seventh floor at lunch time."

"But the seventh floor is closed for construction."

"Well," he said almost smiling "Do you want your mother catching us?"

"No." she frowned.

"Then I'll meet you on the seventh floor at lunch." he said with a flash of a crooked smile before jogging off.

"Ok," she said feeling a small twitch of her lips "See ya."


	12. Chapter 12

"So getting drunk in a roomful of sweaty men is your idea of a prize?"

"First place is first place babe." he smiled as he watched her finish stitching up a gash in his abdomen "It's all in the recognition of being number one, you know what I mean?"

"Actually," she smiled "I find it pretty exciting just being able to compete."

"But imagine the adrenaline rush you'll feel when you win, when you beat out all the others."

"I'll have to take your word for it." she giggled "Are you sure you won't let me do a CT? It'll only take an hour, and I think it's necessary."

"No time, gotta get back out there." he said standing up.

"Then you'll need to sign an AMA form." she sighed and grabbed a clipboard and handed it to him.

"I'll do whatever you ask me to love." he winked, she felt flattered at the flirtation but rolled her eyes. He scribbled something on the board and handed to her.

"Then do a CT."

"Just not that." he said.

"Well then I wish you good luck." she mumbled with a sigh. He grinned and as she took the clipboard he pulled her into him and crushed his lips against hers, she gasped and threw her hands up to prove it was an involuntary kiss. He stepped away with a wider grin "What the hell was that for?"

"Good luck." he chuckled and made his way for the door.

"For your sake I hope it works!" she yelled after him. She felt a smirk on her lips as she sighed and turned to clean up the suture mess, she glanced up and saw someone standing there with crossed arms giving her an incredulous stare "What."

"I certainly hope that's not the way you and Izzie are getting ahead." he grumbled and sat down on the bed "As delicious as it sounds, I don't think that it would fly for me."

"George." she giggled "If you saw it all you would know that I had no part in that, he kissed me."

"And this morning with the pre-rounds and coffee from the attending who hates everyone?"

"He doesn't hate everyone." she scowled "And I hope you're not suggesting what I think you are."

"I just don't get why he goes from biting my head off one second and looks at you then suddenly he's human again."

"Maybe he just realized he was being too hard on you."

"And you have nothing to do with that?"

"George shouldn't you be worried about the case you have under him?" she said changing the subject.

"Running labs and tests is hardly a case," George muttered "Shepherd isn't know to let just anyone who helps him in on a surgery, you of all people know that."

"Maybe if you suggest something important he would."

"Like what?"

"Tell him you think he might have a tumor."

"I doubt he does."

"Something made him fall George," Meredith pointed out "Something made him pass out and fall down the stairs. He's what? Thirty something, healthy thirty year old men don't just fall down the stairs and fill their cranium with nine inch nails."

"Ok, you have a point." George said narrowly. "But why aren't you telling Shepherd this?"

"Because you're on the case, I'm not."

"You could easily be on the case with that kind of information."

"You should do it George."

"What was with your thing with Izzie this morning? Why did you tell Bailey to let her do the surgery."

"Pre-rounds was Izzie's idea, it was only right for her to do the surgery."

"Then why would you expect me to do that to you?" he asked. Meredith stared at him incredulously "You know Meredith I get that you have it harder than the rest of us here, but you can't give up just because you do. You're smart, and anyone who's ego hasn't clouded their eyesight can see that. But if you keep this up you're only going to be crippling yourself." he hopped off the table and sighed "Tell Shepherd yourself."

She stood there stunned by George's honest words a few moments after he'd already left. She finally walked out of the room and went to the nurses station, the charts were all done for the moment and she realized then that it was lunchtime. She felt a jump in her stomach as she turned and climbed the stairs. She finally got to the seventh floor and walked into the dark hallway and walked through plastic sheets and followed her nose to a room with lots of windows. He was standing in the middle next to a stool with a flat box on it, munching on something.

"Smells good in here." she said, he turned to her when he heard her voice "Reminds me that I forgot my lunch."

"I assumed you would." he said "That's why I ordered plenty."

"Pizza." she smiled and reached for a piece "My favorite."

"I know." he mumbled, her eyes snapped up at him and he instantly regretted saying it.

"How could you know that?"

"Just a hunch." he recovered "You're fresh out of college, it makes sense."

"Ok." she nodded, her eyes relaxing, she took a bite "so what's your first set of advice for me."

"Take her crap, but don't take her crap."

"That makes absolutely no sense." she frowned.

"What I mean is, she's your boss, she's everyone's boss. We all have to take her crap, but don't let her walk all over you either, that was one mistake I made."

"What exactly is letting her walk all over me?"

"She wants to be professional, she wants to be your boss and get at you that way. Badger the intern. But when she brings personal into the picture it's crossing the line. Like this morning, when she mentioned that you were too much like your father.."

"Yeah, that was a low blow." she mumbled "What should I do?"

"Tell her if she doesn't have any professional constructive criticism that she can take the rest up with you after hours."

"That'll fly well."

"Sometimes, and choose your moment well, you have to give them crap back." he says "but you need to let them teach too, you can't expect them to sugar coat everything."

"Right, no sugar coating." she nodded "You know, when you're not barking down my throat, you're a pretty nice guy."

"Well what are friends for." he mumbled into another bite of pizza.

"Friends?"

"I mean um.." he stuttered "Well I figured that maybe we could both use a friend…don't you wish sometimes that you had someone to talk to about stuff you can't tell other people."

"I have someone I can talk to like that." she said before she could stop herself.

"Who?" he asked intuitively

"It's um." she blushed "It's none of your business."

"What?" he almost laughed "What's wrong with knowing who it is?"

"It's just everyone thinks it's stupid and gives me crap about it."

"I already give you crap, why not?"

She stared at him incredulously and sighed "It's someone I met online, I've never seen him in person or anything. But he's someone I can talk to honestly and not have to worry, it's like he understands me better than anyone else."

Derek started to chuckle a little and then cleared his throat "You're serious?"

"See!" she hissed "I knew I shouldn't have told you!"

"I'm sorry." he mumbled "I just thought you were joking, usually the scary online stalker stories have gotten to people by now."

"Well not me, I don't see him as being a stalker."

"Are you sure it's a he? What if it's a five hundred pound woman who never leaves her bed and gets a kick out of tricking you."

"Now you're making fun of me."

"No, I'm concerned, friends can be concerned right?" he asked "What is the screen name?"

"I am not giving you his screen name!" she gasped "You'll be _his_ creepy stalker."

"I promise you that I would not, nor _could_ I stalk him." he said then mumbled "I'm not very savvy with netiquette."

She glared at him for a moment and finally caved for a reason she wasn't aware of.

"Dash 1-0-9." she confessed.

"How suave." he said raising his brow "He sounds dashing…or maybe he's not and since no one can really see him, he makes himself sound that way."

"Only you would be that egotistical." she rolled her eyes "Maybe it's his initials."

She looked away and missed his facial expression fall into shock, he recovered before she looked back at him.

"What's with the 1-0-9?" he asked "His address? The last three digits in his social security number?"

"Probably his birthday." she said shaking her head, he feigned a frowned and shook his own head.

"Oh I know!" he smirked "Maybe he has a hundred and nine zits on his back that he'll have you pop after he takes you prisoner."

"You're disgusting!" she giggled. The tickle that her giggle had in his ears made him break out into his own chuckle, her eyes sparkled a little and her giggle died "See why can't you be that person outside of this room?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"That fun, joking, laughing kind of guy. Why can't you be him with everyone else?"

"I told you, I don't know how."

"Obviously you do to some degree." she rolled her eyes "Maybe you need to relax a little."

"Maybe."

"Oh, by the way. I think Jorge has a tumor." she mumbled "I told George to tell you but he told me to so, here I am.. Telling you."

"Do you do that a lot?" he asked.

"What?"

"Ramble on and on like that?"

"Sometimes." she frowned.

"It's cute." he smiled "But I would keep it at a minimum around your mother, bosses tend not to like ramblers."

Meredith creased her brow and tightened her eyes as she recalled the familiarity and deja vu feeling at the phrase, just then Derek's pager went off and broke her out of her thoughts.

"I have to go." he said after glancing at it "But thanks for the advice. And after I remove the nails, I'll order a CT to check for a tumor."

She nodded "Thanks for your advice too."

"Keep your chin up." he smiled before jogging out of the room. She stared after him, his eerily familiar words still rang in her head.

"No." she giggled to herself and shook her head in disbelief "No way."


	13. Chapter 13

_DASH109: I bet you're pretty.  
>MEG216: Pretty? LOL I wouldn't know, I don't really pay much attention to myself that way these days.<br>DASH109: Well you have a very pretty personality.  
>MEG216: Thanks Dash, what's with all the sweet talk?<br>DASH109: I just thought I'd say what was on my mind.  
>MEG216: If only we all could do that.<br>DASH109: Still having problems at work?  
>MEG216: I think I hold my tongue when I shouldn't but blurt when I should hold it in.<br>DASH109: Did you say something wrong to your boss again?  
>MEG216: Nothing that came off the wrong way, I just wish I could tell my mom off the same way and live to tell the story.<br>DASH109: Oh, I see. Well maybe the right time will come someday.  
>MEG216: Hopefully that someday will be soon, I'm tired of dodging behind corners and having lunch in construction zones.<br>DASH109: Why are you having lunch in construction zones? Are you dating an iron worker?  
>MEG216: God no! LOL I have no time to date anyone, I was meeting my boss.<br>DASH109: Should I be jealous?  
>MEG216: Would you be jealous?<br>DASH109: I don't know…maybe.  
>MEG216: Maybe?<br>DASH109: Well, since I'm speaking honestly Meg, I seem to have grown an attachment for you.  
>MEG216: Dash….are you trying to say that you have a crush on me? LOL<br>DASH109: LOL silly isn't it?  
>MEG216: It's cute, really. I'm blushing.<br>DASH109: I bet you're cute.  
>MEG216: Cute isn't something I'd classify myself as…little and scrawny yes, cute? Not really.<br>DASH109: So you're little then?  
>MEG216: Were you thinking I wasn't? You seem worried.<br>DASH109: Not really, no. But everyone has that underlying fear that the person they're developing feelings for but haven't met is some psycho who isn't who they're portraying.  
>MEG216: I know what you mean, and I have to say there have been instances I've felt the same fear.<br>DASH109: Rest assured for the most part, I am who I say I am.  
>MEG216: So you don't have a hundred and nine multiple personalities that I need to worry about?<br>DASH109: Multiple personalities? LOL, Meg where do you get this stuff?  
>MEG216: I'm sorry, it's my boss. We talked a little and the topic of you came up, and now he has me paranoid.<br>DASH109: Sounds like a real idiot, you should be careful, he might have ulterior motives.  
>MEG216: Doubt it, he is nice and all but…<br>DASH109: But what?  
>MEG216: But, for one he's my boss. And two, I have feelings for someone else.<br>DASH109: Oh I see! Would it be too egotistical of me to assume that other person is me?  
>MEG216: Maybe…maybe not.<br>DASH109: J  
>MEG216: But seriously what does your screen name mean?<br>DASH109: I'll explain it out thoroughly when we meet.  
>MEG216: GULP…<br>DASH109: LOL changing the subject now…  
>MEG216: Thanks!<br>DASH109: Tell me something interesting that happened today.  
>MEG216: We had a bike race today, lots of bloody patients, Christina was happy.<br>DASH109: Christina? Patients?  
>MEG216: Crap…too much information.<br>DASH109: I'm erasing it from memory.  
>MEG216: Oh what the hell…she's a co-worker of mine, I work in the medical field, and she likes having lots of work to do basically..<br>DASH109: Interesting…  
>MEG216: I was helping the last of them, cocky little bloke. And he hopped up and kissed me for good luck.<br>DASH109: I bet it was a very lucky kiss, I'm a little jealous.  
>MEG216: LOL don't be, it wasn't anything special and very unwanted. But George saw it.<br>DASH109: Another co-worker?  
>MEG216: Yes…so he got the wrong idea of course.<br>DASH109: That you're being inappropriate with patients?  
>MEG216: Well also that I'm getting ahead by other means.<br>DASH109: You're kidding…I thought you weren't getting ahead?  
>MEG216: Well, I am but I'm not.<br>DASH109: Please feel free to fill in the blanks.  
>MEG216: I've been helping my other colleagues get ahead of the game.<br>DASH109: Why? What about you?  
>MEG216: That's what George said, and I do because I guess I feel with my mom here and most of the place still hating me that I haven't really got a shot at glory but maybe helping others get theirs will make me feel like I'm doing something important.<br>DASH109: Meg…  
>MEG216: I know what you're going to say, and George told me that I should tell my boss what I think is wrong with a patient. He said that I can't give up because the chances are slim.<br>DASH109: He's right, you have to fight and prove to everyone that you're just as good. If you always stand in the sidelines you'll get too comfortable and you'll never get to shine.  
>MEG216: Maybe I don't want to shine.<br>DASH109: Well wanting to or not. If you should be getting the credit and are doing the work, then you deserve to shine Mer.  
>MEG216: Mer?<br>DASH109: Oh sorry, typo.  
>MEG216: Oh ok….<br>MEG216: So I told my boss what I thought and he said he would check when he had the time, whether he will or not I have no idea.  
>DASH109: He might, give him a little credit.<br>MEG216: Weren't you just calling him an idiot?  
>DASH109: I suppose us idiots need a little slack every now and then.<br>MEG216: I suppose so.  
>DASH109: Care for my two cents?<br>MEG216: I always want your two cents….and then some.  
>DASH109: I think you need to give yourself a little more credit, you're a smart girl. Don't let people higher up make you think differently.<br>MEG216: I know, I know what you're saying. But some days I wonder…why even try?  
>DASH109: You're not a quitter.<br>MEG216: How do you know that? I could be a big quitter, I could be a total loser, I could be eighty years old for all you know.  
>DASH109: You're very good with the computer for an eighty year old.<br>MEG216: Ok maybe I'm not but still..  
>DASH109: I have faith in you Meg, I really wish you would too.<br>MEG216: You hold me on a pedestal, I don't deserve your encouragement.  
>DASH109: I bet you deserve a lot more than you think you do.<br>MEG216: Does anyone ever? Do you?  
>DASH109: I don't believe I do no.<br>MEG216: Well I think you do, I think you're a very charming and great individual and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.  
>DASH109: Meg, do you have a crush on me?<br>MEG216: And the ego strikes again…  
>DASH109: I'm just asking a question, the ego is put away in the closet.<br>MEG216: Well a crush sounds a little juvenile but perhaps you could call it that..  
>DASH109: Meg….I have a crush on you too.<em>


	14. Chapter 14

"You're glowing." George said when he walked up to Meredith in the ER and nudged her, she rolled her eyes "Another coffee date with the attending you've somehow gotten to catch your eye?"

"No coffee." Meredith mumbled "Just no mommy yet."

"Ah," George smirked "but the day is still young."

"Asshole."

"Yes," he smiled "Yes I am….did you tell Shepherd your theory?"

"Yes actually I did."

"What did he say?"

"He said the nails in his head were more important at the moment."

"So today is a new day, bring it up again."

"Thanks but I'm pretty happy in my little ER bubble."

"Why?" George frowned "No one likes the ER. It's boring."

"The ER is where my mother is not, I like the ER." she pointed out, she then noticed someone stumble in and frowned "What is Viper doing here?"

"I don't know." George shrugged "Maybe looking for another good luck kiss."

Meredith rolled her eyes and then they saw him collapse and start spitting up blood, they barely glanced at each other before rushing over to him. Meredith lifted his shirt and saw his incision distended and starting to separate. George got up and ran over to get a stretcher as Meredith put pressure on the wound. After they got him on the stretcher she climbed on top of him to hold his wound together as George and a couple of nurses wheeled him to the elevators.

"Damnit!" Meredith gasped as she saw blood gushing out of the wound "Move faster!"

"It's an elevator Mer." George mumbled.

"I don't give a shit!" she hissed

They got to the OR floor and a medical team was already gathering in OR 3. Meredith stayed perched on top of Viper to keep the blood flow to a minimum and to hold close his wound.

"Someone get her off my patient!" Meredith heard in a voice she'd been dreading to all day long. She hopped off as Ellis pulled the gauze off his abdomen "Stupid!"

"I know, he shouldn't have left yesterday."

"I mean you're stupid for letting him!" Ellis hissed.

"What could I do, he refused medical treatment!"

"Well then you're not very convincing are you!" she yelped "Get out of my OR I only need people who actually are a help in here!"

"But."

"Out!"

"Dr. Grey?" they heard and both looked to the door.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"I'm sorry I heard the commotion and thought I'd come see if I could help."

"It's nothing neurosurgical but thank you Dr. Shepherd." Ellis muttered "I'm cleaning up other's mistakes as usual."

"Perhaps it would be wise to let them clean up their own mistakes."

Meredith and Ellis bother glanced at him incredulously.

"Are you suggesting that I let her scrub in and do the surgery!" she muttered "He's already halfway dead thanks to her, she'll definitely finish him off if I allow that."

"I agree it's a risk, I just feel strongly about lessons and consequences."

"I see your point Dr. Shepherd. But I have a patient who's bleeding out and I don't have time. You can help by getting Dr. Meredith Grey out of this OR."

Derek nodded, but didn't need to take a step before Meredith stormed out the door, bumping past him and walking out into the hallway. She turned a corner and leaned against the wall and sighed. She felt someone walk up and lean against the wall beside her but was too angry to look up.

"I'm sorry." she heard him say

"You did what you needed to do." she mumbled "Thanks for somewhat sticking up for me though."

"Did I do ok in there?" he asked "You don't think I was too nice to you?"

"No." she shook her head "But it might not hurt to yell at me next time she sees is in the same general area."

"I'll think of something." he said. They both got quiet for a few moments and she let out a sigh.

"Dr. Shepherd?" she said finally.

"Call me Derek when we're like this." he replied.

"Derek, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"What happened to you? What made you take a turn for the worse?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were married before, so you had to have been a nice guy at some point. What made you turn into the robotic sour person that doesn't like anyone?"

"I like you." he said, her eyes turn up startled "I mean, you know.. As a friend."

"Right."

"I don't know," he sighed "I guess it was with my divorce, my dad dying. I just quit trying."

"I know what that's like." she mumbled "What happened to your wife?"

"Well," he mumbled "she was my college sweetheart, she was perfect, someone I thought was the love of my life. We were together for ages, forever it seemed. And then it came time to have a baby, and she didn't want to."

"And you did?"

"Yeah," he sighed "I guess I did."

"I always wondered what it would be like to have a parent that wanted me." she mumbled, he looked at her remorsefully.

"Well she didn't. And she decided to let me go, saying that we wanted different things."

"You didn't try to make it work?"

"I tried to stop her, but she wanted to go." he said "And then two months later she married a naval officer…they had a baby last spring." Meredith looked at him wearing a similar remorse in her eyes "So I know what it's like to not be wanted Meredith."

"I'm sorry about your wife."

"Ex-wife." he sighed "And let's talk about something else… how is Dash doing?"

"Dash?" her face instantly lit up at the mention of him "He's doing well I guess."

"You really like him." Derek teased.

"I guess, to a point."

"You look like that's a big point."

"Whatever." she rolled her eyes.

"Have you ever thought about meeting him?"

"Not really." she mumbled "I mean yeah, but it's kind of scary."

"I thought you were sure that he is who he said he is."

"I do." she sighed "but I guess I just don't know if I'm ready for that."

"For what?"

"For a relationship."

"Who said it would turn into a relationship?" he smirked "Maybe you'll meet him and say to yourself, what was I thinking!"

"I doubt it." she rolled her eyes.

"Well do you expect him to just live in your computer forever?" he asked, she looked at him incredulously and frowned "Maybe you should just get it over with?"

"I guess you have a point, but I still don't know."

Derek's pager went off and he looked down at it, he sighed and looked at her.

"Thanks for the pep talk." she said.

"I'll see you around."

"See ya."

Minutes after Derek ran off she pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the IM screen.

_MEG216: Do you ever think about meeting?  
>DASH109: What do you mean?<br>MEG216: I mean have you ever thought about knowing each other face to face.  
>DASH109: I thought that you weren't ready for that.<br>MEG216: Part of me isn't, but the other part of me likes the thought of that.  
>DASH109: Assuming you like me after you meet me.<br>MEG216: You don't think I will? Have you not been honest with me?  
>DASH109: I have been completely honest with you of all people Meg. I have to say that with other people sometimes I seem like a different person. But who you've been getting to know on here is the true me.<br>MEG216: Then I guess I have no reason to not like you.  
>DASH109: You might want to run.<br>MEG216: I doubt it.  
>DASH109: Are you really ready for that?<br>MEG216: I'm thinking about jumping, just ripping off the bandage and doing it.  
>DASH109: You're not ready, and don't worry I can wait for you, you'll be worth it.<br>MEG216: Thank you Dash, I know you will be too._


	15. Chapter 15

"I can't believe you're finally eating lunch with us." Izzie said while stuffing a chip into her mouth.

"Well since operation avoid my mother failed epically I figured I should at least eat where I want to."

"Plus George was getting tired of bringing food to the ER." George said.

"I never asked you to do that George." Meredith scowled.

"No, but humanity did. You can't afford to go without a meal, you might fall through a storm drain or something." he said. Meredith glared at him, they heard a tray slam down against their table and looked up to see Cristina sliding into a seat, they all stared at her incredulously.

"What?" she snapped, as if she belonged there.

"Um, nothing." Izzie shook her head and looked away. Meredith shrugged and looked at her plate.

"You don't usually eat lunch with us." George said.

"Well maybe I want to today." Cristina retorted, they looked at her unconvinced "Ok, apparently I need some friends so I don't come off as an uptight bitch."

"But you are an uptight bitch." George mumbled.

"George!" Izzie gasped "Don't be discouraging."

"I'm being obvious."

"I don't really give a shit what rainbow boy thinks anyways." Cristina shrugs, George glared.

"You've been hounding around the cardio god lately." George said "Why not eat lunch with him, by the rumors going around you might as well be dating anyway."

"Seriously?" Izzie's eyes lit up "Are they true?"

"And this is why I don't have friends." Cristina mumbled "Too nosy."

"Cristina's right." Meredith said under her breath as she munched her salad "Everyone needs secrets." she suddenly heard silence around the table and looked up from her plate to see everyone staring at her "What?"

"What are you hiding?" Izzie giggled with a grin.

"Nothing!" Meredith stuttered "I'm not hiding anything.. Nothing to hide, no not here."

"Well that says it all." George smirked.

Meredith was saved by a loud shrieking beep coming from her side, she jumped out of her chair and looked at her beeper.

"Who is that?" Izzie asked.

"Probably Shepherd." George teased "Wanting her secret services."

"I have absolutely no control over who pages me!" Meredith hissed and sat back down to glare at them as she grabbed her lab coat. George's pager went off as well and he glanced at it.

"Looks like wants an audience."

"Ha!" Meredith spat.

"I'll race you." George smirked.

"George," Meredith rolled her eyes "I have no interest in immature games."

"Your loss." he shrugged.

"No." she grinned, then proceeded to shove him back into his chair, causing it to knock backward and sprawling him out all over the floor "It's yours!"

"Oh that was just…dirty." George grumbled as he picked himself off the floor and tried to catch up to her feeling figure. They giggled up the stairs as they played their little race and stopped once they got to radiology, trying to compose themselves before they got to CT. Meredith got in the room first and saw Derek sitting in a chair next to the radiologist, he looked up at them, showing no emotion.

"You paged us?" she asked, he nodded.

"What do you see?" he asked pointing to the screen. They both squinted.

"What is that?" George asked

"A tumor." Meredith gulped.

"Correct Dr. Grey." Derek said.

"Is that Jorge?" Meredith asked, glancing in the room.

"Yes," Derek nodded "You were right, he has a tumor."

"What does this mean?" George asked.

"This means that you two get to play rock paper scissors or whatever stupid mindless intern games you play to see who gets to go into surgery with me." Derek explained.

"Seriously?" they said simultaneously…

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Derek scowled. Meredith rolled her eyes and then heard George snicker.

"Crap." She said under her breath, remembering the competitive moment she had a few minutes ago that caused her to shove George to the ground. She turned to him with wide pleading eyes.

"No competition sir." George said with a sincere smile. "It was Meredith's idea, she should do the surgery."

"George," Meredith mumbled "You're the one on the case, you've been doing the work."

"All Dr. O'Malley has been doing is running labs Grey, so I'll see you in surgery." Derek mumbled, he got up and walked out the door, nodding to them both. Meredith sighed and stared at George.

"Why did you do that?"

"He was offering you a spot in the OR…how can you turn it down?"

"I don't know, I guess I don't feel worthy yet."

"Well start feeling worthy." George said as they walked off. "And maybe you'll get more than just OR time with him."

"Shut up."


	16. Chapter 16

_MEG216: Dash I'm freaking out.  
>DASH109: Why are you freaking out?<br>MEG216: Because…I'm about to take a huge step forward in my career.  
>DASH109: Congratulations! But why are you freaking out?<br>MEG216: Because…what if I screw up! I'm totally going to screw up.  
>DASH109: You're not going to screw up Meg.<br>MEG216: No but I'm going to be sick..  
>DASH109: Don't get sick.. Take deep breaths. Think about something else.<br>MEG216: I can't.. I have to stay focused, so that I don't screw up, which I am but at least I know I tried not to screw up before I screw up.  
>DASH109: Ok you really are freaking out, you're rambling. Tell me something random.<br>MEG216: I'm thinking about getting roommates.  
>DASH109: Roommates? Really.. Why?<br>MEG216: I have a huge house that I inherited from my grandparents before they died. And I'm never home, so I figured some roommates would be nice…for the house.  
>DASH109: Maybe, you just didn't strike me as the roommate kind of girl.<br>MEG216: I would be very picky.. Like no one I work with. I spend enough time with them already, I don't want to live with them.  
>DASH109: So you would never consider living with anyone you worked with?<br>MEG216: Definitely not.  
>DASH109: You know sometimes it's nice to live with people you work with, they understand you the most.<br>MEG216: Maybe you have a point….crap I gotta go, I'm really starting to freak out.  
><em>  
>Derek was rounding the corner heading towards the OR when he lost her and hurried up his pace, he burst into the scrub room to see her hunched over the sink looking about as pale and gray as it was.<p>

"Are you alright?" he asked "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I'm just…" she gulped "nervous."

"Nervous over what?" he chuckled lightly

"Surgery." she said "It's my first time. What if I screw up."

"You're not going to screw up." he scoffed "For one, you aren't performing the surgery, you'll be assisting and learning. And two, there's a reason you're here.. You earned it, you won't screw up."

"I know." she breathed heavily "I just.. I can't get a grip. I think I might need to go lay down."

Derek sighed and walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders and held onto them steadily as he stared into her wide frightened and beautiful eyes, just then noticing what a beautiful color green they held, like a tropical pool in the middle of an exotic island with a majestic waterfall causing soft ripples throughout it.

"Meredith." he breathed "You are smart, you are confident, and you are going to do this. Forget about everything else, just focus on the surgery, focus on the patient, focus on me. You won't screw up, you'll do excellently and you'll finally have something to be proud of, you'll finally have something to boast about."

"You're right." she whispered "You're right, it'll be ok."

They stood there for seconds that seemed like hours, staring into the depths of each other's eyes, feeling each other's breaths beating against their cheeks. Derek's hands seemed to feel form fitted to her tiny shoulders, as if the shape of them were made for his hands. He wondered if every contour of her tiny body were that way and a part of him craved to find that out.

"Meredith." he breathed in just above a whisper.

"What?" she whispered back. Unable to make herself break the stare, and noticing that his body seemed to be slowly leaning closer into hers.

"I haven't been this close to a woman in a long time." he confessed "I don't know…" he trailed off as he felt the craving of her skin against his and her scent causing an almost uncontrollable urge to fulfill that.

She saw it coming, and knew what would happen in a matter of seconds. A dark part of her mind toyed with the thought and entertained it well, she almost wanted to believe that she wanted it too but suddenly her mind was filled with the nervous surgery jitters and Dash's comforting words, she dropped her head and turned away from him just before his lips were about to crash against hers.

"I can't." she whispered remorsefully.

"Sorry." he gasped when he realized what he'd almost done.

"I am...I'm." she stuttered nervously before turning away from him and walking towards the OR "I'm going to go in now."

"Alright." he nodded and watched her slip into the OR. As soon as the door shut he curse himself "God! How can you be so stupid!"

He scrubbed in quickly and proceeded to walk into the OR, the nurses helped fit him into the sterile garb and he nodded to the anesthesiologist to put the patient under.

"Do you think she'll be here?" Meredith asked.

"Who?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"My mother."

"Is that why you're nervous?" he asked, she just looked at him blankly "You're not going to know anyway."

"How is that?"

"Because you're not going to be looking at the gallery, you'll be focusing on the surgery, not who happens to be watching it."

"You're right." she said but found herself glancing up at the glass room above anyway.

"Meredith." Derek sighed "Stop looking in the gallery."

"Right…sorry."

Meredith watched Derek intuitively throughout the entire surgery, she'd forgotten about the gallery all together. After a successful surgery she followed him out of the OR to the scrub room.

"Did I do ok?" she asked as they approached the sink.

"You did better than ok." he said "You did excellent."

"Really?"

"You came up with a diagnosis before anyone else ever thought about it. And you answered all the right questions in there accurately. I've never seen an intern do that before Meredith." he smiled softly "I'd say that excellence is very becoming of you."

"Wow." she mumbled "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Well you deserve it." he smiled at her, she returned the long smiling stare. "What do you say we go celebrate later?"

"Celebrate?" she gulped.

"Yeah, like go get some drinks."

"You mean like kind of a date?" she gulped again "Derek I don't know."

"It could be casual, and we could go somewhere unseen." he grinned "it would be our little secret."

"Derek I can't." she breathed.

"Because of Dash?" he asked. She stared at him blankly "What if he's not what you want, what if he's not what you expect?"

"I have to at least try." she gulped "I have to at least give him the chance."

"Alright." he sighed "I can respect that."

"I'm flattered," she blushed "please don't take it the wrong way."

"I know," he said half smiling "he's just the lucky bastard that got to you first."

She giggled a little and the door suddenly flew open, she straightened out her face instantly and Derek's angry face returned quickly.

"You're lucky Grey." he barked "Keep up this luck and you might manage to make it through this program with a reputation to be proud of!"

He turned and stormed out of the room, leaving Meredith to face her mother. She seemed happy to have witnessed Derek's fake lashing out at her.

"He's right you know."

"You know." Meredith mumbled "Luck is only when preparation meets opportunity."

"You think we're being too hard on you?" Ellis muttered "You have it easy compared to me! I was the only woman in my year, people laughed at me when I told them I wanted to be a surgeon!"

"Well thanks for paving that road mother, but the times have changed."

"Not enough!" she glared.

"You know this is a teaching hospital right?" Meredith muttered "You can't just kick me out of an OR that I earned my way into because you don't want to teach me."

"You'll enter my OR when I say so." Ellis growled "That is the first thing you need to learn!"

"Fine." Meredith muttered.

She stormed out, brushing past her mother and scuffled quickly down the hallway with tears of frustration burning her eyes. She sniffled as she got into the stairwell and felt like she needed Dash's company, but felt that only getting it online just wasn't enough anymore.

_MEG216: Dash…can we meet?  
>DASH109: I thought you weren't ready to meet?<br>MEG216: I am now, I changed my mind.  
>DASH109: Are you sure?<br>MEG216: Yeah, I really want to. I need to see you.  
>DASH109: You won't regret it?<br>MEG216: I'm positive I won't.  
>DASH109: Ok…when? Where?<br>MEG216: Tonight. There's a hill northwest across from the boarding dock to the ferry boats. There's a grass trail that leads to the top where a large oak tree is. Meet me there at eight o'clock.  
>DASH109: I'll be there.<em>


	17. Chapter 17

"So what do you guys think about my flyer?" Meredith asked as she caught up with George and Izzie in the hallway.

"What's it for?" Izzie asked, grabbing the paper "Roommates?"

"You're looking for roommates?" George gasped "Sold!"

"No." Meredith giggled, "We work a hundred hours a week together, we're not living together too."

"Oh why not!" Izzie whined "There's no one that would understand each other better."

"No." Meredith demanded "I want roommates outside of this hospital, I want my house to be used, you guys are never home."

"We could be home." George mumbled "We're just not happy with the homes we have at the moment."

"Yeah," Izzie nodded "We could definitely be home."

Meredith stared skeptically at them.

"Oh please Meredith!" she whined "I'm practically homeless."

"We both are." George mumbled.

"Fine." she huffed "But no borrowing my stuff, no loud obnoxious parties, and no loud sex."

"We're not dating anyone." Izzie frowned.

"That doesn't mean anything." George smirked. Meredith glared at him "Alright, we'll abide by your rules, when can we move in?"

"I'll give you keys tomorrow." she sighed with defeat before turning and walking off. There was a line for the elevator so she decided to take the stairs to get her labs, she was two flights down when she heard someone coming up the stairs and stopped, she felt her lips pull up into a smile when she saw his smiling eyes on her "Hi."

"Hey." he breathed while taking the last few stairs towards her "How did the conversation with your mother go?"

"As usual." she mumbled "I spoke my mind but she didn't care."

"She will someday, just be patient." he smiled.

"Derek." she said after an uncomfortable silence.

"Yes?"

"You're my boss."

"I know."

"Why would you even want to date me?" she frowned

He smiled softly "You're not like everyone else Meredith, and for some reason unknown to me….you make me happy again."

She gulped. She definitely found herself being unwillingly attracted to Derek. He was very good looking, charming, and she definitely saw the diamond in the rough. But then there was Dash, and he warmed her mind and heart, he was there for her when she needed someone the most.

"I'm meeting him." she blurted "Dash I mean."

"Are you really?" He looked honestly surprised. "When?"

"Tonight."

"So you're just going for it then?"

"Yeah," she smiled "Something like that."

"Are you going alone?"

"Do you think I shouldn't?" she looked worried.

"I don't know." he shrugged "You're an adult, you can make your own decisions. But if you don't show up for work tomorrow I might be worried."

"You think he would try to hurt me?"

"I don't know Meredith, maybe he is who you think he is." Derek smiled "But sometimes people aren't who you think they are… sometimes they take you by surprise." he let out a soft sigh "But I'm hoping for the best for you, I really hope that this is what you want."

"Thank you." she mumbled. She started to walk around him when he reached out and gently grabbed her arm.

"Meredith."

"What?"

"What if I were to ask you to pick me? To choose me? To.."

"Derek." she said just above a whisper.

"I'm sorry." he breathed and let out a single chuckle at the desperation and stupidity of his actions "I wish you luck."

Derek let go of her and Meredith moved around him and skipped down the stairs, feeling both excitement and guilt, for both of them. She stopped half a flight above the floor where the lab was when she heard a commotion of voices beneath her that sounded like they didn't want to be heard.

"I don't care!" Cristina hissed "You're my boss I don't want anything to do with you."

"It's a little too late for that." he smirked.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he chuckled

"Like you've seen me naked!"

They stopped talking, suddenly feeling someone else's presence and looked up to see Meredith standing there with an awestruck expression.

"I'll see you later Yang." Dr. Mason smiled and then exited the stairwell. Cristina sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"How much of that did you hear?" she groaned.

"Nothing I'll repeat." Meredith mumbled. "But seriously, what was that about?"

"Nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing."

"You certainly sound interested in something you're not going to repeat!"

"Ok, sorry." Meredith muttered with an eye roll.

"Fine." Cristina huffed "We had sex. It was the night before internship started, I was drunk and I didn't know he would be my boss. Don't breathe a word of it to anyone!"

"I won't." Meredith gulped "I met someone online and I'm meeting him tonight."

"Seriously?" Cristina frowned "I thought people quit doing that."

"So I keep hearing." she sighed "So does he want seconds or something?"

"Worse." Cristina groaned "He wants to date."

"Bummer."

"Yeah."

They shifted a little before Meredith finally made her way down the rest of the stairs.

"Well I better get my labs done so I can get out of here."

"Yeah," Cristina nodded "Good luck tonight."

"Thanks." she smiled "And good luck with …your thing."

"Thanks." she replied, Meredith started making her way out the door "Meredith!"

"What?" she asked, turning around

"You're right."

"About?"

"Everyone needing secrets."

"I know." she smiled "I know."


	18. Chapter 18

It was seven thirty and Meredith stood in front of her bathroom mirror for one last assessment on her look. Her hair was brushed, she was shaved and waxed and had a clean shirt on. She didn't know what exactly to wear, or what Dash would be wearing, but decided to just go casual and warm since they'd be meeting outside. She was wearing dark wash jeans, a lavender sweater with a white undershirt and a black wool coat. Finally happy with her look, or too nervous to change it, she headed down the stairs to leave. Just as she opened the door she almost bombarded herself with two bodies.

"Ah!" she screamed and stumbled back "What the hell are you guys doing here!"

"We were coming over to pick out our rooms." Izzie said just as startled.

"Where are you going?" George smirked.

"None of your business!" Meredith hissed "And I told you that you were getting keys tomorrow, now shoo!"

"But we want to know how much to bring and how much to put in storage."

"I have a basement, now go." Meredith huffed.

"You're in a real hurry." George smirked "Going off on a hot date?"

"No." she scowled.

"I bet she's running off to me cyber-boyfriend." Izzie giggled, Meredith gulped, they both gasped "Oh my god! That's what you're doing!"

"If I let you guys in will you not talk about this!"

"If you let us in we won't talk about this." George repeated, she moved and let them in the house as she stepped out "Today anyway."

Meredith rolled her eyes and slammed the door behind her as she rushed down the steps and to her car in the driveway. It took her less time to get across town than she thought, she parked her car in the lot and then walked towards the hill, found the trail and climbed up it still with fifteen minutes to spare. She felt a little breathless and her heart beating rapidly wondering if he was already there. She gulped as she got to the top of the ridge and felt a little relief mixed with disappointment to find it empty. She took a few deep calming breaths and stood, looking out at the bay to wait…

Five minutes passed and it felt like five hours, she shifted a little in her spot and tried to ignore her inner voice questioning her sanity. This was crazy, normal people don't do this. And why did she pick this spot, why didn't she choose a more public place where she could get away quickly or scream where someone could hear her if the guy turned out to be a monster. She played with her phone inside her jacket pocket, flipping it over and over and wondering if maybe he wasn't coming. Maybe he would just stand her up because he couldn't think of a nice way to let her down. Maybe…crunch.

She heard the sound of grass and twigs breaking way under someone's foot and gulped, she closed her eyes and turned around slowly and was met by a pair of shimmering ocean blue eyes. She felt her breath taken away instantly to see the familiar face standing there staring at her so vulnerable. At first she wondered if he'd come to protect her, to beg for her, but then she realized that she'd only shared the information with one of them.. And that one was both of them, standing there a few feet away from her. His eyes lifted in a light amusement and he smiled at her.

"Derek Alexander Shepherd, birthday January, 9th…." he breathed "Dash 1-0-9."

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey." she stuttered still in disbelief "Birthday, February 16th…..MEG216."

They stared at each other across the short distance with a myriad of expressions running across their faces. She took a moment to accept that this is the person she'd found herself so attached to, the person she was falling for. Recently it seemed it were two men, and now the complication of a love triangle all faded into the perfection of him. Derek was Dash, Dash was Derek…she felt excitement bubble up in her gut and she gulped.

"It's really you." she mumbled.

"Are you disappointed?" He asked and feared.

Meredith stepped towards him a few steps, closing the distance between them. His eyes followed her, and he looked at her as if he were satisfied enough to never look at another thing in the world again. She stopped just close enough to feel his breath rush warmly across her cheeks and looked widely into his eyes.

"I wanted it to be you." she whispered just before she lifted herself onto her toes and pressed her lips against his.

Perhaps it was intended to be a short, soft, innocent kiss of welcome and introduction of one mouth to the other. But something happened between them that neither expected, a cosmic reaction of sorts exploded as soon as their lips parted and connected to the other. Adrenaline and warmth shot through their veins and they saw sparks behind their closed eyelids. Their arms wrapped around each other and moans traveled through their throats as they embraced tightly, feeling the need to be as close as humanly possible. They could have stayed like that the entire night, perhaps even their entire life. But questions needed to be asked and answered, complications weighed heavily between them, the relief of finally being together and connected on a new level wouldn't suffice. After a few, long breathless minutes they parted and panted heavily against each other's swollen lips.

"You knew." she whispered.

"Yes." he confessed.

"How long?"

"The day of the conference, when you left your phone in the closet." he sighed "I sent you a message and I heard your phone go off.. I couldn't help myself."

"You didn't tell me." she stated, sounding almost angry about it.

"Meredith," he breathed "I didn't want to lose you."

"But all this time you went knowing it was me, and tricking me, and playing mind games."

"I'm sorry." he gulped "I just…I felt like if you knew it was me you would run. And then we started having feelings anyway, and I wanted to know who you wanted, me or Dash?"

"But you are Dash."

"To you yes, I am." he said "But to the rest of the world I am two different people."

"Yes you are." she swallowed "You're Dr. Shepherd, the angry at the world, asshole attending to everyone else and to me you're….you."

Her eyes fell onto his lips and she found herself longing for them against hers again. Afraid that giving into that craving would prevent them from the talk they needed to have she took a step back and sighed.

"What are we going to do Derek?"

"What should we do?" he asked "Do you still want me?"

"Of course!" she gasped "Of course I do, but I have no idea how."

"You don't want anyone to know then."

"No one can know." she sighed "Because she can't know, she just wouldn't allow it."

"You're an adult Meredith, you live on your own, why do you care what she thinks about your life?"

"It's not me I'm worried about, she'll make our lives a living hell. She'll get us where it hurts the most, at work."

"You really care about me."

"Is it so hard to believe that I'm falling for you?"

"It's hard to grasp that anyone would…it's hard to believe anyone would look at me and not cringe at how I've treated the rest of humanity lately."

"You're human Derek."

"Meredith." he mumbled, she looked at him "I'm falling for you too."

She stopped her pacing and walked over to him again, she looked confused, and longed to be in his arms again, and indefinitely. She couldn't believe how strongly she suddenly felt about him, it was as if someone opened a flood gate on her emotions. There was nothing that could stop it, she absolutely had to be with Derek, she just didn't know how that would be possible.

"What can we do Derek, there has to be a way."

"Is your mother in your life other than at work?"

"No, not at all." she shook her head.

"Than that must be the answer."

"You think we should just keep mum about it at work and be normal outside of work?"

"Well I wouldn't flaunt it outside of work, unless you want anyone at work to catch wind and start up rumors in the hospital."

"Right." she nodded "We'll just sneak."

"Meredith," he sighed "I'll do anything to make this work.. But how long exactly will we have to sneak?"

"I won't be an intern forever Derek."

"But she'll be our chief of surgery for who knows how long?"

"I know." she mumbled "But since I made the decision to become a doctor I wanted to do my internship at Seattle Grace, my mother did and every other doctor in our family as well. It's tradition I guess and it's important to me. Just let me finish out my intern year here, and I'll transfer somewhere else, then she can't torture us. Or at least not me."

"Do you really think I'll let you go anywhere alone?" he smirked.

"You can do whatever you choose to do."

"My choice?" he raised his brown then smiled as he reached out and caressed her cheek with his thumb while cradling her jaw in his palm "Meredith before I met you I was living in the dark, under a cloudy sky, the only fulfillment I got out of a single day was finishing off a bottle of scotch each night. I had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to. Then you came like a strong wind, you took my breath away and at first knocked me down. But you blew the clouds away, you lit up my sky, and you gave me something to be happy about, I look forward to every second with you, I get up each morning now and enjoy the fact that I'm alive. So really, there is no choice other than you."

"Derek Shepherd." she said in a breathless whisper "Keep that up and you'll make me fall in love with you."

He smiled and smirked as he lifted her chin "That is the plan."

And then their lips, satisfied with the information they shared took on a mind of their own and connected, picking back up where they'd left off.


	19. Chapter 19

After a long lustrous make out session they both sat down on the grass and watched the ferry boats make their way through the bay and into the channels. At some point they'd laid down and drifted off to sleep. Meredith suddenly woke with a start when they sun started to shine against her closed eyes.

"Shit!" she gasped, waking Derek up startled.

"What?" he asked "What's wrong?"

"I'm late!" she cursed as she jumped to her feet.

"Oh." Derek frowned as he looked around and started to take everything in. "Well don't worry I'll vouch for you."

"We're not going to do that remember." Meredith sighed "You're going to be the asshole to me at work, and I'm going to be me… and we're not going to give each other slack or make anyone wonder."

"Oh," he mumbled, feeling a little disappointment in their plans "right, sorry I forgot."

"I better go." she gulped.

"When will we see each other again?"

"We'll make plans, later, but right now I really have to go Derek."

He nodded and as much as she wanted to kiss him goodbye she was running really late so she rushed down the hill, almost falling in the process and ran to her car. She raced to the hospital in record timing, not even worrying about her appearance, she'd fix it when she got there. She burst through the locker room doors just as everyone was getting ready for rounds. All eyes were on her when the doors slammed against the walls, she blushed and walked to her locker, wondering what was with all the snickers around the room.

"Have a good night?" Izzie giggled.

"It was nice." Meredith mumbled "Why do you ask."

"Because," George smirked "You're wearing the same clothes you were in last night and you have sex hair."

"What?" Meredith gasped.

"Is this a twig?" George squinted as he pulled something out of her messy hair "Public sex?"

"No sex." Meredith scowled "And it's none of your business anyway."

"Then what's with the hair?" Izzie giggled.

"I fell asleep outside." Meredith sighed "Just let me get ready, I'm running late as it is."

"You can multitask." Izzie pressed "Just talk while you get dressed!"

"Oh leave her alone." they heard down the row of lockers and looked to see Cristina glowering at them "If she doesn't want to talk about her date that's her business."

"How did you know about her date?" George narrowed his eyes "How did Cristina know about your date, and before us?"

"Because." Meredith sighed "I knew she wouldn't come asking me a hundred questions about it the next day, the only reason your two knew about it is because you are impatient toddlers who can't wait for someone to give you what they said they would the next day."

"But." Izzie mumbled, George reached up and put his hand over her mouth.

"No, Iz." George murmured "She's right."

Meredith just rolled her eyes and slipped into her lab coat, she walked over to the sink and mirrors with a hair brush, she did her best to brush the tangles mess out but ended up just putting it up in a pony tail instead. She rushed out of the locker room and headed to the elevators to go find Bailey. The doors open and she was suddenly swimming in his deep blue eyes again, she flushed a little and stepped on, both of them trying to hide their excitement at the fact that they were alone in the elevator.

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith mumbled as she pressed a button and waited for the doors to close.

"Dr. Grey." he said in a low gruff voice, shifting the files in his hand.

As soon at the doors made a soft slamming noise as they closed Meredith heard the files in Derek's hands fall to the floor. She turned around just as his body slammed against her, she gasped her mouth open as his covered hers and his tongue entered her mouth as if it were its second home. She moaned and felt his hands sliding smoothing up her scrub shirt. He moaned at the feel of her hot smooth skin under his palms and his fingers dug into her waist and lower back as he longed to have the skin of her torso pressed against his. She moaned into his mouth as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and felt a hunger for the same feeling.

"I think you should come over tonight." he moaned into her mouth. "Since you have roommates."

"Yeah." she panted against his lips as the nipped and plucked at hers "Definitely, coming over."

He pulled something out of his pocket and slipped it into hers, all while caressing his lips over hers, she ground her hips into his and felt his body reacting and hardening against her. She moaned at the same time he did, both with wanting to be as intimate as humanely possible. They were unfortunately interrupted by the ding of the elevator, signaling that it had arrived at the floor they needed. They quickly jumped apart just as the doors opened, Meredith felt her back stiffen immediately as she stared into her mother's cold blue eyes.

"I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd." she cleared her throat and straightened her shirt out against her pants "I was in a hurry."

"Whatever Grey." he muttered while picking his files off the floor "Just watch where you're going, you're likely to kill someone like that."

"I'll be more careful next time." she mumbled, then rushed off the elevator, brushing past her mother who was looking at them with cautious skeptical eyes.

"What was that about?" Ellis frowned.

"She came barreling in here, late for something, and knocked me on my ass." he grumbled.

"Are you sure?" Ellis frowned.

"Yeah," Derek scowled "Why wouldn't I be sure it happened?"

"I just hope that nothing inappropriate happened." Ellis snapped "You're supposed to be teaching the interns Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey, I assure you I am not doing anything inappropriate with anyone, much less an intern."

"Right." Ellis laughed "Right I'm sorry, I'm just paranoid that… oh never mind."

"Have a good day Dr. Grey." Derek smiled before walking off down the hall. Realizing that this was going to be a lot harder than he thought it would be.


	20. Chapter 20

Meredith had a grueling morning running Bailey's scut work for being late. She finally reached a moment in her day where she could eat some lunch. She got a few little things and sat down at a table in the crowded cafeteria by herself.

Her mind immediately went to Derek and wondered what he was doing at the moment. She rested her phone on the table and suddenly felt a pang in her gut, she hadn't heard from 'Dash' all day. And though she knew that Dash was Derek now, she missed the conversations that they used to have.

She didn't have long to torture herself over it when she heard another tray smack down against the table and looked up to see Cristina sit down with a huff. Meredith shoved a potato chip in her mouth as she looked at her with curiosity.

"I kiss Mason." She confessed.

"You kissed Mason?" Meredith mumbled with a full mouth.

"In an on-call room, I kissed him."

"You kissed the cardio god in an on call room?" Meredith repeated

"Yeah!" Cristina frowned "That's what I just said."

"Sorry, I was just…" Meredith shook her head "Did you have sex again?"

"No!" Cristina hissed. "But I accepted a date."

"I thought you didn't want to date him."

"I don't." Cristina gulped "But then again I do."

"You do but you don't."

"Are you going to repeat every damn thing I say?"

"No, sorry." Meredith mumbled and ate another chip. "So why do you want to suddenly date him?"

"I don't know," Cristina shrugged "I guess he's growing on me, and he's the cardio god."

"You want to go into cardio?"

"It's not what you think." Cristina glared.

"I wasn't thinking anything." Meredith stuttered "I wasn't thinking."

"I'm not going to date him or sleep with him to get ahead. We're both genuinely interested in each other I guess….plus he's good in bed."

"That's always a good plus." Meredith raised her brow and suddenly wondered how Derek was in bed. Her shoulders trembled at the thought.

"How was the date last night?" Cristina asked, Meredith looked up at her "I'm not going to talk about it like Barbie and Bambi would, you can talk to me."

"Barbie and Bambi?" Meredith giggled. Cristina shrugged "It fits."

"So?"

"So it was great." Meredith smiled "It was definitely better than I expected."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No." Meredith mumbled into another chip "We just talked and stuff."

"That's good, it's always nice to get to know the person before hand….like the fact that they're not about to be one of your bosses." Cristina grumbled, Meredith just stuffed another chip in her mouth "You're so lucky."

"Why?" she mumbled with a mouthful again.

"To be dating someone outside of work."

"Yeah." Meredith almost choked "I guess I am."

"Crap." Cristina sighed when her beeper went off "I gotta go."

Meredith nodded and watched as she jetted off. She heard a ding on her phone and felt her heart flutter rapidly when she scrambled to pick it up, she smiled when she saw the IM screen display on her phone.

_DASH109: Hey you…  
>MEG216: Hey yourself!<br>DASH109: How are you doing?  
>MEG216: Doing well, just grabbed some lunch. Now it's back to slave work.<br>DASH109: Bailey get you for being late?  
>MEG216: I'll be lucky if I get to see the surgical floor at all this week..<br>DASH109: Bummer….I've been thinking about you.  
>MEG216: I've been thinking about you too.<br>DASH109: You were right, this thing won't be easy for us here.  
>MEG216: No it won't.<br>DASH109: You're welcome to change your mind."  
>MEG216: What do you mean?<br>DASH109: I mean that this is hard and it shouldn't be, you have it hard enough.  
>MEG216: Dash are you changing your mind?<br>DASH109: No…I just….I think it's going to be hard._


	21. Chapter 21

Meredith slammed her locker close after putting her scrubs and sneakers inside, she hung up her lab coat and watched as a small piece of paper fell out of it. She reached down and picked it up, there was an address scribbled on it. She sighed and shoved it in her pocket. She felt like the frown on her face would be a permanent one after this afternoon's confusing conversation with Dash…aka Derek.

It almost seemed as if their romance would be short lived, like he felt the challenge of it would be too daring. They had talked about it the night before and he seemed fine, he wanted to be with her just as much as she did with him… but then for some reason from the time she left him in the elevator that morning to their IM conversation he'd flipped his coin so to say. She heard laughter coming towards her and quickly pulled two metal objects out of her jeans pocket as she turned to Izzie and George.

"Hey Mer." Izzie smiled.

"Ok here's the rules." Meredith said as she lingered two keys up in front of her "Besides the no loud parties or loud keep me up all night sex…no invasion of privacy whatsoever. You two know enough about my business while I'm here at work if I don't have privacy at home you'll be out on your asses again. That means no going through my things, no entering my room uninvited, and no prodding about my personal life."

"Ok." George shrugged and reached for the keys "Whatever just let us move in."

"The rest of our things anyway." Izzie giggled, Meredith squinted and George elbowed her "Ouch!"

"You're already moved in!" Meredith gasped.

"Well, you were gone last night. And we had nothing to do so, we brought some stuff over."

"Fine." Meredith muttered as she grabbed her coat

"So should I pick up some beer or something?" Izzie asked "Maybe we could celebrate?"

"I have plans." Meredith said then frowned "I think."

"Another date with cyber boyfriend?" George raised his brow then remembered the rules "Sorry, I've never been good at following the rules."

"Well you should start." Meredith said "And yes, I think.. He was kind of weird to me this afternoon. It almost sounded like he might back out."

"Well if he does maybe Shepherd could step in." Izzie giggled.

"What do you mean?" Meredith gulped.

"Izzie that was nothing, I told you that." George rolled his eyes. Meredith looked at them confused. "Oh your mother went off on Shepherd this morning, but she was just being your mom.. It was nothing."

"What did she say?" Meredith demanded.

"She apparently got her panties in a wad because you two were riding the elevator together." Izzie said, Meredith gulped "She told him that he's supposed to be your teacher, nothing else. And then he walked off, it was almost psychotic.. I mean Shepherd yells at you more than anyone else, like he would even thaw out enough to feel anything for you."

"Yeah." Meredith said and threw out a fake giggle "Totally."

"I told you, it was nothing…and stupid." George mumbled.

"Right." Meredith said, she plastered a fake smile on her face "Well I'm gonna go, you guys have a good night."

"So are you coming home tonight or not?" Izzie asked.

"No, definitely not!" Meredith called out over her shoulder.

She pushed her way through the doors and stormed down the hallway, feeling her irritation and anger at her mother grow with every step. She made it out of the hospital without barreling into anyone and got to her car, she then pulled the piece of paper out of her pocket and looked at it. She glanced at the map in her glove compartment and then took off out of the parking lot. She felt a little confused and glanced over the map a few times when it called for her to get off the highway and onto a dirt road, it was the last place she expected Derek to live.

The dirt road ended and she was startled even more to see a small metal trailer in the middle of it. She thought she might be lost at first but Derek's car was parked out front, as odd as it seemed at the same time she couldn't help but think how perfect it was as well. She put her car in park and killed the engine, she got out and walked towards the trailer, a few of the lights were on. She scanned it over as she climbed the steps, then contemplated knocking on the door but placed her hand on the latch and opened it instead. There he was, sitting at the table with half a bottle of scotch, his head in his hands until he heard her come in, his head lifted quickly and he stood almost immediately, as any gentleman would in the presence of a lady.

"Meredith." he breathed out her name. "What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to come over," she gulped "remember?"

"Well yeah but.."

"But nothing." she mumbled, then took the two steps to reach him and placed her hands around his face and pressed her lips against his, giving him a long, drudging, tender kiss. She pulled back and looked into his smoldering but contemplative eyes and mumbled "Teach me."

She stepped away from him and took another step towards the bedroom. "Meredith, I don't know if we should…"

"Teach me." she said again, only this time she pulled her shirt up over her head, and his eyes immediately went to her naked torso. "You're supposed to teach me, so teach me."

He stood there speechless, his eyes following her as she kicked off her boots and her hands unzipped her jeans and then kicked those off too. She stood in the doorway of his bedroom wearing only a scantily pair of matching panties and bra. He felt his body quickly and urgently already reacting to the thought of it. Something he'd dreamed about since the moment he started to fall for her, and there she was, almost naked and wanting him….there was no way he could or would turn her down, no matter what her mother said to him.

He took two long strides to reach her and his lips attacked hers with urgency and desire. He lifted her and swung her legs around his hips before they went crashing down upon the bed. Her fingers knitted into his hair as she moaned into his mouth, then ran them down his back and tugged at his shirt. He shifted a little so she could maneuver it from him. He pulled his lips from hers but trailed them down her jaw line, suckling softly at the skin on her neck, collar bone and chest. He stopped when he reached the soft lacy layer that covered her voluptuous breasts and with a finger tip pulled it back. He groaned as he leaned over to take her budding nipple into his mouth and taste her soft sweet skin. She moaned and arched her back off the bed, her fingers dove into his wavy locks of hair.

"Oh god Derek!" she gasped.

He left one breast to go to the other, and reached behind her to undo the small clasp that held it on her body. He slid it off of her and tossed it aside as his mouth wrapped around her other breast, driving her just as crazy as it did the first. She lifted her hips up off the bed and ground them against his, letting him feel her wetness seeping through her lace thong, he groaned deeply at the gesture and gently pressed her hips back down against the bed.

"Keep that up," he panted "and it won't last long."

"Get inside me then." she whispered "Now."

"Bossy." he grinned.

She wasn't quite so bemused as he was, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him against her, crushing their lips together and kissing him with all abandon. He groaned again and wiggled out of his pants, she spread her legs around his naked hips and reached down, feeling and stroking his long hard erection. He was the one going wild now, he pushed her hand down against the bed and with one hard swift movement he buried himself inside of her. They both gasped and groaned at the overwhelming feeling it brought them. They stared into each other's delighted eyes for a moment before he began grinding against her, moving in and out swiftly and strongly with each powerful thrust he brought them both closer and closer to the edge of climax. She clawed and dug her fingers into the skin of his shoulders as she screamed his name and moaned, fighting to keep holding onto the feeling a little longer until finally she could hold on no more. With one more strong push he followed her into a hot trembling exertion of fluids that floated them to heights neither of them had reached before.


	22. Chapter 22

Derek's eyes fluttered open and he gasped a little, almost afraid that he's just dreamed it all. It was dark in the trailer, the only light coming from the moon shining through the windows. He looked over and saw Meredith laying next to him, naked and tangled in the sheets of his bed. A mixture of emotions hit him all at once… lust, hunger for more, passion, guilt, sadness, anger at himself. He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, he crouched over his naked lap and rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hand over his tired face and through his hair.

There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted Meredith more than anything in the world, more than he'd ever wanted anything before. But at the same time that came with conditions, and those conditions were most costly to her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her life any harder than it already was, to make her hurt would only hurt him, it would kill him. He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes scanned over her skin, that his sheets scantily hung around, glowing in the moonlight. Her naked chest and exposed breasts, which were such a perfect form and shape, rose and fell with each sweet breath that she took.

Acting on his human desires and weaknesses he reached out and trailed his fingers gently up her bare thigh, running it up and over her hip and the smooth perfectly shaped curves of her stomach. He gulped, feeling a tightness grow in his chest and lifted his fingers away from her. He let out a long silent breath as he squinted and tried to think of the possibilities of making this work, of making this happen again.

"Your lips can pick up where your fingers left off." he heard mumbled through the dark room.

His lips curved up into a smile when he saw her eyes slit open. He leaned over her and placed his lips tenderly against her shoulder and kissed every inch of skin until he reached her collar bone. She moved onto her back, opening herself up to him, exposing as much of herself as she could. He took it urgently as his lips made their way towards her breasts. He took her full smooth breast into his hand and lowered his lips down to take her nipple into his waiting mouth when she reached up and pushed him back.

"Stop." she whispered, he frowned as he pulled himself away from her and looked to see a troubled expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked "I thought you wanted me to."

"I do." she whispered "But you look like you're in pain. I don't want you to if you're not enjoying it."

"I am." he said deeply and then cleared his throat "Believe me, I am enjoying this very much Meredith."

"Then why do you look like you're only half here?"

He stared at her in disbelief, unable to comprehend how she read him so easily, as if she could see right through him, and in a dark room where he could barely make out her shape. He contemplated pressing himself against her, and kissing her so desperately that she forgot her own name and the subject as well. But if this was ever going to be what he wanted it to be, he had to confess everything.

"I'm sorry." he whispered with a sigh. "I just want this to work."

"I don't see why it won't?"

"I know it will it's just…" he sighed.

"Oh." she mumbled "You're worried about my mother."

"Yes."

"She's getting to you." Meredith said "She has ways."

"Yes, she does." Derek confessed "How did you deal with it for so long?"

"Easy." she shrugged "I just said fuck her, I'm doing what I want."

"That's my instinctive reaction." Derek said "But what if you get hurt…I can take on a firing line but if this hurts you…"

"Derek." she cut him off with a clear calm voice, he looked at her through the dark, her eyes shimmering through the moonlit room "If you worry yourself to death about this, and stop this before it even starts because you're worried about what my mother may or may not do you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."

"You're right." he choked.

"My mother may think she's god, but she only controls where my job future is at Seattle Grace. The plan is that she isn't to find out, and granted we need to be a lot more careful at work. But if she does find out then so the fuck what…I go to another hospital, I go as far as I can from her where I can grow outside of her shadow. If she finds out and freaks…it's not the end of the world. Just the end of Seattle Grace, there are plenty of hospitals out there who would be glad to take me."

"They would be lucky to." he said softly "And you're right, you are so, so right."

"I know I am." she snubbed "So are you done worrying?"

"Yes."

"Then get your naked ass over here, I want some more of you."

Derek grinned just before basically lurching himself onto her and kissing her so deeply that both of them forgot there was a world around them.


	23. Chapter 23

Meredith was stirred awake by a pair of lips that were grazing lustfully across her shoulder and collar bone, through her exhaustion she smiled.

"Again?" she giggled.

"I wish." he chuckled "I just wanted to wake you up early enough this time."

"Oh!" she gasped and fluttered her eyes open "Work.. Time.. What time is it?"

"Time to get up and go to work." he chuckled. She sat up and looked at the clock on the night stand.

"I need to use your shower."

"Only on one condition." he said.

"Seriously?" she frowned "Derek I need to shower, last night was mind blowingly awesome but I worked up a sweat to say the least."

"You haven't even heard the condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"That you share it with me." he smirked.

"That is a very small shower." she laughed lightly.

"All the more reason to rub up against each other."

Her eyes darkened at the thought and she gulped at the dry feeling in her throat all the sudden.

"We're making it quick!" she said while jumping up.

After a quick but very hot shower she headed to work, him following not too far behind, enough to make it seem like they hadn't left the same place at the same time. She hurried into the locker room, only a few minutes to spare seeing as how the shower wasn't a quick wash up. Her hair was still wet and her clothes were wrinkled from being on Derek's floor all night long. As expected but unwanted George and Izzie walked up almost immediately after she reached her locker.

"You didn't come home last night." Izzie grinned.

"I told you I wasn't going to." she sighed.

"Izzie you're crossing the line again." George mumbled, "So how was the sex?"

"George!" Meredith gasped "How is THAT not crossing the line?"

"Sorry, I can't help myself. There's no hope for me."

"Why did you agree to my roommate conditions then?"

"I needed a place to live." he shrugged "You should have done a better job at screening."

"Well I'm not talking about it." Meredith frowned, then a smile crept on her face "But if I were I'd say it was the best I'd ever had."

"So there will be seconds then?"

"Technically it would be fourths."

"An all niter." George grinned "I knew you had a skanky little slut inside of you."

"There's nothing wrong with having a heaping helping of something when it's good." Meredith giggled.

"So when will you be seeing the boyfriend again?" Izzie asked.

"Boyfriend?" Meredith gulped.

"Well I'm only assuming that since you had sex all night and want to go back for more that you'll be sort of dating." Izzie explained.. Meredith stared aimlessly as she tried to process the thought.

"There's nothing wrong with sleeping with someone and going back for more." They heard from behind them and looked to see Cristina walking up "And it doesn't mean you have to date, you can have meaningless lustful sex for no reason at all.. A person has needs."

"Why is she always joining our conversations?" George hissed.

"For starters," Meredith giggled "you don't make them very private. And secondly she gives balance."

"Balance?" Izzie asked.

"You are the queen of fantasy land, it's nice and optimistic but in a nauseating way." Meredith said pointing to Izzie, then looked at George "And you peck for so much information you can't help yourself, so help me god if I ever slap you." she sighed and turned to Cristina "Cristina may be an uptight bitch but she's just pessimistic and incurious enough that it balances your two out.. I think we'd all make a good group of friends."

"Ugh." all three of them groaned simultaneously.

"So be it." Meredith shrugged.

"Bailey wants us on the case in 2013." Cristina said to Meredith.

"Oh yay." she sighed "I'm off scut duty."

"Yeah well don't get too excited, we'll be on Shepherd's case." Cristina said. Meredith started to smile but remembered she was supposed to hate him at work so she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I think I can handle it today."


	24. Chapter 24

"Nice to see you two made it finally." Derek muttered as Cristina and Meredith walked into the room.

"Sorry sir." they said simultaneously.

"Keep it up and I'll have you on my scut work for a week." he muttered as he scribbled on the chart "And I'm not as nice as Bailey."

"That's for damn sure." Cristina mumbled under her breath.

"What was that Dr. Yang?" Derek growled "Did you have something to say?"

"Um, no sir." she mumbled.

"What do you need us to do Dr. Shepherd." Meredith asked, getting annoyed with the mean Derek façade

"I need someone to get Mr. Jenks down to CT." he said "Someone who's at least half awake."

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"The bags under your eyes entail that you had a late night." Derek said "I need someone who's going to concentrate on the case, not be tempted to fall asleep."

"I'm sure I'm not more tired than you are Dr. Shepherd." she glared

"What makes you think I'm tired?"

"Were you or were you not putting eye drops in your eyes in the hallway this morning and asking the scrub nurses to get you an espresso. I'm sure they wouldn't have minded but last I heard that's not part of their nursing school training." Meredith said through her teeth. Derek stared at her and gulped.

"Fair enough." Derek mumbled "You two work together on this and you might get some OR time."

They nodded and watched him rush out of the room, Meredith narrowed her eyes on his back as he left.

"Jesus he's in a mood today!" Cristina muttered after he was gone "And you've got the balls to stand up to him, I don't know how you do it."

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged "I guess I just know how to deal with it."

"I guess."

"Hey I'll meet you down at CT, I need to go grab some coffee."

"Alright," Cristina nodded "but don't be too long, Shepherd seems to be on a war path."

"I won't."

Meredith skipped out of the room just as her phone started vibrating in her pocket, she headed towards the coffee cart as she pulled it out of her pocket.

_DASH109: I'm sorry about the nurses thing, I have no interest in them I just needed something to wake me up.  
>MEG216: I'm not jealous.<br>DASH109: You're not?  
>MEG216: No, but you're starting to overdo it on the being an asshole part. Poor Cristina.<br>DASH109: I'm sorry about that too…I'll meet you later in the on-call room to make it up.  
>MEG216: No! No sex at work.. We can't even kiss in an elevator without suspicion. I can't imagine what they'll think if they see us coming out of an on call room together.<br>DASH109: There's no one on the seventh floor, and there IS an on call room up there.  
>DASH109: Meg?<br>MEG216: I'll see you at noon!_


	25. Chapter 25

"So are you going to be using your bed any time soon or should we just rent out your room?" George asked in the locker room as they were getting ready for rounds.

"What?" Meredith frowned "What are you talking about?"

"Well every night you're not busting your ass here, you're over at cyber boy's house." George said.

"No I'm not!" she defended.

"Every night for the last month you have." George raised his brow. Meredith stopped a moment to think and count back the number of weeks, he was right.

"What's wrong with spending time with company that I enjoy?"

"And sex you enjoy." George smirked, Meredith gave him a warning look and glanced around the room to look for a ploy to change the conversation. She didn't need to try her, one of the interns in her row made a mad dash to the trash can and hurled into it, her and George groaned "Ugh, another one!"

"Another one?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, that's the third intern this week that's come down with the flu."

"We better keep our distance then." Meredith said pushing him out the door "By the way, where is Izzie?"

"Why would I know that?" George asked.

"Because you two are like Siamese twins, attached at the hip." they heard beside them and turned to see Cristina had walked up in the hallway. George rolled his eyes.

"She told me to go on without her from the bathroom this morning." George said then smirked "I think that she was having too good of a time in the shower if you know what I mean."

"Ugh." Meredith made a face.

"What?" George frowned "Like I told her, there's nothing wrong with that kind of thing. You can't expect anyone else to want to have sex with you if you won't even have sex with yourself."

"You're deranged." Meredith shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak when they all stopped and stared at Izzie coming down the hallway walking almost like a penguin with her thighs glued together and a miserable desperate look on her face. "Izzie?"

"Meredith I need your help."

"Are you ok?"

"No, I'm not." she shook her head "That's what I need help with. I need an exam."

"Exam?" Meredith asked "What kind of exam?" Izzie gestured to herself in a very private area, Meredith gasped "Iz! No way, there are some things I just don't need to know."

"Please Meredith!" she begged.

"Why not ask George?" Meredith scowled "You two are practically siblings anyway."

"Because," she hissed "George doesn't have any appreciation of vaginas!"

"It's true." George nodded, "And George has rounds." he said then turned and walked off. Meredith sighed and looked at Cristina.

"No fucking way am I getting to know Barbie THAT well!" Cristina muttered.

"Meredith, if you do this for me I will do any scut work you get assigned for the next month." Izzie begged.

Meredith stared at her with a contemplative look for a minute and sighed.

"What did you do Iz?" She asked "Do you have a yeast infection gone bad or sit on some poison oak?"

"I slept with someone ok!" She muttered "Someone with a less than honorable reputation."

"Who?" Meredith and Cristina said simultaneously.

"Does it matter?" Izzie hissed while rubbing her thighs together "Everyone is getting laid by a secret lover, even Cristina!"

"Uh!" Cristina scoffed "Cristina is dating, it's not a secret!"

"Whatever." Meredith sighed "Lets go."

Meredith mumbled and followed Izzie into an exam room. She waiting behind the curtain as Izzie got undressed and into a gown, then hopped onto the table and put her feet into the stirrups.

"Ok, I'm ready." Izzie gulped.

Meredith sighed and walked in. She put some gloves on and took out a test kit, then started the exam.

"This is cold." Meredith said as she started, she looked up to see Izzie staring at the ceiling with a look of regret "Seriously, who did you sleep with?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me who your cyber boyfriend is."

"What makes you think that it's anyone?" Meredith raised her brow.

"I don't know." Izzie shrugged "I just have a feeling."

"Well you've got more to worry about that a feeling Iz." Meredith said as she finished the test.

"What do you mean?" Izzie asked, sitting up. Meredith looked up at her incredulously and sighed.

"Izzie…you have syphilis."


	26. Chapter 26

"Where is everyone going?" Meredith asked, seeing George rush down the hallway.

"Some kind of quick important meeting." he said "How is Izzie?"

"She'll live."

"What did she have?"

"You'll have to ask Izzie."

"It's not like I won't find out." George said narrowly, "For one I live with you two, and Izzie can't keep her mouth shut if her life depended on it."

"True." Meredith sighed and as they stopped behind the crowd gathered at the bottom of the stairs "She has syph."

"No shit!" George gasped and then chuckled, "Wow, who did she sleep with?"

"Don't know." Meredith shrugged "She wouldn't confess that much." She looked up at George and frowned "You're looking a little flushed, are you sure you didn't give it to her?"

"Hello!" George scoffed "Gay man standing here."

"Doesn't always mean anything."

"It means everything to me." George mumbled "Izzie is a nice pretty girl but I'm not interested in her type if you get what I mean."

"I get what you mean," she said "I get you."

"Thank you all for coming!" Ellis called out from the middle platform in the stairs "I know you all have jobs to do so I'll make this quick!"

"She doesn't look happy, is she not happy?" George asked "It's so hard to tell sometimes."

"No she's not happy." Meredith whispered "Her brow is pinched, it's never good when her brow is pinched."

"There have been eight doctors and twelve nurses here that have been diagnosed with…" she ground her teeth together and sighed heavily "Syphilis!"

There was a rumble in the crowd, George snickered and Meredith elbowed him to get him to shut up.

"If you are sleeping with someone inside the walls of this hospital I suggest that you first of all, stop! And secondly, get tested. All of you being medical….professionals, know the effects of syphilis and letting it go untreated can be devastating. Now if you need to refresh your safe sex practices my secretary Cordelia will be happy to give you a demonstration at 4 o'clock in the conference room."

"Poor Iz." Meredith mumbled.

"She's a doctor, she should know how to put a damn condom on." George scoffed "She did it to herself."

"George." Meredith frowned.

"That was mean…poor Izzie."

"What do you have today."

"I'm on a case in cardio with Yang, which basically means that I'm not getting to do shit."

"Why don't you just go ask Bailey to go somewhere else?" Meredith asked, George looked at her incredulously "Ok good point...well I need to get downstairs for lab work."

"And a syph test." George chuckled

"No!" Meredith gasped "I haven't slept with anyone…" she gulped "in the hospital."

"Sure." George smirked before turning and prancing off.

Meredith gulped again, as she starting to panic over everything, she hurried down to the lab and saw the long line of nurses and some doctors who were waiting for blood tests to see if they had syphilis or not. She held her breath for a moment and looked around, making sure she didn't see anyone she knew before stepping to the back of the line.

She tried to think if she'd felt any symptoms or not, she'd been so busy she hadn't noticed. Just as the person in front of her in line turned the corner in the hallway towards the lab, the elevator doors a few yards down the hall opened. She gulped as she saw Derek step out looking over a chart, he glanced up and did a double take when he saw her. He looked at the line and then back at her, his face puckered as he nonchalantly walked towards her, hooked his hand around her arm and pulled her into an exam room.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"I'm getting tested."

"Tested for what?"

"For syph." She mumbled "To see if I have it…I mean we don't have rules, we never made any rules."

"Oh." his brow flattened a little and he smirked "You don't need to get tested Meredith."

"I don't?"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else." he said "And besides, we're practically a condom ad."

"Ok." she said, trying not to grin with relief "But no more glow in the dark ones."

"I want you to meet me on the Ferry boat tonight." he said stepping towards her.

"The ferry?" she frowned "But we could get caught on the ferry, or arrested. Why not just go back to your place where we have hot amazing sex…it's what we always do."

"Exactly." he smiled. She frowned a little and then raised her brow.

"Oh." she mumbled "You want to have a date."

"Yes." he said.

"Ok." she mumbled, a smile starting to break across her face "What time?"

"I'll call you, or IM you when I get off."

"Sounds good." she smirked, she turned and opened the door to walk out.

"Hey." he said stopping her, she turned and looked at him. "For the record, I like the glow in the dark ones."

"I bet you do!" she giggled and then hurried out into the hallway before anyone saw them.


	27. Chapter 27

"Hey." Meredith said as she walked through the door to her house that night.

"Hey!" Izzie said from the couch with a mouthful of popcorn. "Nice of you to grace us with your presence."

"Thanks." Meredith frowned as she walked in "What are you watching?"

"Some of your mother's surgical tapes that we found in the basement."

"You were in the basement?" Meredith asked then rolled her eyes "Why am I not surprised."

She sat down between them on the couch and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

"I thought you said you had a date tonight?" George asked.

"I do." she said munching on a mouthful "He's running late, so I'm waiting."

"Make sure you're smart and use a condom." Izzie said.

"Smarter than you?" Meredith smirked and threw her a sideways glance.

"It's getting taken care of." she grimaced.

"Seriously Izzie." George frowned "Who was it?"

"Why does it matter, to you of all people!"

"Obviously so I won't make the same mistake!" George said.

"Ugh!" Izzie glowered "He's not gay."

"Doesn't mean anything." George chuckled under his breath.

"Can we watch the damn movie!" Meredith sighed "It's almost at the good part, which might I warn isn't for those with weak stomachs."

"Oh is it where she rips the guys face off?" Izzie asked, and suddenly the TV screen showed it.

A second later they heard a hurling gagging sound come from the other side of the couch and Meredith and Izzie whipped their heads of to see George throwing up into the popcorn bowl. Meredith gasped and jumped off the couch and Izzie screamed as she hopped up onto the arm.

"Oh god." George choked "I think I have it too."

"I told you!" Meredith shrieked.

"Can somebody…" he moaned as he held the bowl up..

"Not me!" Meredith gasped as she scurried out of the room.

"No way George you're an adult!" Izzie refused.

"And you call yourselves doctors!" he muttered as he warily stood up and scuffled into the kitchen.

"Doctors George." Izzie muttered "Not nurses!"

Meredith's phone went off and she breathed a huge sigh of relief when she picked it up.

"You couldn't have called at a better time!" she whispered loudly.

"Oh?" he asked. "What happened?"

"I'll explain later." She said grabbing her coat "Actually, I wont because it's disgusting and gross, but I'm on my way out the door now."

"Alright," he smiled "see you soon."

Meredith hung up and got in her car, she trembled a little as she breathed the crisp air and hoped that none of George's flu germs got on her. She thought about maybe asking Derek if she could stay at his place until it cleared out of the house. She pulled into the ferry boat parking lot and boarded by foot, she walked out to her favorite part of the boat, the bow and leaned against the railing as the boat started making its voyage across Elliot bay. She wondered when Derek was going to show up, and turned around to see him standing a few feet away, slightly leaning with his head tilted, just taking her in.

"There you are." she smiled.

"Here I am." he said softly as he took a few steps towards her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into him, giving her a long soft kiss, he pulled back and stared into her eyes as his hand caressed her cheek.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"What makes you think I'm doing anything?"

"You have a look in your eyes." she mumbled "It looks like you're about to say something."

"Maybe I am."

"Is that why you brought me here tonight?" she asked.

"I've had something on my mind, and I want to tell you."

"Whatever it is, just say it." she said softly "You shouldn't hold things in when it comes to me."

"At least not outside of work."

"Not outside of work." she mumbled. Then looked at him waiting for him to speak.

"Meredith…." he whispered and trailed off, a huge smile broke out across his face as he looked into her eyes "I'm in love with you…..I've been in love with you for, forever."

Her lips peeled back into a smile before leaning forward into his and kissing him deeply and lustfully.

"I love you too." she whispered against his lips "I've loved you for so long."


	28. Chapter 28

It was the middle of the night and Meredith was wrapped up in Derek's sheets. She felt herself glowing in the bliss of their newly confessed love and the amazing sex they'd spent most of the night having. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw that it was just barely dawn. She looked over to see Derek sleeping soundly next to her and smiled to see him on the pillow next to hers. She wondered if there would be a day that she could always expect that. Not in the next year at least….she felt a pain in her stomach and felt it cramp down. She moaned to herself as she felt incredibly nauseated and jumped up out of the bed quickly.

"Meredith?" Derek mumbled as he was startled awake.

She didn't answer and ran across the small trailer to the bathroom, she knelt in front of the toilet just in time as her stomach heaved. She felt her hair being pulled back and a large warm hand rubbing up and down her back. When she was done she grabbed some toilet paper to wipe her mouth and groaned.

"Are you ok?" he asked, handing her a glass of water from the sink.

"No." she moaned "George must have given me the flu."

"George has the flu?" he asked "Were you kissing him?"

"No." she glared "I was sitting next to him on the couch last night when he threw up."

"Oh." Derek raised his brows. "Do you need me to get you anything? For the nausea?"

"No." she shook her head "It's best to just ride it out."

"You shouldn't have to suffer if you don't have to."

"You could start the shower for me if you want to." she gulped as another wave of nausea hit her.

"You're not going to work." Derek said.

"Oh yes I am!" she hissed "My mother has no tolerance of weakness, that includes the flu!"

"You should be home resting, you'll get over it quicker that way." Derek sighed "You can stay here if you like."

"I'm not getting you sick too."

"Chances are I already have the germs." he said "Stay here."

"I have to work." she whimpered a little "I'm an intern, I can't miss work."

Derek sighed heavily as he crossed his arms and saw that she wasn't budging. As pale and green as she looked, it hurt him to see her suffering but he knew if it were him he would want to work too.

"Shower?" Derek asked.

"Please." she nodded.

He turned and stepped across the hall to the shower and started the water, he heard her starting to throw up again and rushed back to her to help…or the best he could anyway.

Meredith managed to get ready and drive herself to work. She was running a little late and found the locker room empty, she got sick again before she managed to dress into her scrubs but grabbed some water in her locker and rushed to find her fellow residents. Rounds were over by the time she caught up with them and they were hovered around the coffee cart talking, she walked up to the vending machine to grab something to put in her stomach, hoping it would at least help the cramping.

"Hey Mer." Izzie said "What happened to you this morning?"

"Ugh." she groaned as she tore into a package of mini Oreo's "The damn flu!"

"You too huh?" George asked, he held out a bag of BBQ chips to her but she turned her nose up at it.

"Yeah." she groaned "And thanks for it!"

"Well if it helps any, it only lasted 12 hours for me." he said.

"Well it's been too long as it is," Meredith mumbled with a mouthful "I'm ready for it to be over already."

"Did you hear we're getting a new neonatoligist today?" Cristina said.

"No." Izzie frowned "Who is it?"

"I don't know." Cristina shrugged then giggled "The nurses were making a joke that she wears salmon colored scrubs."

"Oh god." Meredith moaned "Don't say salmon please!"

"Why?" George asked "What's wrong with salmon?"

Meredith gagged and put her hand over her mouth as she hurried away, the rest of them shook their heads as they watched her flee in a hurry. Georg e called after her down the hall.

"You better not be pregnant!"


	29. Chapter 29

Meredith heard what George called out to her and made a mental note to thoroughly beat him to death later, especially if any of the nurses or *gulp* her mother heard him. But she couldn't help but wonder on it, especially when her flu had dissipated mid afternoon. She counted in her head the hours she'd been sick and then decided to make a trip to the pharmacy….outside the hospital.

She took her loot and went straight into the first bathroom she could find. She sat on the toilet as she stared at the result window aimlessly, she picked up the instruction paper and read it over a few times then she stared at the little white stick again and gulped.

* * *

><p>Derek was walking the halls, he was looking for Meredith and hoping to check on her but he couldn't seem to find her, and that worried the hell out of him. He heard his phone go off in his pocket and felt a jump in his chest, hopefully some information.<p>

_MEG216: We've got problems.  
>DASH109: How are you feeling? I've been worried.<br>MEG216: You have NO idea.  
>DASH109: You're not really making any sense, where are you?<br>MEG216: In hell!  
>DASH109: Explain please?<em>

Just as he pressed send someone came barreling around the corner and she gasped, he caught her and sighed with relief to have her in his grasp again. She looked at him with a terrified expression in her eyes, he felt her slip something into his pocket but didn't bother, all he wanted to do was take her in and make sure she was ok.

"Oh, Derek!" he heard called across the hallway before he could get a word out, he looked up to see Ellis standing there with a red head in salmon colored scrubs, smiling at him and waving him over. He looked at Meredith and then at Ellis and cursed under his breath. "Meredith you come too." she said in a not so friendly tone.

They both walked over to her, Meredith gulped as she felt a knot and wave of nausea hit her again, she wondered if it was the salmon scrubs.

"This is Dr. Addison Montgomery, she's joining our team as a neonatoligist." Ellis said "Addison this is Dr. Meredith Grey, she's just one of the many interns you get to torture this year."

"Grey?" she asked in a soft voice "Is she related to you Ellis?"

"Yea." Ellis mumbled "My daughter."

"Wow!" Addison gasped "You've got some big shoes to fill…I bet everyone hates you."

"You have no idea." Meredith moaned through her teeth.

"Anyways I really wanted to introduce you to this man." Ellis glowed "Dr. Derek Shepherd, he's our head of neurosurgery." Ellis giggled as they shook hands "And he's single."

Meredith felt another wave of nausea, she knew something wasn't right. Her mother was too happy, she was trying to set them up. She rolled her eyes and turned into the bathroom that was right behind them with her hand over her mouth. Derek's eyes followed her in as if by habit, he realized what he was doing and then turned back to Ellis and Addison.

"Is she ok?" Addison asked, looking rather concerned.

"Oh don't worry about her." Ellis brushed it off "She's just a weak link."

Addison looked a little surprised at the cold behavior Ellis seemed to display towards her daughter. Derek glanced at the bathroom door again and then shook his head as he turned back to the two woman.

"Um, yeah." he said clearing his throat "I'm head of neurosurgery, welcome to the hospital."

"I look forward to working close to you Dr. Shepherd." Addison said sincerely.

"Addison, let me show you down the hall where the NICU is." Ellis said pointing. Addison nodded and smirked at Derek as her and Ellis started to walk off.

Derek was torn between going with them and checking on Meredith. Ellis gave him an expectant look.

"I'm going to check on something at the nurses station, I'll be right with you ladies." Derek said.

"Don't be too long." Ellis said. He nodded.

Derek frowned after they disappeared around the corner and wondered how Meredith was doing, she still hadn't come out of the bathroom yet. He then remembered her sticking something in his pocket and reached in, feeling something long thin and plastic. He pulled it out and saw a white stick with a window thing in the middle. There were to dark pink lines on it and he squinted a little, wondering what it was and why she'd given it to him. He knew he should know what it was but he for some brainless reason had no idea.

"Oh, who's pregnant?" he heard in front of him and jumped a little to see a red head in front of him.

"Huh?" he asked. She smiled and pointed at the object in his hand.

"That's a pregnancy test." she giggled "And a positive one at that!"

Derek felt his heart pound as his mind slowly took everything in and it all fell together to what she was trying to tell him. Addison bounced on her toes a little and smiled at Derek expectantly.

"So who's pregnant?"


	30. Chapter 30

Meredith heard her pager go off and managed to pick herself up off the bathroom floor and answer it. She noticed that it was Derek and hoped it was work related, she wasn't ready to talk about it, she wasn't ready to deal with this. Part of her regretted telling him but she didn't know what else she could do.

The room was 2035 and when she got in there she saw him talking to a couple with scared expressions and a happy, healthy looking toddler sitting in the middle of the large hospital bed, she felt her emotions getting the better of her knowing that something must be wrong with the little girl. She always hated seeing kids sick and hurt but especially now..

"Half her brain?" the mother gasped, Meredith looked over at Derek to see him pointing to a cat scan "You need to cut out half her brain?"

"If we don't the rest of it will become diseased and die of, and it will be too late." Derek said.

"But how is that even possible!" her father asked.

"Her age makes it possible." Derek said, he glanced at Meredith with a look of relief, he handed her a chart and she flipped it open and read it, she was hit by a wave of nausea again. "She could go on to live a full healthy life after this."

"How did this happen?" Her mother gasped and burst into tears.

"Mrs. Hiatt I assure you that Jamie is in the best hands here and Seattle Grace." Derek said "And this is Dr. Grey, she'll be assisting me on this case. If you have any questions please page either of us."

They nodded, Meredith glanced up at him to see a slight smirk on his face. He nodded, gesturing her to follow him out of the room. She did and he went down a side hallway and around a corner to a dead end where only a few empty rooms were. He turned around to face her with an unmanageable smile across his face.

"So." he smiled "We're having a baby."

"What." she hissed "You call me out here to talk to me about this? I thought you wanted me on this case."

"I do want you on this case." he said "But we should talk about this."

"We really don't have to talk about it at all." she said "I don't know why I told you."

"Meredith." he scoffed a little "We're going to have a baby, we need to talk about this."

"WE?" she grimaced "No Derek, WE are not having a baby…I'm an intern, and my mother is Hitler, and she still can't know about us, now I'm also pregnant and I'm scared and not sure what to do yet."

"Well obviously there's only one thing to do." he frowned.

"No." she shook her head slowly and gulped "There's not just one thing to do….I have options."

Derek pursed his lips as he tried to wrap his head around what she was saying and suddenly it hit him. His eyes glazed over and turned hard, the hostile man that she first met here at SGH was suddenly back and standing in front of her.

"Fine." he muttered through his teeth "I suppose you have the RIGHT."

"Derek."

"You don't want to talk about it." he muttered "And honestly neither do I." he shoved the chart into her arms "Take Jamie down for another CT scan and do blood work, call the OR we need to get her in as soon as possible."

He turned and stormed off with out another word. She sighed as she looked over the chart and winced when the broken look on his face kept showing up in her mind. But she had no idea what she was going to do…she valued life and unborn life at that. But this was the worst of all time to have a baby, she just couldn't see how it could work out at all.


	31. Chapter 31

Derek avoided her for the rest of the day, but she did as he asked her to do. Jamie's surgery was scheduled for the following afternoon but she thought about dropping out of the case. Seeing that poor little girl wasn't helping her thought process any. What if her baby had problems, what if her baby suffered, did she really want to bring a human being in this world only to be tortured like she was?

She walked into the bar hoping to get away from the world. She saw Cristina sitting alone at the bar, tearing apart peanuts and throwing the shells in a bowl. She picked up a shot of something and downed it quickly, obviously not in a good mood. Meredith walked up to her and sat in the stool next to her and asked Joe for some ice water.

"I just got dumped." Cristina muttered "Wanna play the game, whose life sucks the most?"

"You don't want to play with me." Meredith said, sipping on her ice cold cup of water.

"Oh yes I do! I'll even go first…" Cristina muttered "My boyfriend is married! As in pig-headed, adulterous bastard married!"

"I'm pregnant." Meredith mumbled. Cristina snapped her head up "There. I win."

Cristina looked at her in shock and disbelief, she opened her mouth to say something when they heard a crash and looked over to see Joe the bartender had collapsed on the floor.

"Ok, maybe Joe wins!" Meredith gasped.

They looked at each other, then got up and rushed over to him. Izzie and George had just walked through the door and rushed over to Joe just as he was starting to come to.

"What?" Cristina said as she shined a light in Joe's eyes and glanced at Meredith "You're still sleeping with someone?"

"Why is that such a shock?" Meredith asked "Even Izzie got some action."

"Correction." Izzie said "Izzie got some syphilis."

"Joe lay down!" Cristina hissed as he started to get up "You need to go to the hospital."

"I'm not going anywhere!"

"Yes you are." Meredith muttered "This is your bar, you know how dirty the floor is."

"Fine, but I'm not taking the gurney patrol." he said getting up "I'll go myself!"

He started to walk out and the rest of them scrambled to follow him. George and Izzie took him for tests and Cristina paged Dr. Shepherd. Meredith stood around trying to ease her nausea as she tried to focus on Joe and not her own life train wreck of problems. She heard footsteps and saw Cristina heading towards her with a look of determination plastered across her face.

"How is Joe?" Meredith asked, hoping the sway the conversation she didn't want to have.

"So you're pregnant?" she said under her breath "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Meredith mumbled "I haven't decided yet…what do you think I should do?"

"You know what happens to pregnant interns." Cristina mumbled "You can't go join the vagina squad or pop zits for a living…you're far too talented."

"Um." Meredith frowned "Thanks."

"Who's the father?"

"Why does it matter."

"Is it someone here?" Cristina asked "Or were you still seeing that cyber guy."

Meredith stood there speechless, for some reason unable to make her tongue speak.

"It's someone here isn't it!" she hissed, "You have to get rid of it!"

"It's not a parasite Cristina!" Meredith suddenly hissed back.

"Hey guys." they jumped when they heard Izzie's voice behind them "What are you whispering about?"

"Nothing." Meredith said firmly "How is Joe?"

"He has an aneurysm the size of a baseball." they heard behind the counter, Meredith narrowed her eyes "I'll need some help on this."

"But there's no way to operate on that kind of thing." Cristina frowned.

"No." Derek said "Unless you do a standstill."

"Standstill!" Cristina gasped. Meredith rolled her eyes and Derek raised the chart.

"Well which one of you will it be?"

"Mine!" Cristina said grabbing it.

"Ahem!" Izzie cleared her throat.

"What?" She frowned "You have syphilis" she said then gestured to Meredith "And she's….too sick to think straight."

"Meredith?" Derek said her name with so many meanings behind it. She looked at him, seeing a hurt and pleading expression in them.

"I have the flu." she said and turned, she marched off, still angry with her situation and not wanting to talk about it. Derek sighed heavily and turned in the other direction, storming off down the hallway.

"What's with them?" Izzie asked.

"They hate each other… they always have." Cristina mumbled while reading the chart.

"Are you seriously going to hog that surgery."

"Yep!"

"Bitch."

"Uh huh!"


	32. Chapter 32

Meredith took the stairs down to go check on Jamie and see if her parent's needed any questions answered. She was halfway down a flight when she heard someone coming up, and as she figured her luck would bring her she was met with the last person she wanted to see. His blue eyes clashed with hers, she gulped and looked past him.

"Meredith!" he said, catching her arm and stopping her.

"I don't want to talk right now."

"Well I do!" he snapped. She glared at him "I'm sorry, I understand what you're going through…"

"Somehow I doubt that!" she muttered "Because if you did then you would realize that I can't possibly go through with it, I would be in hell. I would be digging my own grave, my mother is going to kill me and I'll be the laughing stock of this hospital! You're asking me to drag myself through the mud and go through with this and that makes me want to shove you off the roof right now!"

"Meredith." he said softly, she calmed at the sound of it and looked into his sincere eyes "I know you have the choice, and I won't be a caveman about it. I suppose it's your body, but I can't bring myself to do what I should do, and not think about the fact that it's my child inside of you too. And I love that child, I want that child. So yes, you make your choice…but should you choose to keep it. I'll be there for you, somehow and someway I'll do everything I can to make it better."

Meredith gulped, she felt tears burn her eyes as he spoke words she could only dream about. This was a sticky situation and it would be easy to just end it but it would be something she felt she would always regret too.

"I still don't know what I want to do." she mumbled.

He blew a hard breath through his nostrils and pressed his lips together, he was getting angry. Instead of an outburst of rage as she expected he grabbed her face in his hands and crushed his lips against hers, she gasped and lightly moaned before he ripped his lips from hers and stared at her.

"Then figure it out!"

She felt him swish past her and out the door onto the surgical floor. She turned to go but stopped cold when she saw someone standing on the platform between flights above her. She widened her eyes when she saw the wide stare and dropped jaw looking between her and the door that Derek had just gone through.

"How much of that did you see?" she asked meekly.

"McDreamy!" Cristina stuttered "You're knocked up by McDreamy?"

"Apparently a good amount of it." Meredith mumbled

"Well you can't keep it."

"He wants me to keep it."

"Men try to suck down our empowerment any way they can. Including using their offspring Meredith, don't be as stupid as I was, get rid of it before he gets rid of you."

"Derek and I aren't just sleeping together Cristina." Meredith mumbled as tears filled her eyes "Yes we hated each other, but then we became friends, and then he was Dash. And then he was the man that I fell in love with, and now he's the father of whatever is inside of me. So excuse me for hesitating! Excuse me for being scared! And shame on me for having a PROBLEM with the thought of throwing something we created together away like it's garbage!"

Meredith turned and swiftly walked out of the stairwell, hoping that Cristina kept it to herself. She walked down the quiet dark hallway where patients slept and nurses watched late night tv on the hallway televisions. She saw Jamie's mother standing in the doorway of her room, watching her little girl sleep. She sniffled and quickly wiped her tears away.

"Hi." Meredith whispered. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm ok." she nodded "I'm just trying to prepare myself."

"Prepare yourself?"

"For the possibility that tomorrow this world might not have Jamie in it."

"Oh." Meredith gulped "Dr. Shepherd is pretty confident that the surgery will be successful."

"I know." she smiled softly "But I like to be prepared…and I need to make myself see the possibility that her smile might not be here after surgery."

"Do you regret it?" Meredith gulped.

"Do I regret what?"

"Seeing her sick, and suffer." Meredith mumbled "Do you regret that you brought her into the world?"

She creased her brow for a moment in thought, she looked in the room at her sleeping baby girl and smiled as she shook her head.

"No." she said "Even if she were to not make it tomorrow, even though it would break me. I've had two and half of the best years of my life, and I would never trade them for anything."


	33. Chapter 33

Meredith needed time to think, or maybe not so much to think but to digest. She'd made up her mind, or rather she settled it. She'd only really ever thought of one option, but fear got in the way and made her doubt it. She went to her quiet place where her and Derek had spent a lot of time together, the only place at work they could go and not be seen.

She stared through the newly constructed windows out at the dark lit up city. She felt tears running down her chapped cheeks as she began to let it sink in and accept the her fate, and the fate of her unborn baby who was just getting started. She stared in disbelief as she remembered just two days ago all she had to worry about was getting up on time in the morning.

She heard the plastic rustle and knew that she was no longer alone in the room, and since only one person would know about this place, one person would come here, only one person would know where to find her. She didn't bother wiping her eyes as she turned around to face his anxious and broken face.

"We're having a baby." she whimpered. He looked at her incredulously, as if he wanted to hear it again to believe it "I never wanted to get rid of it, I was scared and doubtful, but I never wanted to get rid of it. I just wanted the choice to do what I felt I needed to do."

"You'll always have the choice Meredith." he said softly "I just wanted you to know that I'm all in this."

"We can't tell anyone."

"People are going to find out soon enough Meredith."

"Yes." she nodded "They'll know I'm pregnant when I start to show." she gulped "But they don't have to know who got me pregnant."

"Meredith I can't let you go through this alone."

"I know." she sniffled "I know you'll be there, and you can cheer me on silently. But she can't know about us, not yet."

"So we're still going to be the same, just sneaky and having a baby?"

"Yes Derek." she gulped "We're going to have a baby…." she sniffled and whimpered as she choked on her own voice "We're going to have a baby!"

"Oh god." he breathed and reached her in two strides "Thank you." he breathed out and kissed the top of her head as he held her close "Thank you Meredith."

"Just don't hurt me ok?" she squeaked through her tears.

"It'll be ok." he said, rubbing his hands up and down her back "It'll all be ok, I'll make it right."

"Derek?" she sniffled.

"Yes?"

"Does the seventh floor have a bathroom?"

"I don't know?" he frowned "Why?"

He suddenly heard her gag and gasped just as she emptied her stomach contents all down the front of his scrubs. She looked at him horrified after she was done choking, he just smiled.

"I guess I deserved that."

"Little bit, yeah." she mumbled.

"I supposed we both need to find a bathroom then."

"Yeah, might be good." she nodded.

They both walked towards the stairs, glancing at each other with much lighter shoulders than they had before, and knowing that from that point on…their lives would never be the same again.


	34. Chapter 34

It was almost time for Joe's surgery and Meredith was going to head up to the gallery to watch but she wanted to check on Joe first. He'd been a good friend, and a good bartender to her for the past few months. She walked in, the surgical nurses hadn't come to get him yet. She walked in the room but felt a cramp in her stomach and wave of nausea so rushed into the bathroom and tossed her cookies. When she rinsed out her mouth and walked out of the bathroom he was staring at her with a smirk on his face.

"Morning sickness must suck." he teased.

"Shut up." she muttered as she looked over his chart "You will not breathe a word of this or else!"

"Or else what?" he grinned.

"Joe are you about ready to…" they heard a voice entering the room and both looked up as it trailed off, she looked up immediately and melted in his warm blue eyes. He started to smile at her but turned back to Joe who wasn't missing a thing "Are you ready to go Joe?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." he said "Looks like a good day to die anyway."

"Right." Derek chuckled "Well we'll be bringing you back."

"I'm ready then."

"I'll go let the surgical nurses know then." Derek nodded, he gave Meredith another glance before leaving the room.

"Seriously?" Joe raised his brow "The neuro God?"

"Shut up." she muttered again.

"Don't try to deny it, I saw all that sexual tension in the room." he smirked.

"Yeah well you should be more worried about all the hostile tension going on in the OR."

"Why?" he asked "What do you know?"

"Cristina, your intern?" she said, he nodded "She was dating Dr. Mason the cardio-thoracic surgeon who will be stopping your heart. But then he decided to go back to his wife that Cristina had no idea of."

"Ouch!" he cringed "Should I reschedule?"

"No," she smiled "Dr. Shepherd has you in good hands."

"Is your baby daddy in a good mood?" he asked.

"Joe." she said through her teeth.

"I won't say a word." he said "Your secret is safe with me… well at least for the next four months."

"Four months?"

"When you start showing of course."

"I won't show until at least six." she frowned "The little girls always show the latest."

"Right." Joe laughed "And just where exactly are you going to put it?"

"Crap." she muttered.

"He's right." she heard in the door way and cringed when she heard Cristina walk in "And I'm assuming you're going against my advice?"

"I'm going to go watch from the gallery." Meredith said "I'll see you after surgery Joe!"

She turned and walked out of the room feeling uneasy. She stopped at the vending machine and grabbed some crackers before heading up to the gallery. It wasn't too full and she saw George and Izzie sitting down so she sat between them.

"Did you bring snacks to come to watch Joe die?" George asked.

"He's not dying George." Meredith said "They're bringing him back…and it's crackers, not a box of movie mints."

"I thought you were sick?" Izzie asked.

"I am, but I'm getting better." she mumbled as she munched on a cracker "I don't think it's the 12 hour flu. More like the two week one or something."

"Well don't give it to us!" George said

"You've already had a form of it, you won't get it." she said "And Izzie is so pumped full of antibiotics she won't catch anything."

"True." Izzie said. "So what were you and Cristina whispering about?"

"What?"

"You and Cristina were whispering?" George frowned "There's something wrong with the world if you and Cristina have a secret that we're out on…spill."

"We don't have a secret." Meredith gulped "No secrets with us."

"Yeah you do." Izzie laughed "She kept telling you to get rid of something."

"Oh don't tell me you have the syph too." George rolled his eyes "Are you sleeping around on your cyber boy?"

"Poor cyber boy." Izzie giggled.

"Yeah." Meredith giggled half heartedly and relieved to have an out of the conversation "You caught me, I'm a dirty, dirty whore and I have syphilis."

"Well no wonder you're so sick then!" Izzie said "Those antibiotics made me sick to my stomach too. Don't worry it'll get better after a while."

"Yeah." Meredith said just above a whisper "After a while."


	35. Chapter 35

Meredith had been having a hellish few days at work, it seemed she couldn't get a break. She couldn't remember the last time she'd really left the hospital other than to go to Joe's. Her baby sickness wasn't easing any either. She was in the room behind the nurses station doing research for a patient when she heard the door close and someone shut the blinds quickly. She turned already knowing who it was.

"Are you insane?" she hissed. "What if someone saw you come in here!"

"The coast was clear, I checked four times." he grinned.

"Well what do you want, I'm working." she snapped.

"Wow those hormones don't take long to set in do they?" he frowned.

"That was bitchy, I'm sorry." she sighed.

"You didn't come over last night."

"I was on call." she said "I just stayed here."

"You know you could have come over anyway. You can come over tonight."

"Derek seriously." she groaned "I'm barely able to function at work, I don't think sex is a good idea right now."

"I wasn't talking about sex." he frowned "I want just want to let you rest, and pamper the mother of my child a little."

"I'd rather just spare you the-" she trailed off when she started to gag, Derek was quick and grabbed the wastebasket and held it under her mouth just in the nick of time. He had a tissue ready for her when she was done, she wiped her mouth and looked up at him with weary eyes "Thank you."

"So will you take me up on my offer?"

"I'm an intern…I'm lucky if I get a night off."

"You're not scheduled." he pointed out.

"You were an intern once Derek, you know how it goes."

"Will you please try to take it off tonight?" he sighed "For me?" she stared up at him incredulously "For the baby?"

"Ugh!" she groaned "And it starts."

"What starts?"

"The kid is just a ball of cells making me sick right now and you're already using it against me."

"So does that mean I win?"

"I'll see what I can do." she said, he tightened his lips "Fine! I'll do everything in my power to get the damn night off!"

"Thank you." he smiled, his pager went off and he looked at it and frowned.

"Work?"

"Worse." he groaned "It's Addison."

"My mother is trying to set you two up by the way."

"I know." he sighed.

"You should go along with it."

"What!" he mumbled, rocking back on his heels.

"I think you should go out with Addison."

"Have those hormones caused you to lose your mind!"

"It'll take the pressure off Derek!" she pleaded "Once the baby starts growing everyone, especially my mother will be looking to see who I might even have the slightest connection with, she'll start looking for someone to pin. And if you're so called with someone she might look past you."

"So you want me to falsely lead Addison along?"

"Well, yeah!"

"Meredith that's cruel." he grimaced "And I won't do that!"

"You have to." she said sternly as she stood up, then smirked a little as she rubbed her stomach "For the baby."

He narrowed his eyes at her as she started to leave the room.

"That is so not fair!"


	36. Chapter 36

Derek had started out the day avoiding Addison but now he was avoiding Meredith too. All she seemed to want to talk about was how he could flirt with Addison and how to ask her out. He already had the love of his life, and she was carrying his child, he was done as far as he was concerned. Not to mention how wrong it would be.

His luck ran out however that afternoon when he was taking the elevator down to the lab, it stopped on the floor below where he'd gotten on and the doors opened. He felt his throat tighten a little when the red head smiled at him and boarded, leaving them the only two on the elevator.

"Dr. Shepherd." she smiled as the doors closed "How is your day going?"

"Just peachy." he sighed.

"That bad huh?"

"You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

"Try me."

He stalled for a moment before he shrugged and reached forward for the emergency stop button. She gulped and looked at him nervously as he turned to face her.

"Addison." he said "You're a very nice and beautiful woman, and any guy would be lucky to have you. But I can't be that guy. I'm in a secret relationship with Meredith Grey. I love her but if her mother found out about us it would be the end of life as we know it. I don't know why I just told you that but I did, and she's pregnant and needs help. I can't help her here."

Addison's mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally swallowed to digest everything.

"Wow, yeah." she frowned and nodded "It's no wonder, her mother is a nightmare."

"Freddy Kruger nightmare." Derek agreed.

"So really," she frowned "You and Meredith? It makes sense now why your eyes always kind of follow her around."

"Is it that noticeable?"

"Only to those that pay attention." she smiled.

"Look I'm sorry if I offended you." he said "I just didn't want to lead you on like Meredith suggested."

"She suggested you lead me on?"

"Yeah," he nodded "to take the pressure off us once she starts to show."

"Oh." she nodded "That's pretty smart of her actually…oh and don't worry, you didn't offend me. I wasn't really interested in dating you anyway Derek."

"Really?" he asked looking and feeling surprised. "Are you more into the bad boy type?"

"No." she smirked "More like the bad girl type."

"Huh?" he frowned.

"I'm gay Derek." she said "I only flirted with you because I'm kind of running under the radar about it."

"Why?" he frowned "It's almost common these days, no one stays in the closet."

"I only do it for business." she said "No one wants a gay woman looking at their vagina."

"Oh!" Derek said raising his brow "That makes a lot of sense."

"And no I didn't go into obstetrics so I could look at them all day. I have a genuine passion for women's health. I don't think that way when I'm down there…I'm a very professional doctor."

"Speaking of obstetrics."

"How far along is she?"

"I don't know." he said "We just found out this week when she thought she had the flu."

"Probably around six to eight weeks." she nodded "She needs to come see me soon and get some prenatal vitamins."

"She can't keep anything down."

"Give her something with ginger in it, it helps with the nausea." she suggested "And if it gets too bad a vitamin b12 shot."

"Got it." he nodded "But what about here at work."

"I'll help you look after her Derek." she smiled "Your secret is safe with me."

"Yours is with me too." he smiled.

"Derek." she giggled "Did we just become best friends?"

"Yeah." he frowned "I think we just did."


	37. Chapter 37

Meredith was starting to think Derek's bit of advice sounded good by the end of the day. She didn't know how she was still moving but she was. Her body was aching for rest, her stomach was sore from throwing up all the time and she was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. She had one more patient to check on and she was done. She grabbed the chart from the nurses station and headed down the hallway.

"Meredith!" she heard in a voice she always dreaded.

She gulped and turned around to see her mother coming towards her pulling her purse over her shoulder, she was actually leaving the place. Addison and Derek were trailing behind her as if she were giving them instructions.

"Yes?" she said in the perkiest voice she could muster.

"I need you to watch one of my patients for me tonight." she said.

"What?" Meredith mumbled in disbelief that she was actually asking her to do something but also strain that she would have to work more. "But I've been here almost 48 hours as it is!"

"And?" Ellis sneered "When I was an intern I worked week long shifts!"

"But." Meredith mumbled, trying not to let her voice break.

"Dr. Grey." Derek said "Perhaps you should ask someone else, someone who would be of better use."

"No." she said "I want Meredith to do it, she needs to buck up, she's being too lazy. Consider it weight lifting, you don't get stronger by sitting around doing nothing."

"Lazy?" Meredith gritted through her teeth "Nothing!"

"Anyways," Ellis said ignoring her stress "the patient is in critical condition in the NICU and I want him alive when I get back in the morning." Meredith gulped, Ellis narrowed her eyes "If he's not it's your ass!"

Meredith felt tears in her eyes as she saw no way out of it and Ellis's threats. Addison and Derek seemed to share a glance and Addison stepped forward.

"Come on Meredith, I'll show you." she said calmly.

Meredith could barely nod but followed Addison and could hear Ellis snicker as she walked off. Addison went around the corner and past the NICU to an office with a large oak desk. She walked in and flipped the light on, Meredith walked in and she closed the door behind her then walked around the desk and opened a drawer. Meredith watched with tired curiosity as she dug through it and then pulled out a small white paper bag and set it on the desk then slid it towards her as well as a box of tissues. She just then realized that she was crying and looked at Addison confused but grateful.

"Thank you." she sniffled and wiped her eyes. "What's in the bag?"

"Pre-natal vitamins." Addison smiled. "Take them daily on a full stomach."

Meredith's spine stiffened as she looked at Addison with horror.

"You know!" she gasped "How do you know?"

"Meredith." Addison smiled "I'm an OB/GYN, I can tell by a look in a woman's eyes."

"Oh." she said a little relieved "Do you think anyone else does?"

"If by anyone else you mean your monster of mother? No." she said "And I don't think anyone else is the wiser either…not yet anyway." she looked at Meredith with a slight look of concern "You need prenatal care."

"I know." she gulped "It's just been such a shock."

"This was unplanned then?" Addison asked, not wanting to give away the fact that she already knew about it.

"Very." she nodded "I wasn't sure I was going to keep it, but well the guy is going to be there."

"Good." she smiled "Would you mind if we did a little appointment now?"

"I guess." she sighed "I could use a minute to lie down."

Addison smiled and led her out of the office and down and across the hall to an empty exam room. Meredith put on a gown and climbed up on the table, Addison started palpitating and examining her. She smiled when she was done.

"Everything looks good, and you have nice birthing bones." she said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means you should do fine in delivery." she said "Of course that's not saying you have a ten or eleven pound baby."

"Oh god." Meredith groaned.

"When was your last menstrual period?"

"Um, I can't remember." she frowned "September 15th maybe?"

"Let's do an ultrasound." she said. Meredith nodded as Addison rolled the machine over and then squirted some jelly on her stomach. She started rolling the wand around across her abdomen, then froze the screen and pointed to something. "See that little peanut shaped dot?"

"Yeah." Meredith said.

"That's your baby." Addison smiled "I'd say you're about nine weeks along, which puts your due date around June 20th,, heart rate is 156 which is very strong."

"That's my baby." she said in awe as she looked through her tears at the screen, Addison nodded "My little flu bug."

"That's got a nice ring to it." Addison giggled "But I think it might get teased in school for it."

Meredith giggled and wiped her tears away, Addison reached down and then handed her two papers with the picture on it. Meredith looked up at her incredulously.

"One for you," she smiled "And one for the father…it sounds like he might want one."

"Yeah." Meredith nodded "He probably will."

"Look," Addison smiled "I know your mother is a nightmare, and I know you're probably not going to tell her for a while. But your health is important to me as a doctor, and we can do this discreetly. I won't tell anyone anything. So please, if you have any problems or questions come see me. I want you and your baby to be healthy."

"Ok." Meredith nodded "Thank you Addison."

"Not a problem." she smiled "Now I want you to be resting at every opportunity, as an intern it'll be hard but you need to. Your body is growing a human being and you need to treat it delicately."

"I'll try." she nodded.

"I'll let you get dressed, try to relax tonight. The best you can. There's a nice cushy rocking chair in the NICU that has your name on it."

Meredith nodded and waited for Addison to leave the room. She sat up on the edge of the table staring at the little figure in the picture and felt tears well in her eyes. But this time not of fear or stress or fatigue…tears of joy.


	38. Chapter 38

Ellis' patient was a gastroschisis patient, meaning the baby boy had a hole in his abdomen in utero and his intestines had grown outside his body. As if it wasn't hard enough to see, being pregnant didn't help. He was also on a ventilator for breathing issues, but other than a few apnea moments he did ok. She wondered if her mother was trying to make her life hell as usual.

She took Addison's orders seriously and sat in the rocking chair next to the isolate except for the trips to the bathroom. If she didn't have to pee so often it was her nausea which kicked in full blast around midnight. She tried to get a little rest and dozed off in the rocking chair around one in the morning and got a little sleep before she felt someone nudging her awake.

"Meredith?" he whispered. Her eyes flew open and she gasped.

"Crap!" she hissed "I fell asleep!"

"You needed it." he smiled. She looked around the NICU nervously.

"What are you doing?" she whispered "What if someone sees you."

"I'm an attending." he frowned "Its expected of me to talk to interns every now and then." she looked at him incredulously "There's only a few night nurses on tonight and they're both across the hall at the moment."

"Ok." she breathed, he held up a brown paper bag "What's that."

"Water and nutrition, keeping something in your stomach might help the nausea."

"I can't keep anything down." she groaned "But thanks."

"Well maybe you just haven't found the right thing to consume yet."

"Maybe not." she sighed.

"Are you feeling sick right now?" he asked.

"No." she frowned. "Why?"

Derek did a quick scan around the room and at the closed door then leaned over her and quickly crushed his lips against hers, she gasped as her breath was taken away and for a second didn't care if anyone saw them, and that it felt damn good to feel his lips against hers again. The kiss didn't last long enough but in a way it was a good thing, he smirked down at her as he looked around to make sure they didn't get caught.

"Thank you." she mumbled through a smile "I needed that."

"Me too." he said "I miss you."

"I have something for you." she said as she pulled something out of her lab coat pocket "Here."

He looked at the paper she handed him, studying it for a second and then his face lit up with a bright grin spreading across his face, she could have sworn she almost saw a tear in his eye. He slipped it into his pocket and smiled down at her.

"Thank you." he smiled.

"You are not to show that to a soul you hear me!" she said through her teeth and then smiled "And you're welcome."

"I'll keep it in a safe place, I promise."

"Ok." she nodded.

They heard the door open and glanced over to see a nurse had walked in but she paid no attention to them. Derek flashed her a sullen smile before walking out of the room. Meredith dug through the bag that Derek had given her and looked for something to munch on. Then got up out of the chair and gave her little patient some medicine that was due. She looked into the isolate at the tiny person with tubes and wires going everywhere, she sighed.

"It must be hard starting out life with so many obstacles and loops to hurdle through, I know how you feel." she mumbled "But I guarantee that if you pull through this you'll be one of the strongest kids in your class."

She got no response from the baby other than him moving his fingers into a tiny fist. She smiled as she looked down at him and thought about the baby inside of her. She hoped that it would be healthy and she swore to herself that she wouldn't anything like her mother was to her.

She managed to stay awake until five o'clock which is when Ellis returned, finding her standing next to the isolate filling out a repost in the chart. She walked up quietly and looked down at the patient. Meredith jumped a little when she saw her standing there.

"He's alive." Ellis said "Imagine that."

"He did well all night." Meredith said "I think he'll do ok in surgery."

"I think so too." Ellis said, she glanced at Meredith and then sighed "Meredith go home."

"Huh?" she asked a little stunned.

"You look like crap." she said "Go home and get some rest."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked with a dropped jaw.

"Before I change my mind!" Ellis said raising her brow.

"Got it." Meredith nodded "Going now."

She didn't know what got into her mother and why on earth she seemed so calm but she wasn't going to question it further. She paid a short visit to the locker room to change before heading home for some much needed rest.


	39. Chapter 39

Meredith went home and crashed, to say the least, maybe going comatose would be a better description. She was still exhausted when she felt someone climb into bed with her and recognized the body heat and shape of arms immediately. She let her half awake sense of smell absorb his scent and spooned into him. She felt his lips kiss against the skin in the crook of her neck.

Ah, how much she needed this. Just being able to cuddle alone with him after such a stressful week and a long shift. It felt so good to be alone with him in the trailer, in his bed…..wait, she went to her house! Her eyes flew open at the thought and sure enough, she recognized the walls and furniture of her room. She gasped and sat up quickly, whipping her torso around to see Derek peering up at her with groggy eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here!" she panicked and looked around "If George and Izzie saw you!"

"They didn't see me." he scoffed "Really Meredith how can you think I could be so careless?"

"Um let's see." she muttered "I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant with my secret lovers baby…"

"Ok _that_ may have been careless." he replied "but it's not like you stopped me those few times we forgot and said hey you're not wearing a condom."

"I was caught up in the moment!" she hissed. "But it's too late and ridiculous to argue over now…You have to go!"

"George and Izzie are in the middle of surgeries right now." he sighed "They won't even be out of the OR for hours and we'll be rested up by then… please just let me hold you."

Meredith wanted to argue but she neither had the energy or desire, fact is that she wanted to be held by him too. She sighed heavily and laid back down and let him wrap his arms back around her.

"Fine, but you need to be gone in a couple hours."

"I will." he assured her "I just want to be with you for a while, and rest."

"Rest." she agreed and closed her eyes "By the way Derek."

"Yeah?"

"Those gingersnap cookies are a god send!" she moaned, her stomach finally satisfied with something.

"Good." he mumbled and kissed her temple lightly.

Meredith closed her eyes and tried to rest but in turn was feeling very restless… her stomach was feeling a lot better and her little cat nap gave her a little more energy. She was feeling the effects of some of the more dormant pregnancy hormones starting to kick in and feeling Derek's hot breath radiating across her neck was only amplifying it.

"Derek." she mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"You're sure Izzie and George won't be here for a while."

"Yes." he said "They'll be gone for hours, leaving us alone to rest."

"Or not rest." she mumbled as she turned in his arms.

He peeled his eyes open just as she crushed her lips against his and plunged her tongue into his mouth searching for it's playmate. He groaned at first but then gently pushed her back to look into her eyes with slight concern.

"Meredith." he panted "We should wait, you need rest."

"I had rest." she said "Now I want sex."

"It's probably not the best idea right now."

"Seriously Derek," she grimaced "I know you're a brain surgeon but you know as well as I do that it's safe."

"You've been sick and you're exhausted."

"I'm feeling fine." she said through her teeth "I'm pregnant and horny, so fuck me now!"

Derek opened his mouth to argue but her mouth covered it, her hand immediately went for the goods and she wrapped her palm around the bulge already growing inside his boxers and he groaned as she groped and massaged it. From there on he was game, he couldn't muster enough strength to pull away now. His hands ran up the inside of her shirt and he cupped his hand around her breasts, rubbing and flicking her hard alert nipples, another nice effect from pregnancy.

She moaned and lifted her arms so he could remove his shirt, his lips trailed down her neck and chest, making their way down to her large much fuller breasts. He would never have complained before but he definitely was happy with their new improvements. She gasped as his tongue swirled around her sensitive buds, her fingers weaved into his hair as she felt her body react with an intensity she'd not experienced before. His fingers traced down her still flat stomach and he slipped them down the front of her lace panties to find her dripping wet, he groaned as he plunged a finger inside of her.

She called out to him as he pumped it inside of her and then caressed her folds with his wet finger. Her thighs trembled with anticipation and she yanked his boxers off of his hips and began stroking his hard erection, he groaned at the gesture and felt the need to be inside of her to be almost painful.

"Now Derek!" she demanded.

He didn't waste any time and pulled her hips into his and slid inside of her, she screamed with the pleasure it brought to her and he felt her hot tight wet muscles wrap around him. He took a few breaths to pace himself in order to make it last seeing as how he was already so close, he wanted to please her too. He thrust slowly back and forth inside of her and slung her legs around him as he twisted them both to where he knelt in front of her and pulled her to where her hips were arched to meet his strong thrusts.

She looked up at him with a glazed over look of pleasure in her eyes and she moaned and thrashed her head back and forth with each pump. She dug her fingertips into his thighs and felt as the muscles contracted and relaxed with each movement that brought them closer. He felt her muscles start clamping down around him and had to fight not to lose it as she started to shake and call his name so loudly the walls seemed to be shaking. She dug her fingers deeper into his thighs and hips as her chest arched off the bed, her fluid splashed around him as a warm wave of ecstasy and he let go, letting his hot see spill into her and wash around her warm tight cavity.

They relaxed into each other and he pulled her into him as he laid behind her, both of them panting to catch their breath. He held her tightly and his hand fell against her lower abdomen, hoping the baby didn't mind the little 'shake up' it just experienced.

"Wow." she whispered after catching her breath "I know what they say about it feeling better when you're pregnant but…"

"Was it good then?" he grinned at his accomplishment.

"Oh my god!" she moaned.

He chuckled to himself as he buried his nose into the crook of her neck, kissing her softly and taking in her sweet scent.

"That was amazing for me too." Derek whispered "But can we rest now?"

"Yes." she giggled and closed her eyes "Remember to get up before they get home."

"I will." he said already half asleep.

They both dozed off after that, both feeling the effects of long shifts and their recent activities wearing them down. The stress of their situation seemed to have taken more out of them than either thought and they were more tired than they'd expected. Derek was the one to hear a thudding noise that stirred him barely awake. He thought it was a dream at first but he kept hearing it and creased his eyes open.

The room was dark, he must have at some point gone to his trailer. It was hard to tell, the thudding noise sounded again but came as a knock. He grumbled to himself something about not catching a break, he absent mindedly fished for his boxers and slipped them up as he stood up and stumbled to the door while rubbing his eyes.

"Hey!" he heard an unfamiliar voice call through the door "You in there!"

He rubbed his eyes as he tried to adjust them to the lack of light in the room and groped for the doorknob. He flung it open without thinking and realized with shock that he definitely wasn't in his trailer. The hallway was lit up and in front of him was a tall blonde looking him up and down with a dropped open jaw. He sucked in a sharp breath and gulped hard.

"Oops."


	40. Chapter 40

"Dr. Shepherd!" Izzie choked out as she looked him up and down over and over, standing in Meredith's bedroom wearing boxers, she saw him but was having a hard time still making herself believe it.

"I….uhm." he stuttered, staring back with a deer in the headlights look.

They both opened their mouths, unsure of how to react. They heard a choking sound and reacted slowly, unable to break their stare. Meredith suddenly brushed past them, giving them a panicked glance, but her hand was clasped tightly over her mouth and she was hurrying across the hall towards the bathroom. Derek hurried after her and Izzie scuffled, still in disbelief.

"What." she stuttered and gasped as she saw Meredith hunch over the toilet and throw up, Derek was right behind her holding her hair back "What is going on!"

They ignored her for the moment. George heard a panicked commotion and came down the hall and into the bathroom with a look of just as much shock plastered onto his face.

"What…" George trailed and glanced at Izzie "What is he doing here?" he looked at Derek "What are you doing here! And what's wrong with Meredith?"

"Gingersnaps!" Meredith growled out, Derek wanted to stay with her but he needed to get them so he left her and hurried out of the bathroom, Izzie and George looked as she threw up again.

"Meredith!" Izzie gasped with concern "What's going on, what's wrong with you?"

"And what's with Shepherd making a house call in his underwear!" George remarked.

Just then Derek rushed back into the room with a bag, he handed Meredith a gingersnap cookie and she stuck it in her mouth and started chewing on it immediately. He went to the sink and wet down a cloth and filled a glass, he walked over to her and handed her the cup. She looked up at him gratefully as he crouched down in front of her and started lightly dabbing her face with the cloth. George and Izzie were almost softened by the sight, he obviously seemed to care a great deal about her, but it still left them wondering why?

"Meredith?" Izzie mumbled.

She glanced at them and then back at Derek and gulped. She wasn't sure how it happened and what the details were, all she knew was that Derek was supposed to leave and she fell into a coma until her stomach woke her up. There was no point in getting upset about it at the moment, frankly she didn't have the energy but she needed to manage it.

"Can you grab me some pants." she croaked out to him, realizing she was only in a long t-shirt "Fourth drawer in my dresser."

"Sure." he said softly, kissing her on the forehead.

He knew she wanted some alone time, he turned and glanced warily at the two before leaving the room. Meredith leaned her body against the wall and stared with tired sick eyes at the two curious faces trying to assess the situation with their minds. She let out a light sigh as she thought about what to do, what to say, lie or not to lie….maybe it was better to just rip off the bandage, at least that's all she could think to do.

"What you're probably thinking is correct."

"And what are we thinking?" George asked "That you're shacking up with Shepherd?"

"Yes." she said.

"Meredith!" Izzie gasped "You really feel the need to do that for your career! Is your mother _that_ bad?"

"Ok maybe it's not what you're thinking." Meredith mumbled.

"Then by all means." George crossed his arms "Clear it all up!"

"Yeah," Izzie frowned "last we checked you two hated each other!"

"We did." she said, she took a long deep breath and let it out slowly "We hated each other from the start, and then we became friends on a common thread that we're both children of a powerful pain in the ass medical celebrity. And then I went to meet Dash, my online admirer, and it was him. Derek was dash109." their jaws propped open "And we fell in love, and I know I didn't tell you, I didn't tell anyone. If my mother found out…" she trailed off as a wave of nausea hit her again, she popped another cookie in her mouth "And if you tell a single soul I swear to whoever that I will slit your throats! I know where you sleep and I have access to scalpels!"

"We won't tell anyone." Izzie shook her head "Meredith you could have told us."

"Yeah," George nodded "I know you think we like to talk, and that we absorb gossip like it's oxygen, and truth is we do…"

"George." Izzie hissed.

"My point is that we care about you Meredith, you're our friend." he said "And this would hurt you, so we won't say anything."

"Ok." Meredith gulped "Thank you."

"Ok." George nodded.

"So that explains a lot." Izzie let out a dry giggle, then frowned "But why are you sick?"

"Oh, I don't have syphilis or the flu." she mumbled "I'm pregnant."


	41. Chapter 41

"You don't have to stay here tonight." Meredith said as she watched Derek walk back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom and back that morning while getting ready for work. "You're not obligated."

"I know." he mumbled as he walked in while brushing his teeth "I want to be here."

"Ok." she smiled up at him "But I'm just saying…you don't have to be here."

"Do you not want me here?" he frowned.

"I didn't say that." she said "But you've been here almost every night, and you're great and taking care of me. But that's got to get tiring."

"I like taking care of you." he called out to her while rinsing out his mouth "And besides your roommates don't seem to mind."

"Speaking of which I'm still very pissed about that!"

"It's fine. He shrugged "They've known for a while now and they haven't said or gestured anything." he kissed the top of her head, she fought a smile "Have you thought about when you'll be telling your boss?"

"If by boss you mean my mother…no!" she grimaced

"She'll find out soon enough."

"She'll know when I show and that'll be all she knows." she growled "And you-"

"Won't say a thing." he sighed "I know."

Meredith rolled her eyes and followed him down the stairs to the kitchen where they heard George and Izzie talking. She sat at the table as Derek walked to the cabinet and pulled out a bowl and box of cereal.

"I just can't get it right." Izzie mumbled "Something is missing."

"They're good Izzie." George said with a mouthful "Martha Stewart would be proud!" George glanced over at the table "Meredith you've gotta try Izzie's cupcakes."

"It's bad enough I can't think of the missing ingredient George." Izzie said "I don't need to see the regurgitated version of them."

"I'm fine." Meredith sighed "I haven't been sick all week, but I don't want a cupcake for breakfast thanks."

"Dr. Shepherd?" George offered.

"No thanks." he turned up his nose.

"You're like some kind of health nut aren't you?" he mumbled through another bite "Are you turning Meredith and your baby into one too?"

"What?" Derek frowned "I'm not a health nut."

"Sure you are." George argued "You eat muesli every morning, you walk around all chipper and happy."

"I don't eat muesli every morning."

"Every morning for the past month you have." Izzie mentioned. Derek thought about it and scrunched up his nose.

"Have I been here that long?" he whispered to Meredith, she smiled.

"See." she giggled "Even they think it's weird."

"Well, I mean it's not like you guys are married or anything, so it is kind of weird." Izzie said "You're just having a baby, don't want to suffocate us."

"And by us she means her." George said "If Meredith wants him here it's her business."

They all looked at her as if waiting for her to answer, she rolled her eyes and got up and grabbed a bowl. She sat down at the table and poured a bowl of cereal.

"Yes, I want him here." she said "I'm not becoming a health nut I just crave this cardboard shit. And he doesn't have to be here if he doesn't want to. Like Izzie said, we're not married."

Derek chewed on a bite of cereal and started at her a long moment, she glanced up at him as he twiddled the spoon in his hand and finally he smiled at her.

"We could be married."


	42. Chapter 42

"Meredith!" she heard her name called from a room as she was hurrying down the hallway that morning, she stopped and turned see her mother "Meredith come here and help me!"

"What do you need?" Meredith asked while walking into the room.

"I need to turn this patient." she grunted as she was trying to roll a very large patient in a better position to do a chest tube. "Please help me."

Meredith started to help but she remembered that it would be a very bad idea for her in her condition.

"I…" she stuttered "I can't."

"What!" Ellis hissed "Of course you can! Now come help me!"

"This is a nurses job anyway." Meredith argued "Why haven't you called one."

"I did but they're all morons!" she growled "Now, help me!"

Meredith panicked, she wasn't ready to reveal to her mother just why she couldn't help her lift a probably 300 pound patient, she saw someone walking by the door and felt relief.

"George!" Meredith gasped, he stopped and turned into the doorway "George, please help Dr. Grey lift the patient."

"No!" Ellis hissed "Meredith I asked you to help me, now you help me!"

"George would be of better help, let him help you." Meredith stuttered, George nodded and started to walk over to the bed.

"Dr. O'Malley if you touch that patient I'll have you cleaning up emesis basins for a week!" Ellis hissed "Meredith stop being lazy and help me!"

"I can't!" Meredith muttered.

"And why the hell not!" Ellis demanded.

Meredith stared at her choking over her own words…I_'m pregnant. That's right, I'm pregnant. And Dr. Shepherd is the father. I'm knocked up with an attending's baby._ Why was that so hard to say?

"Meredith has a hernia." George blurted out, both Meredith and Ellis snapped their heads over to him as he shifted a little uncomfortably "I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to say anything. She didn't want anyone to know because she doesn't want to take any time off work. I keep telling her to get it treated but she won't listen. That's why she can't help you lift the patient Dr. Grey. So please let me help you so she doesn't make it worse than it already is."

"Oh." Ellis mumbled after a long silence "Well Meredith, why didn't you say so!"

"I um…" Meredith stuttered "I didn't want anyone to know?"

Ellis nodded and she and George moved the patient so she could start a chest tube. Meredith turned to walk out of the room and George shortly followed.

"Thank you George." She breathed "I owe you!"

"It was lame," he sighed "I'm sorry it was all I could think of."

"No it was really good." she giggled "It was better than telling her the truth."

"Yeah well lets hope she doesn't make you have surgery for it." he mumbled. She rolled her eyes "So have you seen Shepherd this morning?"

"Not since I ran out of the house after breakfast." she said.

"So you're still freaking out about the marriage thing?"

"Pretty much!" she said "Who does that anyway? I mean we've only known each other for a few months. We can't get married!"

"You're having a baby." George pointed out "Not to say you have to necessarily get married, but if you think getting married is moving too fast just remember you've got his spawn inside of you right now."

"Yeah, but people can't always help having a baby." She said "They can always help getting married."

"Unless you're drunk and in Vegas." George said "You can't really help that."

"True."

"Meredith let me ask you something." he said, stopping her around a corner "You say you love him, and he obviously adores you. If you can imagine your life without him then why are you with him? And if you can't imagine your life without him, then why not? And do me a favor, don't use the baby as an excuse for anything."

Meredith just stared at him for a moment thinking about what he said.

"Oh and by the way, something's wrong with Izzie."

"What?" Meredith asked, thankful for a different conversation "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, but she keeps disappearing and not talking."

"Not talking?" Meredith raised her brow "Something really is wrong."

"Exactly." George said "After work will you help me corner her and get it out?"

"George, I'm really not good with touchy feely." Meredith groaned "And I barely have the energy to drive home after work."

"You owe me." George smirked. She glared at him but realized he was right.

"Fine."


	43. Chapter 43

Meredith managed to avoid Derek all day long and his question or mention anyway along with him. She didn't really want to go home and drill Izzie but she did in fact owe George. She walked in the house that evening, the lights were on but she didn't hear anything. George's car was already in the driveway and she was sure that they'd be talking already.

"George?" she called out as she climbed the stairs "George are you in here!"

She didn't hear him respond and frowned as she passed his room and finally saw him when she glanced in Izzie's room. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, his shoulders slumped. Her bed was naked, empty, no blankets or sheets on it. The closet doors in her room were open showing nothing in it. She walked in a few steps and looked around to see all her stuff gone.

"She's gone." George confirmed, holding up a small piece of paper "All she left was a note."

"What." Meredith gasped "What does it say?"

"She said that her mom needs her and that she needed to get out of the big city." he said.

"So she just up and leaves!" Meredith muttered in disbelief.

"Yeah." George sighed "She didn't even say goodbye."

"She could have given us some kind of warning!" Meredith muttered, she felt her anger level rising.

"I can't believe that she didn't even tell her best friend."

"How can she leave us hanging like this!"

"I don't know." George shrugged "I guess we didn't mean as much to her as I thought we did."

"Yeah." Meredith said, her voice suddenly broke and she gasped "I guess not."

"Meredith?" George looked up with concern to see she was starting to cry "Are you ok?"

"Ye..ye…yeah." Meredith sobbed and shook her head "I'm fine."

"You're crying."

"No I'm…No..no I'm no." she stuttered as the sobs overtook her voice "I'm not!"

"You are." he said almost amused and stood up "I thought you were mostly annoyed with Izzie anyway?"

"I w..w..w..was." she sobbed. She shook her head at the ridiculousness of it "Jesus!"

"Calm down Mer." George frowned with concern "Breathe!"

"I..I'm..I'm…I'm…" she sobbed and gasped "Trying!" she sobbed again "Stupid…stupid…hor…"

"Stupid hormones?" George asked.

"Yes!" she cried. She started shaking and gasping, George started to get worried and reached out and touched her arm. She almost collapsed into herself as she started to sob violently but her eyes held panic as she couldn't seem to stop herself. "Make it stop!"

"I'm trying!" George panicked as well.

They heard footsteps hurry up the stairs and they looked up as Derek rushed through the door, seeing Meredith sobbing to the point she might make herself sick.

"What's wrong!" He asked with concern, then glared at George "What did you do to her!"

"I didn't do anything!" George defended "Izzie left without a word and she was ripping her about it and then she just started sobbing!"

"What?" Derek frowned "Izzie left…but Meredith doesn't really like Izzie."

"I know!" George said "It's her stupid hormones!"

"Don't call her hormones stupid!"

"Shut up!" Meredith cried out, they both looked up at her startled "Make it stop!"

Derek reached out for her but George gasped and held him back.

"Don't!" he warned "That makes it worse!"

"Someone sedate me!" Meredith hissed through her tears.

"No one is going to sedate you." Derek said.

"I will." George said desperately, Derek gave him a dirty look.

"Screw it." he mumbled and stepped forward and swallowed her in his arms. She started to sob harder so he scooped her up and carried her into her bedroom and sat on the end of the bed holding her. "Shhh it'll be ok."

"Derek?" she squeaked out.

"Yes?"

"When is the baby due?"

"June 20th." he said softly.

"And how far away is that?" she sobbed.

"Five months." he said, she gasped and sobbed a few times and sniffled.

"This sucks!"


	44. Chapter 44

It was an hour before Meredith's tears finally stopped falling and her sobs quieted. Her and Derek both laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling in silence for a while. When he felt she had calmed down he wanted to know what really was bothering her…

"So was Izzy leaving really what had you so upset?" he asked.

"Yes." she gulped "And no."

"Yes and no?" he asked. She let out a soft sigh.

"I was angry that she left without a word." she explained "But then I was relieved. I have an extra bedroom now, and I thought I could turn it into a nursery. And then it all hit me at once, oh my god I'm going to be a mom!" he turned his head to look at her as she took a deep breath "And then I freaked out, what if I'm a bad mom. What if I screw the kid up like my mom screwed me up. Or what if I'm a really good mom, and I give the kid the kind of childhood that I always wanted. And it all just hit me and it just felt so…"

"Overwhelming?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Meredith." he said her name like velvet and took one of her hands into his "You're going to be a good mom. And the baby will be lucky, and you won't be alone. We're doing this together." she turned and looked into his eyes, he smiled "You can lean on me."

She gulped and stared at him for a long moment.

"You really think we should get married?"

"I think it feels right." he said "Not because of the baby, but because I love you. Because you were like coming up for air, it's like I was drowning and you saved me…and that's all I know."

"That's good enough." she whispered and leaned in to tenderly kiss him. "But we have to keep it low key…no rings, ignore each other at work, get married in the middle of night kind of thing."

"We're getting married?" he grinned. She gulped.

"Yeah." she nodded "We're getting married."

"Can I do one thing?"

"Sure." she said, not thinking. Then he sat up and pulled her up with him, he scooted her to the edge of the bed as he knelt down, she realized it and gasped "Oh god Derek please don't!"

"Meredith I have to."

"No, no, no!" she whined "Please, you're going to make me cry, and I seriously cannot go through THAT again!"

"I'll make it short and sweet."

"How about just short and a tiny bit sweet." she said "For my hormone's sake."

"Alright." he smiled.

"Meredith Grey." he smiled as he took her hand "I love you, and I promise to love you every day for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?"

"Yes." she smiled.

He quickly got off his knee before she started sprouting tears again and kissed her soundly.

"So when should we get married?" he asked.

"How about Friday, we both have the weekend off."

"Friday works." he said "Where?"

"You find someone to officiate, I'll find a secret place."

"Should we invite a few friends?" he asked, she narrowed her eyes.

"That would kind of defeat the purpose of getting married in secret Derek."

"I thought the secret was ok as long as your mother doesn't know."

"No friends please." she said "The less people that see me cry the better."

"You're really hating these hormones aren't you?"

"Like you wouldn't believe!"


	45. Chapter 45

"Hey." Derek said when he caught Meredith in the stairwell, she looked up and around them before smiling.

"Hey." she mumbled.

"Are you ready for our super secret sunset ceremony?" he whispered a chuckle.

"You've been practicing that haven't you?" she arched a brow.

"Maybe." he smiled.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." she sighed.

"Ok, but how are you really feeling?"

"Fine!" she said through her teeth and rolled her eyes "I'm fine ok!"

"She's not fine." They heard up the stairs and looked up to see Cristina coming down them. "She ripped her scrub pants this morning because she couldn't fit in them anymore and had to get a size bigger. She's been pissy and weepy over it all morning."

Meredith glared at Cristina. Derek looked softly at her and smiled, as he tried not to laugh.

"Is that what's really wrong?"

"Yes." she hissed "And don't tell me I look good, or that it's normal because it'll just piss me off even more. I'm getting fat no matter what the cause is!"

"You look beautiful." he smiled. She reached up and smacked his shoulder "Ouch!"

"She told you not to say anything." Cristina said "So what's your ceremony about?"

"How do you know about the ceremony?" Meredith frowned.

"Because, I'm Cristina. And I know everything." She smirked, Meredith stared at her "Ok I heard you talking about it."

"Meredith and I are getting married." Derek said in a low voice.

"Good." Cristina rolled her eyes "Now your baby won't be a total bastard."

Meredith and Derek both looked at her offended and incredulously.

"I just meant in technical terms." She shrugged "So where and when?"

"We're not having guests." Meredith shook her head "It's a secret."

"So why not just have secret guests!" Cristina scoffed. Meredith looked at her "God Meredith, it's not like you can hide that thing forever, it's already making you rip your pants."

"Shut up." Meredith glared.

"I expect an invitation by the end of the week." Cristina sighed as she skipped down the stairs.

Derek looked up and Meredith and smiled.

"You should have a friend there." he said, she gulped. "Did you really rip your pants?"

"I don't know which conversation I want to avoid having more." she said. Derek reached out and touched his hand against her stomach, and felt a definite swelling bump under his hand, when he looked up at her she was smiling "I guess she's right about me not hiding it for much longer."

"You almost seem happy about that." he furrowed his brow.

"Our baby is growing." she said "I don't want my mother to know, and I don't want anyone else to really either. But our baby is growing."

"Our baby is growing." he smiled, she smiled back and then sighed "I found a JP, I just need to know where to tell him to meet us."

Meredith smiled softly, "Where else?"


	46. Chapter 46

It was sunset and Meredith paced back and forth on the lawn wearing a knee length white dress. She kept staring at her phone in hand, wondering why he wasn't answering his phone and where the hell he was. She glanced around the hill where they first met. She'd laid candles in a stupid aisle and circular shape to symbolize and alter. Not that many people would see it, she thought it was stupid.

"Stupid, asshole, loser." she muttered to herself.

"Hey." she heard in a warm but out of breath voice.

"Where have you been!" she yelled "I've been trying to call you. And then I was here waiting and I decided to do build us an alter, but I don't build alters, I'm a surgeon. And so I did this cheesy stupid thing and now I feel like a lame ass loser and.." he cut her off with a kiss that made her moan.

"Meredith." he breathed "Let's get married."

"Ok." she whispered "Who did you get to marry us?"

Derek grinned and turned, she looked to the edge of the trail to see a woman grinning at her with a head full of black curls.

"Cristina!" Meredith hissed and then glared at Derek "I said no friends!"

"Technically she's not here as a friend. She's here to marry us."

"What?" Meredith frowned "But you're a surgeon, not a priest."

"The internet is a wonderful thing these days." Cristina grinned "Only took me thirty minutes."

"You became an ordained minister in thirty minutes?" Meredith raised her brow "That's scary."

"The really scary part is that I can bless my patients souls right before I slice them open." She said. Meredith rolled her eyes. "So are you guys wanting to get married or what?"

"Yes." they both nodded.

They all walked to the large tree and then Meredith and Derek turned to face each other and held hands as Cristina took out a small book and scanned over it.

"Ok so, Derek…do you take Meredith to be your wife?"

"I do." He smiled.

"Do you promise to love her, honor, cherish and protect her. And not look at another woman for the rest of your life or so help her she'll have the right to cut your balls off."

Derek looked a little disgruntled as he glanced at Cristina. She shrugged.

"I do." he said.

"Cool." she said "Meredith do you take Derek to be your husband?"

"Yes." Meredith said "I mean.. I do." Derek chuckled under his breath.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, forsake all other men and all that other crap?"

"Um." Meredith frowned "I do."

"Good." Cristina smiled "Rings?"

"Oh we don't have.." Meredith started to say but saw Derek pull something out of his shirt pocket and widened her eyes "I said no rings!"

"You can take it off when you're at work. You don't have to wear it at all. I just wanted to give it to you, because I love you….and it was my mothers."

Meredith gulped as she saw the beautiful ring he was pinching between his fingers.

"I didn't get you one." she mumbled.

"It's ok." he smiled. She sighed and then looked up and saw some fruit on the tree above their heads.

She smiled as an idea occurred to her and reached and picked a cherry from the limb. She plucked the cherry from the stem and stuck it in her mouth. Derek and Cristina looked on incredulously as her tongue moved around inside her mouth, she seemed to be concentrating hard. Finally she breathed and reached in and pulled the cherry stem from her mouth that was now in a perfect round circle. Derek looked at her with a new sense of darkness in his eyes.

"You did that all with your tongue?" he asked.

"Uh-huh." she nodded. "We have rings."

"You're giving me your cherry." he grinned. She giggled.

"Oh keep it in your pants until after the ceremony McDreamy!" Cristina muttered. "Derek give her the ring and repeat, I Derek take you Meredith to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer…you know, until one or both of you croak. With this ring you thee wed."

Derek frowned once again at her choice of wording but smiled as he slipped his mother's ring on her finger, it was a perfect fit.

"I Derek, take you Meredith, to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part. And I promise my love to you, with this ring I wed thee."

"Meredith." Cristina said "You too."

"Right." she nodded "Derek, I take you to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part. And I promise my love for you, with this….cherry stem, I wed thee."

They both laughed and Cristina rolled her eyes.

"So what now?" Meredith asked.

"So now," Cristina said "Now you just stay married and be good to each other and try not to fight. Unless of course it's over surgery and may the better man win." Derek frowned at her "Oh and you can kiss your bride."

Derek smiled and turned, he took Meredith's face in his hands and pulled her lips to his. Hers parted and allowed his soft velvet tongue to slide in smoothly and wash around hers. She moaned softly into the kiss and he released her, gave her another quick kiss and smiled into her eyes.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Cristina said "Doctor and doctor…. Here's your marriage certificate."

Meredith smiled and took it, she read it over and noticed there were names signed on the witness lines, she squinted as she read the shaky scribbles.

"Who are Jared Perkins and Rodney Minnow?" she asked.

"Oh, they're orderlies that I threatened within an inch of their lives if they didn't sign the paper, so they did without looking to see what it was." Cristina grinned, Meredith looked disturbed "What? You needed witnesses."

"And now they're probably going to go into the witness protection agency." Meredith said.

"Not my problem they're weak." Cristina shrugged. "You're all married now, so I'm going. I have surgeries to steal."

"Thank you Cristina." Derek said genuinely. She nodded before skipping off the hill. Derek took Meredith into his arms and pressed his forehead against hers to look into her eyes.

"I love you….wife." he smiled. She giggled.

"I love you too."


	47. Chapter 47

"You need to tell her." Derek pleaded

"Really I don't." Meredith shook her head as she flipped through charts "I mean it's a fact of life, do I need to tell her every time I have to pee too? No, it's none of her business."

"It's her grandchild." Derek sighed "She might want to know."

"She barely wants to admit to the fact that she has a daughter Derek." Meredith rolled her eyes "I doubt that she even wants to think about the possibility of a grandchild."

"It's your decision." Derek sighed "But I vote that we tell her."

"Well me and the baby vote no, so that's two to one."

"How can you possibly vote for the baby." Derek frowned defensively "It doesn't even have a voice yet."

"As long as it's in there jumping up and down on my bladder, I get to vote for it." Meredith said "So our vote is no."

"You can really feel it." Derek's eyes lit up. Meredith saw the look in his eyes and realized where they were and saw it as a danger.

"Yes." She hissed and shot him a warning look "But I swear to god if you touch my belly here in the hospital I will throw you down the stairwell!"

"Right." He gulped and looked to be obviously holding himself back. "I'll see you later Dr. Grey."

"Bye." She said as if without emotion but flashed him a sideways smile as he turned to walk off.

Meredith sighed as she turned into the stairwell to go check on a patient and only made it up one flight when she stopped and shivered as her mother stopped and stared down at her.

"Making a mess of things as usual?" She snipped.

"Just learning and doing my job." Meredith said. Ellis scoffed and took a step around Meredith but she stopped her by stepping in the way. "Mom."

"Meredith." Ellis said coldly "Do not refer to me so casually while we're at work. I am your boss!"

"Sorry." Meredith mumbled "So um, I know this is going to sound sudden but I guess I need to tell you something, since you're my boss and all."

"You're rambling is very annoying." Ellis narrowed her eyes "Just spit it out, I'm in a hurry."

"I'm pregnant." Meredith blurted, Ellis stood there shell shocked and Meredith took the lack of yelling to be a good sign, a flicker of excitement that she'd always hoped her mother would be happy about something like this flashed in her mind "You're going to be a grandmother."

"No." Ellis choked out and suddenly the hard expression was back "No I'm not. There will be no baby, and you are no daughter of mine!"

Meredith didn't have a moment to react. Ellis shoved her arms out into Meredith and pushed her backwards, sending her sailing down the stairs.

Meredith screamed and her eyes opened to a dark room, she heard a shushing sound and felt a large warm hand on her. She gulped and sat upright on the on call room bunk and squinted through the dark to see Derek looking at her concerned.

"Don't worry, no one saw me come in here." He said "I made sure of it."

"Ok." She nodded "I just, I had a bad dream."

"Another one about telling your mother?" he asked, she nodded "We still have a while longer until you can't cover it up anymore. You should try to relax, stress isn't good for the baby."

"I know." Meredith sighed "I just feel so torn. Like I want to tell her thinking maybe, just MAYBE she'll be happy over it. But then again I feel like she'll kill me when she finds out. She's been so Jekyll and Hyde lately, something is wrong with her."

"Something is definitely wrong with her." Derek chuckled and kissed her on the forehead as he flipped the lamp light on. "Here this might make you feel better."

"What is it?" she asked while taking the Styrofoam cup and bringing the straw to her mouth already.

"Strawberry milkshake, like you were craving this morning."

"Mmm!" she moaned as she took a big sip "Thanks, you're a life saver." She heard a loud screeching noise come from her hip and groaned as she pulled the black pager from her waistband. "Damn it."

"I guess I'll see you later." Derek said "Hopefully she won't put you on another 52 hour shift again."

"I don't know." Meredith shrugged as she stood up "I guess that depends on if it's a Jekyll day or a Hyde day."

"I love you." He chuckled and kissed her "See you at home."

"See ya." She smiled and turned and walked out of the on call room.

Her mother was waiting at the nurses' station desk holding a stack of charts and looking slightly annoyed. She gulped and stalled a little before walking forward, Ellis looked a little relieved at the sight of her daughter and held the charts out.

"I need you to get these done before you leave today." She said.

"You mean I'm actually leaving this place?"

"Don't get too attached to the idea." Ellis said "I'll need you back in here tomorrow afternoon. Just home enough to get some rest."

"Ok." Meredith nodded.

"Did you take a lunch break?" Ellis asked, eying the cup in her hand, Meredith looked at it as if not even realizing it was there.

"Oh um no D—" she stopped herself "Someone brought me a strawberry milkshake, they said I looked a little starved."

"Strawberry milkshake?" Ellis almost scoffed "Interesting."

"What is?"

"Oh, just that I used to crave those all the time when I was pregnant with you." She said. Meredith gulped, it must be a Dr. Jekyll day, she seemed far too sentimental to reveal that kind of information. "So get those done by four and you can go."

"Alright." Meredith nodded and turned to walk off and get the work done so she could go home and lay in her own bed.

"Oh one more thing Meredith." Ellis said.

Meredith stopped but didn't turn around.

"Were you going to tell me about your baby anytime soon, or should I just keep pretending like I don't know?"


	48. Chapter 48

Meredith felt as if she were having an out of body experience, she was numb and frozen in step, she could feel her heart beating wildly in her ears and forced herself to breathe. She had a growing belly but it wasn't that big yet. She'd upped a size in shirt and pants in order to hide it better, how did her mother know, and what else did she know? Meredith slowly turned around to face her mother and gulped.

"Baby?" Meredith stuttered, hoping that maybe she'd heard her mother wrong, or that she could play it off as a rumor. "What baby?"

"Don't play me as stupid." Ellis said narrowly, she glanced at Meredith's midsection "I know you're pregnant."

"Ho..how." Meredith choked out "How did you know?"

"Because I'm a mother." Ellis said "I may be a cold hearted bitch and drive you insane and have sky high expectations from you Meredith, but I'm still a mother. And you have a look."

"A look?" Meredith frowned.

"The look women get when they're expecting, it's pretty obvious, and you trying to hide it only emphasizes it more." Ellis said "So whose is it."

Phew, she didn't know about Derek "Um.. just, someone. Someone I'd been seeing."

"Does he have a name?"

"Yes he does." She nodded "He has a name."

"And?" Ellis raised a brow, looking at her daughter expectantly.

"And he's happy about the baby but would rather remain anonymous."

"You will tell me," Ellis muttered "Or else."

"Or else what? You'll fire me." Meredith scoffed "You can't. Firing me professionally over a personal issue would be a conflict of interest."

"Fine." Ellis sighed "Go get that Cristina girl and tell her to meet me in OR 4 for my Whipple. I need an intern."

"What." Meredith gulped "If you need an intern why can't I just join you."

"Are you going to tell me who the father of your baby is?" Ellis asked, Meredith stared blankly "Then no."

Meredith watched Ellis skirt away and felt a sinking feeling in her gut. She was free of one secret but still holding onto another, with her life it seemed, or career at least.

"Hey." She heard next to her and glanced over.

"Hi."

"What did your mother want?" he asked. "Sending you out to the battlefield for more hours?"

"No." she mumbled.

"Really?" he frowned "That's kind of odd."

"She knows about the baby." Meredith mumbled, Derek did a double glance and Meredith finally looked up at him "She's known for a while."

"Does she know about…"

"No." she shook her head.

"Is she mad?"

"Yes." Meredith sighed "But only because I didn't tell her sooner….and tell her who the father is."

"So tell her." He shrugged. "Maybe she'll be ok with it, she seemed nice enough about finding out about the baby."

"Or maybe she's just putting up the act in order to get me to tell her who to fire."

"Meredith," he sighed "I'm a world renowned neurosurgeon, I can get a job anywhere."

"Maybe," she shrugged "but I won't be the cause of you losing your job. You won't feel the wrath of Ellis Grey over me."

"It'll happen eventually."

"Eventually feels a lot different than actually."


	49. Chapter 49

Meredith glanced at her watch as she waddled down the hallway and after noticing the time she picked up her pace. She placed her hand on her belly as if she were trying to steady it as she tried to hurry but not to run. She reached the desk out of breath, the nurse looked up at her from the conversation she was having on the phone with an annoyed expression.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes, I have an appointment with Dr. Montgomery." Meredith said "It's at one o'clock." She gulped as she glanced at the clock on the wall "Which was fifteen minutes ago."

"I'm sorry, that's too late. You'll have to reschedule." The girl snubbed "Name?"

"Meredith!" they heard across the hall and both looked over "There you are, I've been waiting for you."

"Oh." Meredith sighed with relief "I'm sorry I'm late, I was told I needed to reschedule."

"That is the normal rule." Addison smiled and threw the nurse a hard glance "But my staff doesn't realize that there are EXCEPTIONS for some people."

"So you have the time?" Meredith asked.

"Yes." Addison smiled "Come with me."

Meredith nodded and followed her across the hallway and into a large exam room.

"Did you drink your 32 ounces of water?" Addison asked

"Yes, and I really have to pee!" Meredith groaned as she climbed onto the table.

"I will make it quick then." Addison laughed "So I heard your mother found out?"

"Yeah." She gulped "I guess she's taking it ok."

"Well I think it's a good thing she knows, because you're about to really pop!"

"I am?" Meredith looked at her nervously.

"I just mean that the baby usually gets a little growth spurt around 25 weeks and you're almost there."

"Oh." Meredith sighed as she relaxed back into the exam bed.

Addison squeezed the jelly onto her exposed belly and then hesitated a moment, as if she were struggling with something mentally.

"What is it?" Meredith frowned. "Is something wrong with the baby."

"No." Addison said "It's not with the baby." Meredith looked at her precariously as Addison sighed and leaned against the bed, she smiled solemnly down at Meredith "Meredith, I know about Derek."

"What." Meredith choked. "What I mean.. what about Derek?"

Addison glanced at her small round belly and smiled again "I know that he's the father." Meredith narrowed her eyes in confusion with a hint of anger "We're sort of friends, but just friends. And he confided in me. I'm not going to tell anyone, I know what it's like to have something you can't tell anyone. And it's nice to be able to have a few trusting people you can confide things in."

"Oh." Was all Meredith could manage as she digested the information.

"My point," Addison said "is that I think that he would want to be here for this." Meredith looked up nervously "I could page him here and no one would know."

"The nurse?"

"Will be told that I needed a neuro consult." Addison reassured, "So shall I page him?"

Meredith thought about it for a second and then nodded. Addison smiled with relief and went over to the phone hanging on the wall. She made the call and they waited only a few minutes, the door opened and he walked in cautiously, with worry stricken all over his face.

"Nothing's wrong." Addison said as if reading his mind "We just thought you would want to be here."

"Oh." He breathed a sigh of relief, he noticed Meredith laying with her belly exposed next to an ultrasound machine and smiled as he made the connection "Yes, I do want to be here."

He stepped to Meredith's side and took her hand, they shared a smiling glance as Addison dimmed the lights and stared rolling the wand over Meredith's belly.

"Well, there's the nicely shaped head." Addison smiled "Daddy, does it look pretty normal?"

Derek smiled and felt a jolt of excitement when she called him 'daddy' "Yes. It looks absolutely perfect."

"There's a strong heartbeat." Addison said "And all the organs seem to be functioning well and measuring up to size."

"It's really a little person in there." Meredith said, her voice breaking "It's not just a little glob of cells anymore."

"No." Addison giggled "It looks like a baby now." Meredith could only smile as she choked back tears "So, the question now is… do you want to know if it's a boy or girl?"

"Yes."

"No."

"No?" Derek sounded surprised as he looked down at her quizzically "You don't want to know, why?"

"No I don't." she said "We weren't expecting the baby, I wasn't expecting to fall in love with you of all people, it's all a surprise and I'm finding that surprises are a good thing. They're the magic in my life. And I really would just like to roll with this surprise and gladly welcome any more that come our way."

Derek felt a grin spread across his face.

"But if you want to know maybe Addison could tell you."

"No." he said still smiling "I like surprises."

"So we'll keep this a secret then?" Addison asked, they both nodded "In that case, you two are going to have one very healthy baby."

"Thank you." Derek smiled, she handed them both a picture and excused herself from the room to give them a moment alone. He leaned down and kissed her softly but with excitement "I love you."

Meredith smiled with tight lips as she sat up on the table.

"So, how long exactly have I been working my ass off to keep this whole thing under wraps from Addison when she knew already?"

Derek gulped.


	50. Chapter 50

"Finally!" Meredith moaned as she gently fell down into her bed after working another long shift "I hate being an intern."

"It won't last forever." Derek chuckled as he kicked his shoes off and sat down on the bed "How are your feet?"

"Feet?" she asked and mimicked a glance down "Do I still have those?"  
>Derek chuckled again "Yes, and how do they feel?"<p>

"Like they've been walked around on for the last hundred hours." She moaned and settled against her pillows, Derek took the liberty of taking them into his hands and beginning to softly massage them, she moaned in pleasure and smiled at him over the large lump between them, Addison wasn't kidding, she'd really popped in the last week and of course the hospital was all abuzz about who could have caused the bump. "Thank you."

"Any time." He smiled "Has your mother eased up any?"

"No." Meredith groaned "She's intent to give me hell until I tell her about.. well, you."

"Meredith tell her."

"No." she sighed "Because that's what she wants, and I'm not ready for the both of us to face that kind of wrath."

"And I don't want you and the baby suffering just because of me." Derek said "If she keeps it up she'll throw you into pre-term labor."

"I'm fine." Meredith assured him "I haven't felt a twinge." She gasped and placed her hand over the spot on her belly where she felt the pain. Derek looked at her wide eyed and worried. "Oh!"

"What is it!" he stuttered nervously "What's wrong, was it a contraction!"

"No." Meredith said through her spreading smile "It was a kick."

"Really?" Derek grinned, his eyes sparkled so brightly they could have lit up a midnight sky.

"Yes." She smiled, and grabbed his hand and placed it over the spot where she felt the first kick. A second later there was another one, Derek's smile was response enough that he'd felt it too. "Amazing how it can go from feeling like gas to that."

"I'll take your word for it." Derek laughed, "You know we're going to have to find a name for the little kicker."

"If he keeps it up we'll just call him Soccer." She said "Or maybe Rugby."

"No." Derek laughed "We're doctors, we can be more creative than that. And what do you mean he?"

"Just a feeling." She shrugged "But yesterday I was thinking 'she' so don't listen to me." She sighed "Open my nightstand drawer."

Derek cocked an eye brow and smirked "In the mood for a little fun, huh."

"The book!" she scoffed "Get your mind out of the damn gutter!"

Derek rolled his eyes and opened the drawer, he saw the book '10,000 baby names' and it made sense. He smiled as he flipped it open.

"So I guess just start anywhere?" he asked, she nodded and he flipped through the pages "Let's start with girls… Olivia?"

"No." Meredith curled up her lip "I've heard like at least three a day in the ER."

"Madelyn?"

"Same thing."

"This is a heavily populated area Meredith." Derek sighed "There's going to be a lot of names."

"So lets find one that we don't hear daily." She said and rubbed her belly affectionately "Our little kicker deserves a name unique enough as he or she is but not something totally off the wall."

"Ok." He nodded "Scarlet?"

"As in fish lips Johansen?" Meredith raised her brow "No."

Derek shook his head and saw a name and smiled "How about Megan?"

"Megan?" Meredith frowned.

"Yeah," he said "As in Meg, your screen name. What started this all."

"Ok that's kind of a cute idea." Meredith smiled "but I don't like Megan enough. And if it's a boy I am not naming him Dashiel, this isn't the seventeen-hundreds."

"Then how about the initials then."

"We could do that."

"Ok, M names. This'll be easy." Derek said, Meredith raised her brow "Easier.." he flipped to the middle of the book and sighed "Margaret?" she shook her head "Madeline?" another head shake "Marion?" she thought about it for a second then shook her head "Mathilda?" she shook her head vigorously and scowled, he let out a sigh and looked thoroughly across the page and smiled "Morgan?"

"Oh!" Meredith gasped as she rubbed her belly where she felt another kick "I think the baby likes that, and I do too."

"So Morgan it is…now onto the E names." He said flipping through the book "Emma?"

"Morgan Emma." Meredith pondered "I like it."

"What about the G?" he asked

"Grey." Meredith said "Morgan Emma Grey Shepherd…God she'll hate us when she has to write that out."

"Perhaps." Derek chuckled "Now, what about boys?"

"Give me the book, it's my turn to annoy the hell out of you for names." She said "I ask, you veto."

"Ok." Derek rolled his eyes. "Give me your worst."

"Dallan?" she asked.

"Veto."

"Dallas?"

"Veto."

"Dakota?"

"Veto!" he scoffed "I was kidding about the worst part."

Meredith rolled her eyes "Denver? Dempsey? Dillon?"

"Dempsey has a ring to it but I can't picture it on a kid." He said "You know, we don't have to do the dash thing with a boy."

"Oh thank god!" Meredith sighed "I'm really not liking and D names for a boy unless you want a Derek Jr."

"No." he said immediately.

"Cameron?" she asked, he thought for a second then shook his head "Aiden?" he shook his head "Ryder?" he shook his head dramatically "Carter."

"Carter." He repeated it "I kind of like it."

"Then Carter Alexander Shepherd it is." She sighed with relief "I think it'll suit him well."

"You know his initials will be CASH right?" he smirked.

She rolled her eyes and tossed the book across the room "I'm done with baby names, now I want some fun."

Derek grinned as his eyes darkened and smoldered.


	51. Chapter 51

"Hi." Meredith heard next to her "In case you don't remember me I'm your former best friend and roommate."

"George." She said as she gave him a remorseful smile "I'm sorry I haven't seen you much lately, I miss you."

"Of course you do." He smirked "Everyone misses George."

"Funny." Meredith giggled "What do you have today?"

"I'm on Dr. Montgomery's services today." He sighed "But luckily all she needs is for me to run labs."

"Not cut out to be a baby catcher huh?" Meredith asked.

"No." he said "Speaking of babies," he glanced at her belly "Yours is sure growing."

"Yep." She said and rubbed her extended belly "And kicking the shit out of me in the process."

"Serves you right for running off and getting married without inviting anyone."

"Married!" they heard. Meredith's eyes widened bigger than George's did.

"George." Meredith gulped "Please tell me my mother isn't standing right behind me."

"Well, not right behind you." He gulped "But… definitely within ear shot."

"Shit." She muttered, George mouthed 'sorry' as she turned around to see her mother standing there looking angry and appalled with her hand on her hip "Dr. Grey."

"Oh don't you dare Dr. Grey me!" she muttered "I'm your mother! And you got married without telling me?"

"I didn't think you would want to come." She mumbled.

"Of course you would think that." She narrowed her eyes "Because you think I'm such a hard ass, that I have no motherly compassion in my bones. So who is this new son in-law of mine?" Meredith stalled and stuttered silently "I suppose you won't tell me that either! You know this really hurts me, to think that you think of me as such a monster that you won't even tell me who I'm related to, and going to be related to!"

Meredith felt a churn in her stomach and her heart hitch in her chest, maybe it was pregnancy hormones but she really felt almost bad for her mother. Tears welled in her eyes and she suddenly felt foolish for keeping all the things from her mother that mother's had the right to know.

"It's Derek." She stuttered "The baby is Derek Shepherd's and we got married, we fell in love and now we're having a baby. The father and son in-law is Derek."

Ellis pinched her brow together and then to everyone's surprise she burst into a roaring laughter, Meredith jumped at the surprising reaction coming from her mother who was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

"Oh please." She laughed "You really expect me to believe that! Oh Meredith are you that desperate to find a cover up for your illegitimate child?"

"Mom," Meredith gulped "It's true."

"Preposterous!" Ellis shook her head "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while. Dr. Shepherd can't hardly stand you! He can hardly stand to be around anyone at all! Well, other than Dr. Montgomery." Ellis spread a beaming smile "Who I'm sure will ACTUALLY be dating him soon, so please, next time at least come up with a better cover up Meredith." She laughed again "Dr. Shepherd…really!"

Meredith watched in shock as her mother walked away still laughing. She almost felt a little disturbed and gulped. George seemed to be standing there feeling just as puzzled and leaned into her.

"Is she really stupid or really naïve? And if so how the hell is she chief of surgery?"

"She's a doctor George." Meredith mumbled "We're all very intelligent when it comes to science and medicine. But come common sense and knowledge we're still middle school kids, middle school kids with scalpels."

"So that didn't disturb you one bit?"

"Scared the hell out of me."


	52. Chapter 52

Derek was scrubbing out from a successful surgery and sighed as he worried about his pregnant wife and all the hours that she was working. He wanted very much to respect her wishes, but at the same time he knew, as a doctor, that a pregnant mother working that hard and on her feet so much would lead to trouble. The room to the scrub room opened, he looked up at gulped.

"Dr. Grey." He nodded.

"Dr. Shepherd." She smiled "I've been looking for you."

"I was in surgery." He explained "I thought the OR board would have been the first place you would look."

"All is well, it's nothing important." She giggled "I just heard something funny this morning."

"About me?"

"Yes." She said "I heard that you were the father of my daughter's illegitimate child."

"Oh." Derek mumbled in shocked.

"Isn't that funny?"

"Is it?" Derek frowned.

"Well of course." She laughed again "To think that someone so highly esteemed as yourself would mingle with my daughter, an intern, that way. And everyone knows that you are quite fond of Addison."

"Do they?" Derek asked "I wasn't aware that our friendship was being taken that way."

"Well she's a good looking woman, you're a fairly attractive man. I would say it's only a matter of time, everyone knows that."

"Huh." Derek mumbled "Well I guess people surprise you."

"Yes, they can."

"Actually Dr. Grey I…" he was cut off by the sound of the beeper, Ellis reached down and grabbed it from her pocket.

"Well I won't waste any more of your time Dr. Shepherd." She said "I just thought you might get a kick out of that."

Derek frowned and after she left he rolled his eyes and sighed. He left the scrub room and walked down the hallway, he looked in and out of a few patient rooms before he spotted the object of his desire standing against the nurses' station, filling out a chart and massaging her lower back with her free hand. He walked up behind her with a slight smirk on his back and glanced around to make sure the coast was clear before he grabbed her waist and started massaging his thumbs in tiny circles. She jumped and whipped her head around to see him.

"What are you doing!" she gasped.

"You really need to sit down." He said "You look like hell."

"Why thank you dear," she muttered "you're looking really great today too."

"You know what I mean." He said "You're almost thirty weeks pregnant, you need to stay off your feet as much as you can."

"And you know very well that I can't do that." She argued "I'm a doctor, and doctors don't get time to sit."

"Fine." He sighed with defeat. "You'll never believe what I heard out of your mother's mouth today."

"Oh." She mumbled and looked up from the chart, "I bet I can take a pretty good guess."

"Have you heard the rumor too?" he asked.

"The one where we're in love, married and having a not so illegitimate child together?" she asked

"Yeah." He frowned. "Where did you hear it?"

"Out of the horses' mouth." She mumbled. Derek frowned in thought "I told her."

"What!" he mumbled.

"She made me feel bad that I hadn't told her who the father of the baby was yet." Meredith explained "And George kind of pushed me off the edge by mentioning my marriage and she heard him. So I told her."

"Really well..um..well what did she say, how did she respond?" Derek stuttered.

"She laughed."

"She laughed?"

"Yeah, she laughed. Like hysterically, it was really kind of freaky. And of course she didn't believe me. She thought I made it up and that you and Addison are about to fall in love any day."

Derek chuckled, Meredith tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him which made him laugh harder.

"Why is this my reaction from everyone today?" she muttered "And there is nothing funny about people thinking you're with Addison…"

"We're just friends." Derek smiled.

"How can I be so sure of that?" Meredith frowned "She's been very nice, but obviously my mother has the right to think it's more than that."

"You're mother is delusional."

"This I know." Meredith agreed but still had a deep crease in her brow "but not comforting to me."

"Meredith, I love you, I'm married to you. You have nothing to worry about." He smiled, she pressed her lips together, still not convinced "If I tell you something that will ease your mind will you swear yourself to secrecy."

"Of course." She said, now curious. Derek leaned in to her and whispered in her ear.

"Addison isn't interested in men."

"Well why not, who else could she possibly be interested in?" Meredith frowned, Derek smirked and scanned down her body and up again, Meredith gasped "Oh god, are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." He said. Meredith thought about it a minute and then got a disturbed look on her face.

"But she's…"

"A hundred and ten percent professional." He smiled "Besides, I think she has a thing for brunettes."

"Whew." Meredith breathed "That actually kind of makes sense."

"Really?" Derek frowned "I had no idea until she told me."

"Well you're not very observant either."

"What do you mean." He seemed offended "Well it's like all the hot guys, they're either taken or gay. And Addison is.. well very pretty. And she never really looks twice at you, when all the nurses can't keep their faces straight when you're walking down the hall. And if that weren't enough of a clue, she's always leaving the bar with Dr. Torres, you never want to assume…but after a while it makes you wonder."

"Huh." Derek sighed "I never even noticed that before."

"Like I said," she smirked "You're not very observant."

"Maybe I just have my eyes on other things." He said, she rolled her eyes "So since your mother knows, can we finally be more public about us?"

"Yes, I told her. But Derek she doesn't believe me." Meredith said "I think if she saw you plant one on me she might have a stroke!"

"And that would be a bad thing?" he raised his brow, she swatted his shoulder "Owe! Ok, no PDA."

"Thank you." She sighed.

"I still think you should sit down, your ankles looked a little swollen this morning." He said, she turned and placed a hand on her hip and glared.

"Are you saying I'm fat!" she muttered

"Swollen and fat are two entirely different things." He stuttered.

"Well they're bigger, and bigger is fat. So you're calling me fat!"

Derek opened and closed his mouth three times before he sighed and cleared his throat. So this was how the next ten weeks was going to go…


	53. Chapter 53

"You're still here!" George scoffed as he walked up to Meredith in the hallway that morning, she looked over at him for a second and went back to placing charts in the cubbies outside of the patient rooms.

"Obviously." She muttered.

"How long have you been working this shift?"

"I got here three days ago, haven't left since." She mumbled with a yawn.

"Meredith, please tell me that you aren't here voluntarily."

"Seriously George?" She frowned "I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I can't see my own feet much less feel them anymore, you think I really WANT to be here?"

"Mommy's still on the warpath."

"Yes, I've tried to tell her again. She won't believe me." Meredith mumbled, she cringed slightly and placed her hand on her stomach "Ouch."

"I hope to hell that wasn't a contraction." George said wide eyed.

"Braxton hicks." Meredith glared "They're normal."

"That looked painful."

"Well they can be, but they come and go. I'm not going into labor until I'm 40 weeks."

"And you're that confident?" George asked, arching a brow "You know babies have a mind of their own right? And you being on your feet so much doesn't help persuade them to stay in there."

"George." She muttered "It's bad enough I'm getting it from Derek!"

"Oh right, more Derek talk." They heard and looked up to see Ellis walking towards them with a petite brunette in tow. Meredith rolled her eyes "I thought I would introduce you to the new transfer, this is Lexie Grey."

"Grey?" Meredith frowned.

"Yes." She nodded "Your father seemed to produce a worthwhile spawn for once," Ellis giggled when Meredith flinched at the comment "Your half sister is a Harvard Medical graduate, and finished top of her class a whole year early! I'll be showing her the loops and be happy to mentor her myself."

"Ok." Meredith gulped and forced a smile to the timid looking young lady "Nice to meet you Dr. Grey."

"Nice to meet you too." Lexie nodded. She seemed to not know what was going on, or maybe she did and it was freaking her out a little bit.

"Come Lexie." Ellis smirked "I'll introduce you personally, to the attendings."

"Um, ok." Lexie nodded. They both walked off and disappeared down the hallway.

"Ouch, that was brutal!" George scoffed "What a bitch!"

"Yeah she's…" Meredith said and took a deep gasping breath "A real…" she stopped and gulped as she seemed to be bracing herself for something "Piece of work.."

"Meredith?" George asked, his wide eyed expression was back as he saw her hunch over her belly and grunt. "Meredith this isn't normal!"

"I know!" she said through her teeth. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply until it passed and then looked at George desperately "Take me to Dr. Montgomery."

* * *

><p>Derek leaned on the arm of his chair and rubbed his eyes. Would this board meeting every end? He sighed and thought about all the patients he could be helping at the moment. Why the board of directors decided right now to hold a meeting he didn't know, but felt annoyed.<p>

He wanted to check on Meredith too, for some reason he had a sinking feeling that something about her wasn't right. She was trooping through the grueling hours that her mother was throwing at her, but it was only a matter of time…

"And so doctors," Richard Webber said as he pointed to a graph "I think this new addition to the hospital will …" he was cut off as the door flung open and crashed against the wall, everyone jumped and looked to the open door "Dr. O'Malley, you are interrupting an important meeting!"

"I know, I need Dr. Shepherd." He said sounding out of breath.

"Whatever it is can wait." Richard scoffed "There are other neurosurgeons on duty right now."

"It's not neurological sir, I need Dr. Shepherd only."

"And for what!" he muttered.

"His wife is in pre-term labor." George said, it seemed as if a pin drop could be heard in the room as all eyes fell on Derek, his face seemed pale as he jumped up.

"What room?" Derek asked as he charged to the door.

"419."

"Derek, I had no idea you were married?" Richard laughed,

"No time to chit chat Richard." Derek called out as he rushed out the door. George caught up with him "How bad is it?" George looked warily at him "O'Malley, how bad?"

"Her mother is there with her, sir." George gulped.

Derek looked enraged as he picked up the pace to a fast jog and dashed into the stairwell, hoping that he wouldn't' get there too late.


	54. Chapter 54

"I will keep asking until you tell me." Ellis said through her teeth as she hovered over Meredith's hospital bed.

"Dr. Grey." Addison huffed "You're stressing her out and I am begging you, please leave. Her contractions already have her dilated to two centimeters and I need to stop it!"

"Then help me get it out of her!" Ellis growled "Tell me who the father is!"

"Please." Meredith gasped, tears ran like a waterfall down her face as she was terrified that her baby would come too soon. "Please leave!"

"Tell me now!" Ellis screeched.

The door suddenly slammed open and everyone in the room jumped. Derek charged in with a steel cold glare and headed straight for Ellis.

"Leave." He muttered in one word.

"What!" she gasped for a second then glared "And what the hell gives you the right to throw me out of the room? This is none of your business Dr. Shepherd and you are out of line!"

"It is every bit my business!" Derek roared "That is my wife and child and you are doing more damage than you have already done! You can threaten my career, you can fire me, or you can black list me all you want, but if you EVER hurt them I guarantee you my revenge will be much worse!" He pressed his lips together and saw the look of utter shock on his face "Now, I will give you five seconds to leave this room or I WILL forcefully and physically remove you myself!"

Ellis stared at him, her mouth dropped open "But."

"Three seconds!" Derek yelled, she flinched and glanced at Meredith before rushing out of the room.

Derek closed his eyes for a second and let out a cleansing breath before turning to Meredith. He walked over and sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her into his chest for a deep embrace. They heard some loud beeps and Derek knew that with her crying the baby wasn't getting good oxygen so he reached behind the bed and turned the oxygen mask on and put it over her face.

"Shhhh!" Derek soothed as he rubbed her back "It'll be ok."

"I'm scared Derek." She squeaked "it's too soon."

"You just need to calm down." He said softly and kissed her forehead "just breathe slowly and think calm thoughts."

"Ok." She sniffled.

She closed her eyes and breathed as she leaned into Derek's embrace. Derek glanced at Addison who looked relieved yet worried as she watched the screen that fed off the reading of the contractions. She sighed and left the room for a while, Derek continued to soothe Meredith and hold her as she fell asleep. After about an hour Addison finally came back with a much more pleased expression on her face.

"Hey." She smiled as she walked in.

"Hey." Derek gulped "So what's the verdict?"

Meredith stirred awake and looked up grogilly at Addison "Is the baby ok?"

"The baby is fine and looks very healthy." Addison said "But you risk of going into pre-term labor again, and at 32 weeks your baby could survive but it would possibly have a lot of health problems, so it's best if we do all we can to keep him or her in there as long as possible."

"Bed rest?" Meredith asked.

"I want to keep you here for at least a few weeks." Addison said, Meredith groaned "Meredith, it's for the best. If you start having contractions again we can stop them right away."

"I know." Meredith sighed "I'm just so sick of this place right now."

"We'll make it comfortable for you Meredith." Addison smiled "I'll make sure everyone waits on you hand and foot."

"And after the past few months of being a slave for your mother." Derek mentioned "It's very much deserved."

"Ok." Meredith smiled half-heartedly.

Addison turned and started to walk out but stopped and smirked a little. "Oh one more thing."

"What is it?" Meredith asked.

"No sex." She said.

"What!" Derek scoffed "Why not? She doesn't have to leave the bed for that."

"Wow Derek." Meredith glared "Um, that's not too embarrassing!"

"To answer your question." Addison smiled "An orgasm will cause the uterus to contract. And since Meredith's seems to be contracting prematurely on it's own anyway. I'd rather we not risk it, you never know if we'll be able to stop them next time or not."

Derek sighed into a pout after Addison left the room "This'll be a long six weeks." Meredith glanced over at him and narrowed her eyes "What?

"Make that twelve you horny asshole!"


	55. Chapter 55

Meredith sat against her pillow in the hospital bed and sighed. This would be the most boring six weeks of her life. All she could really do was watch her belly grow, and my was it growing, it seemed to be getting bigger every time she woke up. She wanted a healthy baby, but it almost felt like she was having a super baby, and it kicking all over the place didn't sway that thought any. Meredith sighed again and twiddled her thumbs, she was sure she'd die of boredom.

She smiled when she remembered the last time she was really bored. It was a night last summer when she was seeking some sleep. She reached over and picked up her blackberry from the bedside table and opened up the IM.

_MEG216: Dash, what are you up to? It's been a while…  
>DASH109: Surprised to hear from you! How are you doing?<br>MEG216: I'm ok. Just bored. I think it might kill me.  
>DASH109: I'm sure it won't kill you. And it's for the best.<br>MEG216: I would be a lot less bored if you were here  
>DASH109: I'm blushing. Thought you got married, wouldn't your husband get jealous?<br>MEG216: What he doesn't know can't hurt him.  
>DASH109: Sneaky girl! LOL I'll be there in about half an hour, I'm at the house getting a bag together.<br>MEG216: Could you grab that black box out of my panty drawer, don't look.  
>DASH109: What's in it?<br>MEG216: If I wanted you to know why would I tell you not to look, moron.  
>DASH109: I'll bring it…Need anything else?<br>MEG216: Bring the outfits I laid out for the baby. There's a boy one and a girl one.  
>DASH109: But they're not coming for weeks.<br>MEG216: Just bring them Derek, they'll make me feel better.  
>DASH109: Derek? Who's Derek? I thought I was Dash… are you seeing other people on me?<br>MEG216: Wouldn't you like to know  
>DASH109: I'll be quick then!<em>

Meredith giggled as she put her phone back on the table. She missed those flirty little IM conversations with Derek. And though being strapped into a hospital bed sucked, she wouldn't change it for a thing. She caressed her belly affectionately and wondered what the little person inside of her was like. It wasn't long before Derek walked through the door with a bag in tow. He smiled and greeted her with a kiss.

"How are my two loves?" he asked.

"We're ok." She sighed "just waiting for June 20th."

"Actually it's July 10th." Derek said "Remember, Addison changed your due date."

"Ugh." Meredith sighed "No, I didn't really want to remember that."

"It'll be here before you know it." Derek smiled.

"Did you bring the black box?" she asked. He shoved his hand in his jeans pocket and then pulled it out and handed it to her.

"I didn't look…promise."

"Thank you." She smiled, then held it out to him "But now, you can open it."

Derek smirked a little as he cracked it open and his face lit up as he saw the platinum band being held up on a velvet cushion. He took it out of the box and saw some engraving inside the ring, _'__with this cherry stem, I thee wed'_ he grinned and sat down on the bed to give her a sincere kiss.

"I figured since it's not secret now, we can wear our rings." She said after the kiss "Well you can wear yours, I don't think mine will fit."

"That's ok." He smiled "I was thinking the same thing, and I have you covered."

"You do?" she asked surprised. He smirked and pulled out a small black velvet bag from his shirt pocket and opened it up. He dropped the small metal content into the palm of his hand. It was a single platinum band with two channels of sparkly diamonds "Oh god Derek!"

"It's not a family heirloom." He said "But you can wear something pretty while you're pregnant. It's a size bigger and the lady at the jewelry store said the setting won't scratch the baby."

"I love it." She sniffled. They each put the other's rings on and smiled happily.

They kissed softly and were interrupted as the door opened, Addison walked in and stood at the end of the bed looking cross.

"We were just kissing." Derek gulped nervously.

"Meredith." Addison said "I thought you were going to tell me if you started having contractions."

"I was." Meredith mumbled.

"And are you having contractions?"

"No." Meredith mumbled meekly "Not really."

Addison rolled her eyes and walked over to the machine next to the bed, she picked up the long strip of graph paper and looked it over, she glanced up at Meredith and raised her brow.

"Let me ask again, are you having contractions?"

Meredith gulped "They're not big, they don't hurt. It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal." Addison argued "It's a big deal if they keep up, it's a big deal if they get stronger and start hurting. It's a big deal!" Addison sighed "I'm going to put you on a terbutaline drip."

"No." Meredith groaned "That stuff is terrible! It makes me feel so sleepy and crappy."

"Well it keeps your baby in there for the next few weeks."

"Ugh." Meredith groaned "The time can't come soon enough."

"It'll be over before you know it." Derek soothed.

"Well unless that time is over right NOW….that's not really very comforting!"


	56. Chapter 56

Meredith felt groggy, and drugged, she felt exhausted yet she'd done nothing but sleep. But that's what her body needed to do in order to keep the contractions away. Addison couldn't seem to figure out why her body still seemed to want to go into labor. But at least she was at the 36 week mark, only two more weeks and they wouldn't have to stop them anymore. Of course Meredith was ready to go any day now.

She slowly opened her eyes, groggily and looked around in search of some water for her dry mouth. She stopped on an out of place figure in her room. She focused her blurred vision on the young girl, her dark hair was a curtain in front of her face, and her stature seemed to appear as that of anxiety and remorse, Meredith cleared her throat and she popped her head up.

"Hello?" Meredith frowned "Can I help you?"

"I um, I didn't want to disturb you. I know you need your sleep."

"So you just sit there and watch me?"

"Well no I.." she stuttered "I wasn't here for long. Just thirty minutes."

"Ok." Meredith nodded "Well what is it that you need?"

"Nothing really."

"Nothing?" Meredith raised her brow "You were sitting in my room for thirty minutes for nothing?"

"Well its something.. I just…"

"Lexie is it?" Meredith asked, she nodded "Look I don't know you, but apparently we're related. So if that's what this is about just go ahead and speak."

"Ok." Lexie said taking a deep breath "So we're sisters."

"So it seems."

"We have the same father."

"Apparently."

"You know." Lexie said "Your mom is kind of mean."

"You're preaching to the choir." Meredith giggled. "And mean is too nice of a word for it."

"You know when I was in college, and med school, learning about your mother and of you." Lexie said "I always wondered what it would be like if she were my mother too. All the things that I could have learned from her….I was jealous of you."

"Really?" she frowned.

"Well I was." Lexie said "But then I see how she is, and especially to you. And now I wish…I wish that, well I don't know what I wish. Just that you'd had a better life."

"I had the life that I was supposed to Lex." Meredith smiled "And it's been crappy, I always seem to do something to screw everything up, I'm a screw up. But I'm happy right now, and I believe that everything I've done in my life has lead me to where I am right now. So I'm content."

"Yeah," Lexie smiled "You're having a baby."

"Yes." Meredith smiled and ran her hand over her belly "I am."

"And you and Dr. Shepherd are married?"

"We are."

"You know, I have to say I'm a little jealous again." Lexie laughed, "So is it my niece or nephew?" Meredith's face dropped a little and she gulped "I'm sorry, I totally jumped the gun."

"I'd like to get to know you Lexie." Meredith said "I don't know you yet. I've never had a sister, my sisters have all been friends until now. So I'd like to get to know you. And as for the baby, we're waiting to see if it's a boy or girl."

"Oh." She nodded "Well I hear that's fun. Of course I would have a hard time being that patient."

"Right now I just want labor to start." Meredith said "I'm ready, really ready."

The door opened with a knock and Meredith looked up to see Addison. Lexie shot up and smiled at Meredith with a nod.

"I'll see you around, thanks for the talk." She said "And I'd like to get to know you better too."

"Ok." Meredith smiled, but as soon as Lexie left the room it faded "What now, more contractions, more meds? What else do I have to go through?"

"Labor." Addison said softly, Meredith frowned "The last ultrasound didn't look very good."

"What do you mean?" Meredith frowned. "Is something wrong with the baby!"

"The baby looks healthy, healthy heart rate and everything, I just think it's measuring a little behind. I don't think I was wrong about your due date, but I think that maybe it would be best to get it out and see what's stunting the growth. So I'm stopping the terbutaline and giving you some steroids in case the lungs need a little more help maturing."

"So it's over." Meredith gulped "It's almost over?"

"Yes." Addison smiled, "It's almost over."

"I just have to go into labor on my own?"

"That would be best, yes."

"Ugh." Meredith groaned.

"What's wrong?" Addison frowned "I thought you wanted to go into labor?"

"I do." Meredith sighed "But it seems my wishes are not in accordance with the baby's so the chances of me NOT going into labor yet feel high to me."

Addison smirked as Meredith let out a gasp. She felt a gush between her legs and Addison stood up from the bed and muffled a giggle.

"Somehow I doubt that."


	57. Chapter 57

"You're doing good Meredith." Addison said "Only half a centimeter to go."

"Ok." Meredith panted.

"You can push soon." Addison smiled.

"No." Meredith grunted through the contraction "Not without Derek."

Addison nodded and looked up at the nurse "Go see if Dr. Shepherd is out of surgery now. And let him know that his wife is ready to push."

"Yes, Dr. Montgomery." She nodded but didn't have time to turn around when someone barreled through the door.

"No need." He said "I'm right here."

"Well it's about damn time!" Meredith growled as he planted a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm sorry I was late." He smiled and took her hand "I'm here now."

"Ok Meredith," Addison said "are you ready for this to be over?"

Meredith nodded and Addison put her garb on and sat at the end of the bed to catch the baby.

"Ok, push on the next contraction." Addison instructed "Ready…..push!"

Meredith sucked in a large breath and curled over her large belly and pushed down. She grunted and fought to urge to scream, using that energy to get the baby out. Addison told her to push again and she repeated the actions for the next few contractions.

"God!" Meredith growled "Is it coming out?"

"Yes." Addison fought the urge to giggle "I see the head, you're almost there."

Meredith nodded and felt another contraction coming on so she pushed with all her might and felt a burn when the baby's head emerged. She gasped and breathed through the pain as Addison suctioned the baby's mouth out. She heard a gasp from Derek and looked up to see his eyes filling with tears at the first sight of his baby, their baby. Meredith looked down as she gave another shove and Addison pulled up a tiny screaming baby and set it on her chest.

"Oh god." Meredith gasped as she started to cry "Oh it's here."

"He's here." Derek smirked as he leaned over and rubbed the baby's back, Meredith looked up at him "it's a boy."

"A boy." She giggled through her tears "He's so handsome."

"He is." Derek smiled.

"Derek?" Addison smiled "Would you like to cut the cord?"

Derek smiled and nodded and stepped to the end of the bed and took the scissors and snipped the cord between the clamps. The nurse then scooped the baby up and took him to the islet to be checked out for any respiratory distress for being born a little early. Meredith's eyes followed her baby as they laid him down and started doing tests.

"He's ok." Derek said soothingly "He's just little."

Meredith nodded but still felt an instant mother's worry "Go over there, be with him, he's probably scared."

Derek felt a bubble of joy and nodded, he kissed the back of her hand before going over to the islet, he rubbed his hand along the baby's little arm and he reached up and took hold of Derek's index finger and tightly squeezed it, Derek gasped and felt tears burn his eyes again.

"He's got a strong grip."

Meredith cringed and felt strong contractions still, she was confused, she thought that they were supposed to stop after the baby was born. She winced as another one spiked across the screen and gasped in pain, she looked down at Addison who had just delivered the baby's placenta.

"Addison." She muttered through her teeth, Addison looked up immediately, hearing the pain in her voice "I thought they were supposed to stop."

Addison looked up at the screen and frowned "You'll have some, but mild ones… not that high!"

"Then what the hell is going on!" Meredith screamed as another contraction ripped through her abdomen, Derek looked over concerned "This is bullshit!"

"Hang on." Addison said "Let me figure this out."

Meredith breathed and panted as Addison started to examine her, she frowned and then started to do an internal exam and gasped.

"What?" Meredith cringed, by then Derek was back at her side.

"What's wrong Addison." Derek gulped nervously "What's going on."

"How did I miss this?" Addison whispered to herself.

"Miss what?" Meredith muttered through her teeth.

"I have my hand on a foot." Addison gasped "Meredith there's another baby in here." She looked at Derek "We need to get her into the OR right away, this baby is breech."

"Oh god!" Meredith roared "I have to push! Just get it out, pull it out I don't care!"

"Meredith breech birth is very painful."

"It's already very painful!" Meredith screamed "Just get it out!"

Addison glanced at Derek quickly before nodding "Ok, ok I'll do it."

"Thank you." Meredith breathed.

Addison got a good grip on the tiny feet and pulled them down as Meredith pushed, she wasn't kidding about the pain part, Meredith couldn't breath or push through it this time. But in a minute it was over, Addison steadied the head as it came out. She suctioned the baby's mouth as it let out it's first little scream, Addison held the baby up to show them.

"Here's your little surprise mommy." Addison laughed "I can't believe we missed that, I guess she was hiding every time we did an ultrasound."

"It's a girl?" Meredith sniffled as she kissed the baby's tiny head, she was even smaller than her brother.

"It's a girl." Derek smiled and kissed his daughter, then his wife.

"We have one of each." Meredith smiled, before they took the baby over to be monitored with her brother.

"I guess it's a good thing we picked two names." Derek smiled, he sat down next to Meredith and caressed her cheek "You have no idea how much I love you right now."

"It's overwhelming." She said softly, he nodded "And to think all this started with a chat room."

Derek chuckled and leaned in to kiss her "It was the best act of boredom I've ever done in my life."

"Me too." she smiled "Happy Father's day, Derek."

Derek looked at her and realized what day it was, a day that he'd passed up for so many years, and today he could finally celebrate it again. He smiled and kissed her again.

"Thank you."


	58. Chapter 58

Meredith stirred a little in her sleep, it was the middle of the night but she was having a hard time finding rest. Carter was doing wonderfully, he didn't need anything more than his mommy's milk for him to thrive. His sister Morgan though, was having a little rougher time. She was in the NICU on oxygen and needing a feeding tube because she wouldn't eat.

She felt guilty, an incredible amount of guilt. If she'd gone to see Addison more maybe they would have seen Morgan inutero, or if she'd been less stressed out in her pregnancy, maybe she could have stayed pregnant longer, maybe the babies could have stayed in a little longer. She rolled over and tried to get comfortable again, but along with the guilt, the instant worry of a mother settled in. She had no idea how quickly and strongly she would feel it.

She heard a humming sound and frowned, she thought Derek was in the NICU with Morgan as she asked him to. She opened her eyes and saw someone sitting in the rocking chair, softly moving back and forth with Carter in her arms. Meredith sat up slowly and looked through the dim light of the room in shock. She was in a black button up shirt and black slacks, as if she'd just hung up her white coat. And she hummed a lullaby as she looked down at Carter with such adoration and love.

"Mom?" Meredith whispered.

She looked up and smiled brightly at her, so brightly Meredith was caught off guard, she'd never seen her mother look so happy before.

"He's absolutely beautiful darling." She said "You did a wonderful job."

"What?" she asked, her head felt like it was spinning.

"Look," she smiled "I know I wasn't a very good mother to you. I always put work first and I was a very selfish mother. But darling that doesn't mean I didn't love you."

"You do?" Meredith mumbled "But you always made my life hell."

"I only wanted the best for you." Ellis said "It's a rough world for women, I felt that if I toughened you up that you could make it, that you could be one of the greats…even greater than me."

"I'm worried." Meredith confessed, tears burned her eyes "I'm worried that I'll be bad mom."

"You're already doing a marvelous job sweetheart." She smiled "You were an honest champion in my opinion."

"But Morgan." She sniffled "She's so weak, I'm afraid she won't make it."

"But she will." Ellis smiled "She's strong…a lot like her mother. She's just little right now. And you'll be an excellent mother. You have a lot of care in you, and you're not selfish like me. Your children will be very blessed." She laughed lightly as Carter made a grunting noise. "Derek will help you, he loves you and the babies. You will have twice as good a life as I ever did."

"Mom?" Meredith frowned.

She felt incredibly confused, the woman in front of her was indeed her mother, looked like her, sounded like her, but wasn't at all acting like her. It was as if she were dreaming, because this was always how she dreamed her mother would be towards her. Ellis stood up and kissed Carter on the cheek, she then placed him back in the bassinet and walked over to the bed and sat down.

"I need to go now darling." Ellis smiled and leaned over, placing a kiss on Meredith's forehead then rubbed her cheek, wiping a tear away "Please know that a day hasn't gone by where you didn't make me proud. I love you Meredith, you were the best daughter."

"Mom." Meredith whispered.

"Shhh." Ellis murmured "Close your eyes dear, you need your rest."

Meredith conceded and closed her eyes. She felt a kiss on her cheek and relaxed into the pillow but felt restless, suddenly felt anxious, like she didn't want this one wonderful moment with her mother to pass so quickly.

"Mom!" she gasped as she opened her eyes and looked around the empty dark room, tears filled her eyes and she whimpered "Mommy…"

She sniffled a little and heard Carter start to fuss. She got up and picked him up, she nursed him and changed his diaper, surprised at how natural the mommy stuff came to her. After rocking him back to sleep she climbed back into bed herself and managed to let the exhaustion take over and pull her back to sleep. She didn't know how long she was out but when she did wake up there was a bright light in the room, it almost seemed like late morning. She heard a mumble and looked over to see Derek sitting next to her bed holding a baby in his arms, at first she thought it was Carter but then she saw the pink bonnet.

"Morgan." She gasped, "Is that Morgan?"

"Yes." He grinned at her "She suddenly took a turn for the better around midnight."

"Let me hold her." Meredith whimpered as tears filled her eyes with relief to see her baby girl looking so good. He stood up and brought the little baby to her mommy and placed her into her arms. Meredith placed a long kiss on the top of her soft head full of brown waves "Oh Morgan, I love you so much."

"Meredith." Derek mumbled. She tensed at the sound in his voice, as if he had something bad to tell her, she looked up and gulped as his face matched the remorse in his tone "I have something to tell you."

"What happened?"

He sighed heavily and sat down next to her on the bed, "It's your mother." He said, she frowned a little "She had a brain aneurysm, and it ruptured last night."

"Oh god." She gasped. "Is she ok?"

"I'm sorry." He whispered "We did everything we could."

"But when…when did this happen?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"Just before midnight."

"That's impossible." She muttered "I saw her, I talked to her after midnight…she was in this room and she was…"

"She was what?"

"She was like a dream come true." She mumbled and squeezed her eyes close as tears spilled out the corners. She hugged her daughter tightly to her chest and kissed the top of her head. Derek wrapped his arms around them and held her tightly as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's ok." She said "I had one good memory with her…and that was worth all the bad ones."


	59. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

"You're stupid."

"No, you're stupid." She scowled her piercing blue eyes across the table.

"Well you have a boy's name."

"No I don't." she hissed "You look like mom, so that means you look like a girl!"

"There's a boy in our class named Morgan, so you do too have a boy name."

"Mom!" she cried out.

"What sweetie?" Meredith asked as she walked over with two bowls of cereal. She saw the disgruntled expression on her daughter's face and sighed "Carter are you making fun of your sister again… seriously why do we have to start the morning this way?"

"He said I have a boy's name." she pouted.

"Well you do!" he teased.

"Carter."

"Mom she's so whiney!" Carter scoffed "Why couldn't I have had a brother instead?"

"Because." Meredith smiled through her teeth "God, or whoever, knew what a strong young boy you would be and felt that you are strong enough to deal with a household of girls."

"But I only have one sister." He frowned "Only one girl."

"I know sweetheart, but you just jinxed yourself into having nothing but sisters in the future."

Carter's eyes grew big and he gulped.

"Ha-ha." Morgan laughed "You're gonna be a girly boy!"

Meredith rolled her eyes and went back to making breakfast. Carter stuck his tongue out at Morgan from across the table, she put her thumb on the tip of her nose and smooshed it up at him.

"You look like dad." He whispered to her with a glare "You look like a boy and you have a boy name, so you should be a boy…you're a freak."

She shrieked at him and threw her spoon at his head, he ducked and it hit the wall before crashing to the ground.

"Ha-ha." He laughed "At least you throw like a girl."

She started to cry and got up and ran out of the room.

"Morgan!" Meredith called out, then threw Carter a look "Carter! Eat your cereal or your little Nintendo thingy is going away for the rest of the week!"

Carter pouted as she went to go find Morgan, she stopped in the doorway between the kitchen and living room to see her curled up on the couch, sucking her thumb and looking at a picture of her grandma Ellis.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_They're so beautiful." Meredith mumbled as she leaned in and kissed her babies who were laying in bed between Meredith and Derek. "And they'll be the best of friends."_

_"No they won't." Derek snickered._

_"Sure they will." Meredith frowned "They're twins, they'll love each other."_

_"They'll hate each other Meredith." He said "But they'll love each other too. They're siblings, it's only a matter of time when we'll have to keep up in keeping them apart."_

_"Well maybe they'll beat the odds." Meredith smiled "Maybe they'll love each other anyway."_

* * *

><p>"You ok sweetie?" Meredith asked as she sat down on the couch next to Morgan and ran her hand over her brown curls. She nodded but kept sucking her thumb and looking at the picture of Ellis "Why do you like the picture so much?"<p>

"She's my angel." Morgan mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"When I sick." She said "When I was a baby, she hold me and tell me to get better. I never seen her again but I smell her when I go in the office under the stairs in the old house."

Meredith looked at Morgan in awe for a moment but then smiled "That was Grandma's office."

* * *

><p><em>"Are we all packed up to move?" Derek asked "The contractors just gave me the keys, we can start tonight."<em>

_"That sounds wonderful." Meredith smiled and planted a kiss on her husband._

_"Are the kids asleep?" he asked._

_"They're napping."_

_"Oh the things we could do while they nap." He smirked._

_She giggled as he pressed her body against a door with his. His tongue plunged deeply into her mouth and his lips sucked gently on hers. He reached for the knob on the door and opened it to give them some privacy, he pulled her in but got caught up looking around the untouched room._

_"Mer, this room isn't packed yet?"_

_"And it won't be."_

_"Why not?"_

_"This was her room." Meredith said looking around the office "This was where she loved to be the most. And I don't feel right packing it up. The renters won't have a key to it."_

_"Is that what you want?"_

_"Yeah." She nodded "And it's what she would want."_

* * *

><p>"You know your brother loves you." Meredith smiled "He's just being a boy and boys… well you'll see, but they can all be kind of…stupid sometimes."<p>

"Can I call Carter stupid?"

"No." Meredith pressed her lips together "But you can think it."

"Ok." She grinned. "I gonna think it a lot!" There was a knock on the front door and they looked up to see it open "Aunt Lexie!"

"Hi angel!" she crooned as she scooped Morgan up into her arms. Carter came barreling out of the kitchen "Hey, my little man!"

"Hi Aunt Lexie." Carter smile as he hugged tightly around her waist.

"You guys doing ok this morning?"

"Other than their typical start of the morning." Meredith said through a smile.

"Oh yes, what's a morning without a fight?" Lexie laughed, "Hey Molly was wondering if they could come over after school today?"

"That would work, I have a late surgery and lunch with George today so, yeah if she's feeling crazy….having five kids under the same roof? I can barely handle two." She laughed, then smiled "Well for now anyway."

"Don't tell me you're thinking of having more kids." Lexie rolled her eyes "The two you have should drive you crazy enough as it is."

"Well my two needs to get to school." She said "Thanks for taking them Lex."

"Not a problem."

Meredith leaned down and kissed them both, gave them backpacks and lunches and sent them out the door. She let out a soft sigh of relief as she closed the door and turned just as her phone started to ring. She frowned and wondered who it could be since she hadn't heard that ring tone in a while. She picked it up and saw that it was an IM and grinned.

_DASH109: Hey Meg, I miss you.  
>MEG216: I miss you too Dash, how soon can I see you again?<br>DASH109: How about in two seconds, does that work?  
>MEG216: Works great.<em>

She put her phone back on the end table by the door and looked up to see him coming down the stairs, tying his tie. He had a playful smirk on his face as he walked across the foyer and took her into his arms, placing a soft warm kiss on her lips.

"How's the chief of surgery doing this morning?" she asked.

"The chief is tired." He moaned "The chief was up all night with a patient, and then in bed with his wife."

"I hope the chief isn't complaining about the wife part." She giggled "He certainly wasn't last night."

"No." he smirked "But the chief is tired. And I'm hoping that my best neurosurgical Fellow will be at work on time today."

"As long as you don't make me late I should be there just fine." She said "How long will you be taking late nights at work?"

"Not sure." He sighed "I just want everything to run smoothly, and that requires some late nights."

"Well, how about a compromise." She smiled "I'll give you eight months to figure out how to make it home by seven."

"Why eight months?" he frowned "What's in eight months?"

"That's when the baby is due, and I'm not doing middle of the night feedings alone."

"Baby?" he grinned "We're having another baby?"

"Yes." She giggled "And hopefully just one this time."

He picked her up into his arms and kissed her deeply in excitement before setting her gently back onto her feet.

"iLove you." He smiled.

"I love you too."

"No, I mean iLove, like iPod or iPhone. But iLove, just like all this started."

"That is so corny." She giggled then leaned in and kissed him again "But… iLove you too."

_**THE END**_

**AN: Disclaimer again, the characters belong to Shondaland, and the story belongs to aquariusmind on the surgical language board! thanks for reading here!**


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